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...by Jeff Tompkins : The World Itself is a Satire

  • My Call is Very Important to Them

    Number of comments: 6
    Summary of a recent experience:In the era of automation, where nearly everything is done by computer or some other electronic device, even phone calls are answered by machines. All of this is to ensure that you, the consumer, receive more efficient customer service. Right?Wrong. Precious hours of our lives that [...]
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    Posted: December 04, 2009, 12:02am EST
    by Jeff

  • Stuff It! (I mean, Happy Thanksgiving!)

    Number of comments: 3
    It's time for Thanksgiving, a holiday in which we gather together with loved ones to give thanks for the blessings in life, such as owning a new fast laptop and being a fan of a college football team that has a pretty good shot at the conference championship. You know, [...]
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    Posted: November 25, 2009, 12:01am EST
    by Jeff

  • Cool to be Kind

    Number of comments: 2
    If you are like me (and God help you if you are) you had no idea that Friday was World Kindness Day. I became aware of this in the middle of the day, so if anyone in charge of World Kindness Day happens to read this, please excuse me for [...]
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    Posted: November 15, 2009, 12:06am EST
    by Jeff

  • Halloween Safety Tips

    Number of comments: 4
    The consensus on the morning news shows is this: Halloween is a dangerous holiday that can get you seriously killed or at least injured.I haven't participated in Halloween in many years and apparently things have changed since I was a kid. Back then we dressed up as pretty much anything' [...]
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    Posted: October 31, 2009, 10:11am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Must See TV? I'll be the Judge

    Number of comments: 8
    I have good news for The American People: If you think TV is bad now, hang in there just a little longer. In a few weeks, I will have a say in what should and should not be on TV. That's right—I will be a Nielsen Family. Contrary to popular [...]
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    Posted: October 19, 2009, 9:42am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Reader Mail

    Number of comments: 10
    It's time once again for a bi-weekly installment of Reader Mail, in which I answer questions emailed to me by random Internet weirdoes. (Microsoft Word is telling me there is actually an "e" in the word "weirdoes." It doesn't look right to me, but I know Microsoft can't be wrong.)Two [...]
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    Posted: October 12, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Web of Conceit

    Number of comments: 12
    It's October, and Halloween is coming, so it is in that spirit that I figured it's time to talk about The Spider Wars. Let me state here, right at the beginning, for anyone who may be inclined to denounce my actions described later in this post, that I respect spiders. [...]
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    Posted: October 05, 2009, 6:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Virtual Decorating - Much Like Real Life

    Over the last several weeks I have spent an unjustifiable amount of time playing an online game called YoVille. It's described as a "virtual world," not "virtual reality," but I'm not quite sure what the difference is. I would look it up but seeing as how I'm having very little [...]
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    Posted: September 28, 2009, 6:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Virtual Decorating - Much Like Real Life

    Over the last several weeks I have spent an unjustifiable amount of time playing an online game called YoVille. It's described as a "virtual world," not "virtual reality," but I'm not quite sure what the difference is. I would look it up but seeing as how I'm having very little [...]
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    Posted: September 27, 2009, 10:48pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • South Carolina Turtle, Marriage Proposal and Crime Update

    Here in South Carolina, we're trying very hard to challenge south Florida for the title of Weirdest Place in the Country. You may be familiar with one of our recent efforts, wherein we deployed Representative Joe Wilson with orders to heckle the President during a joint session of Congress.Governor Sanford' [...]
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    Posted: September 24, 2009, 4:25pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Free Legal Advice

    I have recently noticed that I get a lot of hits on this blog from people who are searching for an attorney named Jeff Tompkins. I've seen it all along, but over the last couple of months there are more of these showing up in the stats. So either this' [...]
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    Posted: September 18, 2009, 11:15am EDT
    by Jeff

  • How Did I Get Here?

    After roughly two years of blogging, I probably should no longer be surprised when I see the odd search terms people use to find this site. But it never fails.I've posted about them before, such as: "bear grylls eats sheep eyeball," "bee ice cream," "skip snodgrass," "would a bear eat'" [...]
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    Posted: September 02, 2009, 12:35pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • A Better View of America

    Of all the tributes to Ted Kennedy over the last few days, perhaps the most poignant, in terms of assessing where we are as a nation, was the tribute outside the Capitol Building this afternoon in Washington.Hundreds of staffers gathered on the steps, and many more thousands of citizens assembled [...]
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    Posted: August 29, 2009, 5:21pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • If you film it, they will come. Or will they?

