The Nashville Corrections Department, conveniently located adjacent to a Christian Science Reading Room and Balloon-A-Tune, is where you will find concerned rape preventionists Rita R. Reed and Benjamin F. Bean.
A propos of scaremail forwards:
[Dear Twisty,]
Howdy!
I was just the happy recipient of the following [...]
It is considered “self-improvement” to “uncover the truth about men.” I know this because I have just read a paperback purporting to enlarge on this “men, revealed at last!” theme, and the words “self-improvement” are printed right on the jacket.
I have to confess that, in reading this book, Little White [...]
Only you can settle the drastically important argument roiling in the comments section. So which is it? Are you an incredibly gifted satirist, or a college sophomore?
Related posts:The Mandos ReferendumSpinster aunt recommends non-sucky blogHugs, Twisty: [...]
Rejected comment from reader bilbertson on an August, 2007 post entitled UterusWatch 2007, in which I discuss a couple of legislative efforts to restrict women’s access to abortion, one of which required written consent of the “father”:
[Dear Twisty]
I know I’m commenting on this much later than it was posted [...]
Whenever I hear some guy say that feminists don’t have a sense of humor, I want to punch that guy in the face.
What I mean is, I want to take a bunch of tiny razors and glue’em to a glove, kind of around the knuckle area, and put on this [...]
Need cash? Got any Jewish eggs? Sell’em on Craigslist for 8 large! No Methodist, Buddhist, or Secular Humanist eggs, please. God can tell the difference.
True story: when my ovaries were amputated, biopsied, and interviewed by clerics, it was found that my eggs did not subscribe to any supernatural fantasies [...]
Email from David Finnigan to twisty.faster
Sun, Nov 29, 2009 at 5:10 PM
[Dear Twisty,]
paragraphs like this:
‘Compulsory feminism, unlike the heartwarming compulsory capital ‘M’ misogyny the shoving down of which our throats are all accustomed to, is apparently nothing short of child abuse. One nervous misogynist, Australian Family Association spokesman John [...]
Displaying an astonishing capacity for patriarchy-blaming, somebody in charge of public education in Victoria AU wishes to implement anti-violence-against-women training in a couple of schools. It’s called “Respectful Relationship Education.”
Possible classroom activities include students acting out scenes of sexual coercion after which students would suggest more appropriate behaviour. [...] [...]
Every morning Google sends urgent feminist alerts to my inbox. It’s hilarious, the contexts in which writers of Internet crap chuck that word “feminist” around.
– Rihanna has a new album; she left her abusive boyfriend, so she’s a feminist icon now.
– You can wear false eyelashes and [...]
At Thanksgiving I usually let some steam whistle through my kettle of disgust regarding the holiday’s shameless celebration of domination culture, but this year I’ll confine myself to remarking that this ubiquitous euphemism “Turkey Day,” though it makes the spinster skin crawl, is at least a step in the right [...]
Heather Havrilesky has a quasi-jokey column that precisely illustrates the reasons for my long-held view that Oprah is the opiate of the (white middle class female) people.
Yesterday, when word got out that Oprah will be wrapping up “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” which has been on the air since 1986, [...]
The No Shit! Department at Spinster HQ brings you breaking news from 2007: Study shows that sexist jokes induce actual sexism!
Two long years ago psychology researcher Thomas E Ford et al authored a paper revealing that when dudes sit around guffawing at dumb blonde jokes, they are more likely [...]
Regular readers know that, news-wise, CNN confuses me, and that I have all but kicked the NPR habit (it seems fantastic, but El Rancho Deluxe gets only one radio station, and it only plays one song: that Red Hot Chili Peppers slow dance where the dude yodels in that weird [...]
Attic black figure wine stompers, ca. 600 BCE
My sidekick Stingray is a professional wino. She can tell you the names of about 87 different species of fungus that grow on grapes. She speaks reverently of the Moldavian terroir. She [...]
