[...] edited by: Art Smith,
Iowa Editor
Just another reason why the Onion is America's most trusted news source:
I fear the end of the world is near...for I agree with a Des Moines Register editorial. A strange sensation to be sure:
Alright who forgot to send me the memo that Bill Clinton has a new mistress? Old news I know, but this probably isn't the type of "help" Hillary had in mind for her campaign.
There will be no glowing eulogy of Rev. Jerry Falwell on the Corn Beltway Boys. In fact, I am having a hard time restraining myself from doing just the opposite. You see Falwell and the rest of the television evangelists represent everything I hate about religion. [...] 
...would not think of attending the bullfights at the Maestranza ring without the traditional high comb...OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!?! [...] What's curious is that congressional Democrats don't seem much interested in what's actually happening in Iraq. The commander in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus, returns to Washington this week, [...]
Valley student charged with harassment
A Valley High School student faces a harassment charge after he wrote a threatening message on a bathroom wall at the school Friday, police officials released today.
Griffin Shea Huth, 16, of 533 Eighth St. in West Des Moines, admitted to police [...]
I found this slightly disturbing [click to enlarge]:Perhaps it was the intent of the 2003 Congress to dismantle this public program through privatization [of Medicare].
Today's Congress should [...]
Prime Minister Olmert denies peace message to Assad
The Prime Minister's Office issued a rare "clarification" Wednesday that, in gentle diplomatic terms, contradicted US Speaker of the House Nancy [...]
The House Armed Services Committee is banishing the global war on terror from the 2008 defense budget.
This is not because the war has been won, lost or even [...]
From The Daily Oakland Press [2004]:
McCain has said he would not run with Kerry, but last month he renewed speculation when he was asked on ABC's "Good Morning America" whether he would consider running with Kerry. He replied, "Obviously, I [...]
Federal prosecutors have told Bernard B. Kerik, whose nomination as homeland security secretary in 2004 ended in scandal, that he is likely to be charged with several felonies, including tax evasion and conspiracy to commit wiretapping.
Kerik's [...]
Republican presidential contender Rudy Giuliani said Friday his wife will not be a member of his Cabinet or attend most high-level meetings as he sought to clarify his previous statements suggesting she would play a significant role [...]
Giuliani, the leader in polls of Republican voters for his party's nomination, has been faulted on two major issues:
_ His administration's failure to provide the World Trade Center's first responders with adequate radios, a long-standing complaint from relatives of the firefighters killed when [...]
Now tell me which party is the party of family values?
Some Seattle school children are being told to be skeptical of private property rights. This lesson is being taught by banning Legos.
A ban was initiated at [...]
Lamenting a lack of raw emotion and good music on their last five studio albums, Metallica lead singer, James Hetfield, announced he was going to resume binge drinking in an effort to "get back to his roots."
***I pull very few punches, so if you have strong feelings on abortion might I suggest skipping this post***
The International Panel on Climate Change is set to issue its' report to the United Nations this week on the primary cause of global warming.
Thanks to the Virtual Console on my Nintendo Wii, I am once again the Tecmo Bowl champion as my Chicago team beat the snot out of New York. Unfortunately the players names have been removed and it isn't Tecmo Super Bowl [which is a far superior [...] 
A 107-year-old Hong Kong villager, who still enjoys an occasional smoke, has attributed his longevity in part to decades of sexual abstinence, a newspaper said on Sunday.
"I don't know why I have lived this long," Chan Chi -- one of Hong Kong's [...]
"In the end, voters will decide what's off-limits, but I can't imagine that the public will reward the politics of personal destruction," senior Clinton adviser Howard Wolfson said Friday, when asked whether the impeachment [...]