    Number of comments: 7
    I read an article in yesterday's NYT, about how people in the movie industry are just astounded that recent movies with "A-listers" are tanking at the box office.A-list movie stars have long been measured by their ability to fill theaters on opening weekend. But never have so many failed to [...]
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    Posted: August 21, 2009, 2:46pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • John Hughes (two interviews)

    Enclosure: [download]
    The first interview is from a 1985 appearance at the American Film Institute. Hughes talks about making the transition from working for an ad agency to writing for the National Lampoon and then Hollywood, his writing and film-making process, how he deals with critics studio execs, and more, in this [...]
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    Posted: August 16, 2009, 11:46am EDT
    by Jeff

  • 'Seconds of knowing and remembering'

    Passage from the novel "Boy's Life" by Robert McCammon:"We all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the'" [...]
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    Posted: August 15, 2009, 1:28pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Man vs. Plastic

    Number of comments: 3
    The day started off like most others—roll out of bed and immediately start looking forward to rolling back into it later that night. Breakfast was good, the morning shower was refreshing, and when I got a chance to check outside I saw that the sky had not fallen despite some [...]
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    Posted: August 14, 2009, 8:55pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • "Sincerely, John Hughes"

    Yes, two John Hughes posts in a row. But this deserves more than just an update to the previous post. I won't attempt a summary of what you'll find at this link. Just read it.Then, check this out. [...]
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    Posted: August 08, 2009, 1:20am EDT
    by Jeff

  • "Life moves pretty fast...."

    "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."- Ferris BuellerI had something else planned for today's post, but the news yesterday made me decide to put it off.If you grew up in the 1980s, you grew up with the movies [...]
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    Posted: August 07, 2009, 4:17pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Pitching a Movie Idea

    Number of comments: 7
    Some of the best movies that have been made are ones that are based on actual events, such as Apollo 13 and King Kong.It is in that spirit that I decided to come up with a few movie ideas, all of them based on true stories, and pitch them to [...]
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    Posted: August 03, 2009, 1:08pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Obama Admits to Liking the Devil

    Number of comments: 1
    In a stunning admission during his prime-time press conference last week, President Barack Obama said, "[E]ven though I don't like this devil, at least I know it, and I like that more than the devil I don't know."When reached for comment, White House officials attempted to explain that the President [...]
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    Posted: July 30, 2009, 3:45pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Nothing to See Here, Move Along...

    Number of comments: 1
    Today I was going to write about what the new health care plan means for you, but as I was making some notes I realized that I frankly do not care what it means for you. So I had to decide on a new topic, an endeavor that turned out [...]
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    Posted: July 25, 2009, 11:34am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Made in the U.S.A.

    Bored with the old conspiracies like UFOs, Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and the secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices used at KFC? Bore no more! You can join the literally tens of people who are obsessed with a relatively newer apparent clandestine plot.I am referring to a group [...]
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    Posted: July 24, 2009, 10:50am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Foiled Again

    Number of comments: 8
    Longtime readers of this blog may remember my mentioning a feud with the un-gloved deli employee. New readers probably aren't familiar with the story so I'm telling it again for two reasons: 1) I'm a sworn enemy of that gloveless weasel and I have a civic duty to warn local' [...]
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    Posted: July 21, 2009, 12:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • The "Moonwalk" That Mattered

    "We touched the face of another world and became a people without limits."- Andrew ChaikinOn October 29, 1998, I got to see the launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery. It was mission STS-95, the one that took John Glenn back into space for the first time since his 1962 flight [...]
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    Posted: July 20, 2009, 10:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • 'Bored to Death'

    With so much "reality TV" on the networks these days, it falls increasingly to the cable channels to bring us scripted shows.One that I'm looking forward to this fall is HBO's comedy, "Bored to Death." Jason Schwartzman stars as Jonathon, a thirty-something aspiring writer in NYC who spends a lot' [...]
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    Posted: July 19, 2009, 5:56pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • RIP, Walter Cronkite