Remember back in December of 2005, when Canadian rapist Jan Luedecke got a free pass because his lawyers had successfully argued that their client’s “sexsomnia” is a legitimate medical disorder that renders the “sufferer” incapable of refraining from assaulting women in his sleep?
Nothing, it will not surprise you to [...]
Unidentified terrestrial object, September 2009.
Fellow heartwarming nature crappists will recall that, although spinster aunts are closely related to mushrooms (in terms of a shared propensity to sprout on rotting logs), my mycological chops are not, [...]
I Blame the Patriarchy has won an award!
Dear Blog Owner,
Our website Science.org is a informational databases and online news publication for anything and everything related to science and technology. We recently ran a poll asking our website users regarding what online informational resources they use to keep up to date [...]
As has been well documented, I have exhibited gallantry and forbearance on this painful subject for years, but dammitjim I can be silent no longer! I Blame the Patriarchy is now officially a “teh menz”-free zone. By which I mean, [...]
Of all the classic film genres I love to hate, I love to hate none more fervently than the mid-century sex farce. Mid-century sex farces suck.
As you know, by “mid-century sex farce,” I of course mean “bogus fucking misogynist fantasy crap.” And no classic film is more mid-century-sex-farcical than the [...]
The ones with the wings are breeders.
Red harvester ants make crop circles that are, I kid you not, 6 or 8 or 1097 feet in diameter. They build’em right there in the middle of whatever lush little [...]
Word has just reached Spinster HQ that veteran blamer Antoinette Niebieszczanski is in medical lockup, nursing, as she says, “a sizeable blood clot in my right lung.” We are grateful, Antoinette, that the clot is not in your obstreperal lobe. While you cool your heels, here’s some more heartwarming nature [...]
You know what sucks about the Internet? When Internet feminists don’t stop what they are doing right now and answer your question.
Alessandro Machi
dailypuma.com
Submitted on 2009/10/16 at 10:01pm on post Ways In Which The Internet Sucks
Ok, this is probably a stupid question, but please answer, anybody.
I’m assuming she [...]
Beware of the Blob
See this mondo fungal blob? Well, hold onto your hats, because it is the self-same mondo fungal blob a photo of which I posted a few days ago. Back then, it struck [...]Faithful readers know that, when it comes to feminists who struggle with their own internalized misogyny, the spinster aunt is forbearance itself. But I just have to say I am goddam astonished by some of the comments on the Meghan McCain post. And I’ve survived not only the Great [...]
Finally, a bulbous object worth talking about. Dig my ginormous whoppin Agaricus, baby.
Related posts:Spinster aunt laughed out of townSpinster aunt adds dog to bunkhouse[...]
Savage Death Island is happy to launch a new feature. It’s the greatly anticipated Ways In Which the Internet Sucks feature!
We begin with a charming instance of Whataboutthemen?! appearing this morning on the Atlantic’s website. But first, the backstory:
Hey! Roger Ebert!
A Hollywood movie with a plot device involving a female assault victim “turning the tables in an extended sequence of graphic violence” is not a “feminist revenge picture.” It’s merely a revenge picture.
Related posts:On Jailing [...]
If a blamer goes to the trouble of writing a blaming pome about a Dr Seuss character who hates hoes, I can go to the trouble of giving it its own page.
Untitled
by PandanCat
I’ll have no hoes! No, no, noes!
Hoes with clothes? No, no, noes!
Hoes at shows? [...]
After reading his comment a second time, I began to perceive that this guy has little affinity for hoes.
johnny_handsome90
October 1, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I hate hoes superficial hoes groupie hoes hooker hoes.
all these hoes that run around night clubs who are broke
and think a rich guy [...]
Fois gras on toast. Uchi, Austin TX, July 2007
In keeping with the recent commentary-on-a-comment motif into the self-referential depths of which this blog has recently plunged (if a blog may be said to have plunged into a [...]
I wouldn’t let this dude into my kitchen with a ten-foot pole.