    The voice of the space program almost made it long enough to see the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. So close. Missed it by three days.I'm departing from the usual theme of this blog on Monday for a post about the 40th anniversary of the historic Apollo 11 lunar' [...]
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    Posted: July 17, 2009, 9:02pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Doing the People's Business

    Every once in a while it's good for Americans to stop and ask the following question: What, exactly, are our elected officials up to, other than sneaking off to Argentina for an illicit rendezvous or resigning from office because people are being mean or keeping the teleprompter industry afloat?In keeping [...]
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    Posted: July 15, 2009, 1:13pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Twenty

    Number of comments: 11
    Recently a friend reminded me that our 20-year high-school reunion is coming up. My reaction was: Hmmm. Twenty years? It seems like just yesterday I was experiencing a lack of confidence when talking to girls and coming up with creative excuses for not doing what I was supposed to be [...]
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    Posted: July 09, 2009, 1:06pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Turtles, Ghosts and a Side of Bacon

    Number of comments: 7
    Years ago, I was an avid viewer of The X-Files. If you're not familiar with the fictional series, it was basically about two people who investigate paranormal phenomena. If you did watch the series, you know it as the show that featured one of TV's greatest mysteries: How many years [...]
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    Posted: July 02, 2009, 10:31am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Remembering Michael Jackson (through Steve Martin)

    Number of comments: 6
    From 1983, Steve Martin performs "Billie Jean":



    Martin wrote a short piece about this for The New Yorker website on Friday. [...]
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    Posted: June 28, 2009, 12:45am EDT
    by Jeff

  • News You Need to Know

    Number of comments: 9
    With all of the Michael Jackson coverage over the last couple of days, there's a good chance you're missing out on some important items in the news. As a public service, and in keeping with this blog's high ethical standards of reporting 100% factually correct news and information, here's a' [...]
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    Posted: June 27, 2009, 11:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Pop Star Dies, Nation Returns to Priorities

    Number of comments: 9
    LOS ANGELES-- With the death of Michael Jackson Thursday afternoon, the nation was reminded of what really matters: celebrity news.

    All major news outlets, including the 24-hour cable channels, scrapped regular programming and dedicated hours to repeating the same twenty-five seconds of information.

    Viewers were [...]
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    Posted: June 26, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Shades of Skink?

    Number of comments: 10
    If you haven't been following the story of our missing governor, here's a quick recap:

    --he disappeared from the governor's mansion last Thursday

    --his wife claimed she didn't know where he was, but said he needed time away from the kids (on Father's Day weekend, no less) to' [...]
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    Posted: June 24, 2009, 11:38am EDT
    by Jeff

  • S.C. Governor Missing

    Number of comments: 6
    South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has been "missing" since Thursday, reports now confirm.

    Security officials report that Sanford hasn't been seen since he left the governor's mansion Thursday in a state-owned SUV, so, even though no one is coming out and saying it, he's also a car thief.[...]
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    Posted: June 22, 2009, 4:53pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Thursday Miscellany

    Number of comments: 10
    Considering all the parallels between the current protests in Iran and the 1979 uprising that defeated the Shah, is that country headed for another revolution? I have no idea. Now that I've answered that, I'd like to get a few things out in the open:

    --Summer is approaching and [...]
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    Posted: June 18, 2009, 7:47pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Top Ten Offensive Jokes Told by David Letterman

    Number of comments: 8
    Last week David Letterman made a few jokes about Sarah Palin and her family, sparking outrage among people who think it's their job to tell others what is and is not acceptable speech. Governor Palin and her husband released a few statements (containing very few misspellings and [...]
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    Posted: June 15, 2009, 6:22pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Iran Election Report

    Number of comments: 7
    TEHRAN -- Hours after the polls closed in Iran, voters still do not know who their next president will be.

    Recent polling data showed challenger Mir-Hossein Mousavi with a lead over current President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, especially in polls that were taken when there were no heavily [...]
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    Posted: June 12, 2009, 9:00pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update

    Number of comments: 11
    As the world faces the threat of a nuclear-armed North Korea, as the nation prepares for a summer of historic Senate hearings for a Supreme Court nominee ("historic" because she will be the first to go through the hearings with a broken ankle), it is time once again to take [...]
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    Posted: June 10, 2009, 1:44pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Basebore

    Number of comments: 13
    Lately I've been doing something I don't normally do: watching baseball. The sport is just too slow, much slower than my favorite sport, football. But I've been watching recently because the NCAA tournament is underway, wending its way through regional and "super regional" match-ups in college towns across the country.' [...]
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    Posted: June 05, 2009, 11:33am EDT
    by Jeff

  • To fight or not to fight

    Number of comments: 13
    Here in South Carolina, where we are facing an 11.5 percent unemployment rate and we're among a handful of states rejecting stimulus funds, at least we can be sure that our legislature is not standing around doing nothing. They are hard at work on the golf course.

    No, seriously,' [...]
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    Posted: June 01, 2009, 12:47pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • What's for Dinner?

    Number of comments: 2
    I've written before about the odd search terms that lead people here. It's not the individual words themselves -- they do of course appear on this blog -- but rather the fact that people out there are searching for certain phrases containing those words.

    While checking my blog stats [...]
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    Posted: May 30, 2009, 6:16pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • What Luck!

    Number of comments: 14
    I don't mean to brag or make anyone jealous, but according to some very interesting emails I have recently received, well, let's just say I am a very lucky guy.

    First, I was informed by the Toyota company that I am among the winners of the "Toyota Car International" [...]
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    Posted: May 28, 2009, 1:40pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Not on Twitter? Here's What You're Missing

    Number of comments: 18
    People have been telling me I need to get on Twitter. "You're on Facebook," they say, "so you'll like it."

    Yes, I am on Facebook, but the least of the reasons I am on there is to read the status updates, such as: "[name of person] is taking [name" [...]
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    Posted: May 26, 2009, 11:19am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update

    Number of comments: 8
    It is time once again to pause and reflect upon where we stand as a nation. This usually involves stories from around the country, and the news is usually rather bleak. But today, we have good news to go along with the bad. The good news is that when it [...]
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    Posted: May 25, 2009, 5:03pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Humor Theory

    Number of comments: 9
    One of the oldest questions in human civilization (other than "Who was the first person to eat an egg, and why?") is: "What makes something funny?" Dictionaries offer many definitions of humor, one of them being: "The four fluids of the body: blood, phlegm, choler, and black bile." But that [...]
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    Posted: May 21, 2009, 9:59am EDT
    by Jeff Tompkins

  • Reader Mail – Season 2, Episode 23

    Number of comments: 9
    It is time once again for responses to some of your comments and questions, a regular occurrence on this blog, adhering to a strict schedule, occurring every other Monday or some other weekday within six weeks of the first Monday of each month or at such times when there's nothing' [...]
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    Posted: May 19, 2009, 11:36am EDT
    by Jeff Tompkins

  • WARNING: Ignore at Your Own Peril

    Number of comments: 14
    It's time to start tracking the national IQ. This pressing need has nothing to do with the fact that many Americans are incapable of parking within the lines or because Regis is still on the air. It has to do with product warning labels. A few nights ago I was' [...]
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    Posted: May 15, 2009, 1:02pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Spitzer Returns to Spotlight; Seeks Advice from a Disgraced Former Politician

    Number of comments: 11
    WASHINGTON, D.C.— One year after leaving office because of a sex scandal, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is attempting to rebuild his public image.

    Spitzer broke his year-long silence this week, appearing on numerous talk shows. If the media tour looks familiar, it's because Spitzer' [...]
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    Posted: May 13, 2009, 1:14pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • On Writing

    Enclosure: [download]
    Number of comments: 14
    Here’s a short video of one of the best newspaper columnists in the country, Pulitzer Prize winner Leonard Pitts, Jr. of the Miami Herald, talking about the craft of writing.

    Some of the highlights:

    "Being a writer requires a certain amount of craziness. Crazy enough to have spent" [...]
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    Posted: May 12, 2009, 4:49pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update: Top Criminals

    Number of comments: 9
    Not everyone can be a Bernie Madoff. It's not easy to pull off a complex, illegal scheme and get away with it.

    For instance, if you are trying to purchase 50 cell phones with a forged cashier's check worth $2,359.45, it would be a good idea to spell "cashier's"' [...]
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    Posted: May 11, 2009, 1:14pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • A Visit from the 'Whimsical Fascist'

    Number of comments: 12
    For those of you who are not familiar with the philosophy of the Whimsical Fascist™, you can catch up here, where it first appeared on this blog. The basic idea: We should have very strict laws against annoying and stupid people.

    In this installment, we highlight a recent [...]
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    Posted: May 07, 2009, 10:45am EDT
    by Jeff

  • "These Kids Today…"

    Number of comments: 16
    I had always hoped I'd never become one of those people who reaches a certain age and starts saying things like, "These kids today, I swear." I am sorry to announce that I have become such a person. It's not the usual things like pointing out that their music consists [...]
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    Posted: May 04, 2009, 11:38am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update: Man and Nature

    Number of comments: 18
    As the world braces for another media hysteria pandemic, like Y2K, SARS, bird flu, mad cow disease, killer bees, followed by a bee shortage, "Summer of the Shark," "Summer of Kidnappings," terror alerts in election years (all actual news stories that never came to pass as predicted), it's important to' [...]
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    Posted: April 30, 2009, 1:25pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Weather Service Releases Study Findings, Shocks Nation

    Number of comments: 14
    WASHINGTON, D.C.— Officials at the National Weather Service today released the findings of a fourteen-year study involving hundreds of meteorologists and atmospheric scientists across the country.Dr. Ken Hayle, who oversaw the study, told reporters that the panel was able to come to a number of conclusions on meteorological matters that [...]
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    Posted: April 28, 2009, 4:42pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Wave of the Future

    Number of comments: 11
    I don't know about you, but I have just about had it with the so-called "mainstream" media completely ignoring the issue of waterskiing monkeys. Is it any wonder that the average American has no idea why we were once so far behind the Japanese?

    Maybe these monkeys will be' [...]
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    Posted: April 26, 2009, 10:30am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Living the Double Life

    Number of comments: 20
    I have an update on the so-called "Craigslist Killer" case.

    UPDATE: Too many commentators are using the phrase "double life."

    Was alleged killer Philip Markoff leading a double life? Could he have been leading a double life? Do you think he was leading a double [...]
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    Posted: April 24, 2009, 9:35am EDT
    by Jeff

  • State of the Education System

    Number of comments: 14
    It's that time of year again. At least once a year, in accordance with federal law, the nation must engage in a debate over the state of education. The general public goes into a spasm over the state of the system, pointing out failures and demanding solutions. The education establishment' [...]
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    Posted: April 22, 2009, 9:00am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Top 1 Reason to Watch '24'

    Number of comments: 14
    1. Hilarious dialogue

    Sure, there are plenty of other reasons, and even though there would theoretically be a #2 on the list, it really doesn't matter when you have quotes like the one I'm writing about here.

    A little background is necessary. I'll try my' [...]
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    Posted: April 20, 2009, 9:25pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • What Susan Boyle Means to the World

    Number of comments: 28
    "Britain's Got Talent" star and Internet sensation Susan Boyle has captivated the world and taught us all a lesson: If you are so crass as to judge someone by their looks, well, you had just better think twice.

    You should be more broad-minded and release yourself' [...]
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    Posted: April 19, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Video of the Weekend

    Number of comments: 1
    Changing the music can tell a whole different story....

    [...]
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    Posted: April 18, 2009, 4:59pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • 2009 Teabagging Championships

    Number of comments: 16
    All across America Wednesday, viewers of a certain news channel named after an animal gathered to express their fervent belief that if you are angry about something, the best way to express that anger is to engage in group teabagging. If you're outraged, if you're mad as hell and you [...]
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    Posted: April 17, 2009, 11:45am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update

    Number of comments: 13
    As the nation reflects upon the Navy's rescue of Captain Richard Phillips over the weekend; as we debate the best way to deal with the threat of sea pirates, and also deal with the fact that it's 2009 and there are still pirates in the world; as we ask ourselves, [...]
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    Posted: April 16, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Jeff

  • I've Been Demoted

    Number of comments: 4
    OK, not really, but I've been moved from the Sun-Times to this subsidiary (or something) of the Sun-Times News Group.

    Would it anger the teabaggers if I asked for a bailout?' [...]
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    Posted: April 15, 2009, 9:51pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Transcript of Negotiations Between U.S. Navy and Somali Pirates

    Number of comments: 13
    Now that Captain Richard Phillips has been rescued by the U.S. Navy, the Defense Department has declassified a transcript of communications between the U.S.S. Bainbridge and the Somali pirates who were holding Phillips captive aboard a lifeboat.NAVY HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR: This is the United States Navy. Are you prepared to negotiate?LEAD [...]
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    Posted: April 14, 2009, 4:01pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Tea Party Protest F.A.Q.

    Number of comments: 19
    What is the tea party protest?
    A better name for them, credited to Andrew Sullivan, is "Tea Tantrums" because there is no clear reason why they're doing it. So basically people in various cities across the country who are still frustrated that their side lost the election will gather' [...]
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    Posted: April 12, 2009, 11:06am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Googling Yourself

    Number of comments: 11
    Like many people, I have often wondered: What happens if you Google yourself and will it make you go blind? The answer to the first question depends on how common your name is; the answer to the second depends on how often you do it. I went to Google, typed [...]
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    Posted: April 10, 2009, 12:07pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • I Defeated The President

    Number of comments: 5
    It's not every day that you can say you defeated the President of the United States, so I am going to take advantage of this rare opportunity to say: "I defeated the President of the United States."

    "Sure," you say, "but it was just in ESPN's NCAA Tournament Challenge." [...]
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    Posted: April 08, 2009, 11:08am EDT
    by Jeff

  • NCAA Tournament Final: The Click-4-pic Review

    Number of comments: 7
    Tonight in Detroit, the final two teams in the NCAA tournament met for the championship game. The Tarheels, who are from North Carolina, quickly built a substantial lead over the Spartans, who are from Michigan.UNC dominated throughout the game thanks largely to the powerhouse performance of Tyler Hansbrough who almost [...]
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    Posted: April 07, 2009, 12:52am EDT
    by Jeff

  • "Everything in life is luck"

    Number of comments: 5
    That's a quote often attributed to Donald Trump, who clearly was looking for a way to shrug off years of poor service at the barber shop.

    You might notice that "The Donald" did not specify bad luck or good luck, just luck. So it could go either way, as' [...]
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    Posted: April 06, 2009, 2:03pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • When The Collection Basket Comes Around....

    Number of comments: 4
    ....make sure you have plenty of $1 bills.ROME, April 4 (UPI) -- An Italian lap dancer-turned-nun will perform in front of a group of Roman Catholic cardinals and bishops.

    [...]

    Her performance will be based on stories from the Old and New Testaments.All the jokes with this [...]
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    Posted: April 04, 2009, 3:43pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Culture Update

    Number of comments: 5
    Here is where we stand as a nation.

    As we deal with two ongoing wars, a deep recession and a crisis in the financial markets, men and women across the country are focusing on the important things.

    Oxygen Media has released a study of [...]
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    Posted: April 03, 2009, 11:38am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Gone Country? Keep Going

    Number of comments: 6
    I try very hard to ignore country music. Really, I do. But sometimes when I'm changing channels on TV or radio and I hear someone singing like Larry the Cable Guy, I just can't help it. I have to listen. It's not that the songs are good and I want' [...]
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    Posted: April 02, 2009, 7:54pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Poll Question: Greeting the Royals

    Number of comments: 1
    President Obama and the First Lady are in London this week for the G-20 Summit. At some point they will meet the world's largest welfare recipient Queen, and all the news channels are running stories every three minutes discussing the protocol of such a meeting. There's much talk of what [...]
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    Posted: April 01, 2009, 3:14pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • A Very Sincere Apology

    Number of comments: 1
    A few days ago in this space I implied that the Republican Party is out of ideas, has no plans, and is offering nothing in the way of solutions. That made a few Republicans very angry and caused them to click on the "Contact" link at the top of the [...]
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    Posted: March 26, 2009, 2:01pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Reader Mail – Episode XVCII

    Number of comments: 0
    It is time once again for the bi-weekly installment of Reader Mail, which occurs roughly every four months, in which I try to give the best answers (and advice, when needed) to questions sent in by random Internet weirdoes. (Microsoft Word is telling me there is actually [...]
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    Posted: March 24, 2009, 1:27pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • Obama Apologizes for All ‘Potentially Offensive’ Remarks

    Number of comments: 0
    WASHINGTON, DC— After making what some consider an offensive remark on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, President Obama issued an apology this afternoon.

    On last night's show, Leno asked the President about the White House bowling alley and the President responded by announcing that he' [...]
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    Posted: March 20, 2009, 2:53pm EDT
    by Jeff

  • War on Clichés and Jargon: The European Front

    Number of comments: 1
    If you are a regular reader here, please seek professional help. But also, if you're a regular reader you will know that one of the recurring topics here is the use of clichés and jargon and the punishment that should be inflicted upon those who insist on' [...]
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    Posted: March 19, 2009, 8:39am EDT
    by Jeff

  • GOP Leadership Controversy Settled; Gravity Called ‘Hoax’

    Number of comments: 0
    WASHINGTON, DC— In an effort to shore up his leadership position as he faces the prospect of a no confidence vote, RNC Chairman Michael Steele appeared at a press conference today in Washington. Stepping up to the podium, Steele surprised reporters by announcing that he would not [...]
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    Posted: March 12, 2009, 11:02am EDT
    by Jeff

  • Great Taste! Need a Filling....

    Number of comments: 2
    I realize that I am going against popular opinion here and may risk offending the vast majority of people out there, but I hate going to the dentist. In fact, because I am a world-class hypochondriac, I don't like having to interact with anyone in the medical field.I don't know [...]
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    Posted: March 05, 2009, 12:27pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Take the Words Right Out of My Mouth, PLEASE

    Number of comments: 1
    I have been busy as a bee preparing this update from the front lines of the War on Clichés, and I finally had to choose just a few because I had too many irons in the fire. The selection process wasn't easy, so I decided to go for the low-hanging' [...]
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    Posted: February 26, 2009, 10:02am EST
    by Jeff

  • "We" Aren't the Champions

    Number of comments: 0
    If there is one thing we Americans love, other than deep-fried food, it's competition. It's the basis of our civilization. We live by the cherished ideal that if two or more people are locked in a battle for first place—whether it's sports, business or American Idol—and one person puts in' [...]
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    Posted: February 19, 2009, 9:59am EST
    by Jeff

  • Could I Get That In Writing?

    Number of comments: 0
    Recently I have been interacting with a very large organization which I will not name here because they are in possession of many guns and bombs. Granted, most of those items are currently located on a different continent, being used against non-Americans, but I'm not taking any chances.Anyway, I've been [...]
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    Posted: February 12, 2009, 11:04am EST
    by Jeff

  • Blogging - What Is It Good For?

    Number of comments: 0
    I started a blog in 2001, back when I first heard about blogging and decided that I had something to say and, dammit, I was going to say it. That "something" was so important, just jumping right off my fingertips, that I had to put it in writing, post it [...]
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    Posted: February 05, 2009, 1:06pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Groundhog Day – Fifty Percent Chance of Weather

    Number of comments: 1
    Today is Groundhog Day, which is a special day commemorated each year when Bill Murray comes out of retirement and if he sees the shadow of at least one member of the paparazzi, America sighs and says, "Six more years of HIM?"I kid Bill Murray. Not actually in person, although [...]
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    Posted: February 02, 2009, 11:42am EST
    by Jeff

  • Reality TV Rescue

    Number of comments: 3
    If you watch TV these days you might get the impression that we probably aren't too far away from the day when all programming consists of dating shows and small-claims court shows. In fact, this may be the remedy for our current economic crisis. Since nearly everything we buy in' [...]
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    Posted: January 27, 2009, 11:39am EST
    by Jeff

  • Chief Justice Roberts Could Have Done Worse

    Number of comments: 3
    Chief Justice John Roberts screwed up the Presidential Oath of Office yesterday, saying phrases such as “that I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully” before finally getting it mostly right.

    Many people are saying it would have been a good idea for Roberts to [...]
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    Posted: January 21, 2009, 7:45pm EST
    by Jeff

  • New and Improved Complete Version of the Inauguration Live Blog

    Number of comments: 2
    Here's the final version, with some added info and thoughts throughout, so if you weren't bored enough with it the first time on the Indigo Journal website, here's another chance!

    ---

    (7:58 a.m.) CNN is showing the mall and reports that people started gathering as early as [...]
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    Posted: January 20, 2009, 5:43pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Live Blogging the Inauguration

    Number of comments: 0
    Today I will be live blogging on this page at Indigo Journal, covering the inauguration, including the events leading up to it, the parade that follows, and, if I can stay awake, the inaugural balls. [Insert Beavis and Butthead laughing here.] [...]
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    Posted: January 20, 2009, 9:41am EST
    by Jeff

  • Name Blame

    It is said that the United States Senate is comprised of 100 people who think they should be President. But there's at least one Senator who can forget it.

    Senator Sheldon Whitehouse from the state of Rhode Island (yes, it's still there) will never be President of the [...]
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    Posted: January 10, 2009, 2:45pm EST
    by Jeff

  • All Aboard the Bandwagon

    I've never been much of a pro football fan. A fan of pro football, I mean, not a "professional fan," although such people do exist. These are the people who paint their faces and wear large, comical hats depicting their team preference. This is all fine, usually, but if you [...]
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    Posted: January 04, 2009, 11:25am EST
    by Jeff

  • A Brand New Head for Christmas

    Number of comments: 4
    OK, not the whole head. Just part of it. The outside part, former residence of what used to be my hair.For Christmas I received a "professional hair-cutting kit," which is nice, except for the fact that I'm an amateur when it comes to cutting hair and the kit does not' [...]
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    Posted: December 29, 2008, 5:00pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Merry Christmas From The Family

    Number of comments: 3
    Dear Friends,It's that time of year again! Time to send holiday greetings in the form of a letter updating you on all of the boring stuff that you don't care about when it happens, but that we believe, for some reason, you will find important enough during the hustle and [...]
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    Posted: December 22, 2008, 12:12pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Wrapping Redux

    A reader writes: "You should write something about wrapping Christmas presents. I was wrapping this morning and it seems like a good idea for a topic."

    I wrote something about this last year when I wrapped presents—on Christmas Eve. That's the kind of planning ahead and long-term preparation I [...]
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    Posted: December 21, 2008, 4:55pm EST
    by Jeff

  • What Luck!

    I don't mean to brag or make anyone jealous, but according to some very interesting emails I have recently received, well, let's just say I am a very lucky guy.

    First, I was informed by the Toyota company that I am among the winners of the "Toyota Car International [...]
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    Posted: December 17, 2008, 7:50am EST
    by Jeff

  • An Honorable Mention....

    ...isn't such a bad thing, though it would have been weird nice to win this. [...]
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    Posted: December 08, 2008, 3:14pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Shameless Plugs....

    ...are not condoned on this blog. [...]
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    Posted: November 09, 2008, 10:25pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Election Wrap-up

    Number of comments: 4
    The major news is being covered thoroughly, so I thought I would cover some of the news that the mainstream media is ignoring.Senator Elizabeth Dole (R-NC) lost last night, so for the first time in forty years, there will not be a Bush or Dole serving in national office. Mrs. [...]
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    Posted: November 05, 2008, 12:36pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Late Breaking Election News

    Number of comments: 2
    The Republican National Committee, in conjunction with the McCain campaign, just released the following statement:Before going to the polls, voters should be aware of the following information:

    The RNC has come into possession of a videotape of the Democratic candidate, Senator Barack Obama, delivering a speech with with a [...]
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    Posted: November 03, 2008, 10:26pm EST
    by Jeff

  • Really Early Voting


    Last month I wrote about the length of the 2008 presidential election, which actually started in early 2007, with official announcements, and unofficially in 2006, with decisions and fund-raising, and in at least one case, in 2000, since we all knew one of the losers [...]
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    Posted: October 29, 2008, 3:15pm EDT
    by Jeff
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