UPDATE: I slogged through David Lean’s Dr Zchivago the other night, the primary message of which film is “when the oppressed revolt they become hate-filled thugs, [...]
Blamer maidden writes:
While I understand Jill’s position on the badness of a member of the sex class performing a submissive role in the bedroom (or dungeon, as the case may be), I haven’t been able to find her opinion on the opposite situation: dominant women. Could somebody point me [...]
From the moderation queue:
“I find your broad categoraization [sic] of BDSM to be rather narrow minded.”
Pure poetry.*
Another textbook-style internet ode to painfully silly rape-based patriarchy-reenactment boinking is probably not on your list of Great Works I Must Read Before I Die. However, the commenter I have quoted — who inconveniently [...]
From the perspective of the cinquagenarian spinster aunt-on-the-go (a dying breed, literally), this screen grab (from the iTunes store comments section; the commenter is bitter because s/he is not getting something for nothing in an iPhone internet radio [...]
Today Spinster HQ kicks off our much-anticipated new feature, CrotchWatch ‘09. Through CrotchWatch ‘09 we’ll keep careful tabs on global genitalia. Because the state of being female is a medical condition, we’ll start with NetDoctor.
NetDoctor is a UK-based health tip website. It contains “all you need to know about [...]
Yesterday morning, as I clawed my way out from under a pile of various retrievers and leaped from the TempurPedic with my customary yelp, a brilliant thought occurred to me. I said to myself, “Jill,” I said, “what you need [...]
Staffers at Spinster HQ (namely, me and my secretary Phil) are always delighted when an incoming email is brief. We’re even more delighted when it does not contain some variation on the “your head is up your ass” theme. We’re even more delighted still when its author more or less [...]
Announcing my new heartwarming nature crap series, “Mutant Prickly Pear Paddles of the Texas Hill Country.” I expect to turn the project into a [...]
You know how sometimes something sort of funny happens? Something sort of funny happened to me [...]
During this morning’s heartwarming nature crap hike in the woods, my 4-month-old yella Lab Frances spotted this teakwood table and immediately grabbed one of its legs in her teeth, with the apparent intention of dragging it [...]
One of the reasons this spinster devotes fewer and fewer aunt-hours to reading blogs these days is the increasing likelihood that I will encounter something along the lines of “You call yourself a feminist? Shame on you for not writing about blahblahblah.” Whereupon the blogger in question writes sanctimoniously about [...]
What happened to your blog? Hacked by a disgruntled Furry Puppyist who didn’t think your storytime was happy enough?
Related posts:The Mandos ReferendumWhat has recognizing your male privilege done [...]
Airbrushed TV hottie seeks mother with “feminist viewpoint.” Photo from tyrabanks.com
Howdy blamers. You know how I am constantly getting emails from people who have no idea what I Blame the Patriarchy is but tell me it’s “great” and hope to use it for their [...]
Julia's surgeons break out the barbecue forks.
The Blogulation Department here at Spinster HQ has been on sabbatical due to auntly apathy and writer’s block.The deadly apathy/writer’s block combo, which results from intermittently spasmodic crystalline antimatter anomalies in the obstreperal lobe' [...]
Drunk chick interviews snake assassin as he changes his socks
It’s Tuesday, and that means it’s time for another installment of Unrelated Spinster Pronouncements.
1. Poor pit vipers. My last post on the Western diamondback rattler revealed that, herpetologically [...]
Spinster aunts, at midnight after a half a bot of rosé, are often inclined to sluice out to the back porch, wearing attractive headlamps, to find Western diamondback rattlesnakes hanging out by the door. The serpents wait like patience on a statue, apparently imagining that mice or hunks of filet [...]
Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women
Related posts:Egypt’s national pastimeTired tirade with jokey payoffAnal is the new ‘third base’
[...]This amateur pornographer, known on the website Deviantart.com as “Pelicanh,” snaps photos of naked ladies, stands back, basks in it, and calls it art. Furthermore, he puts it on the World Wide Web and gets thousands of hits a day. Furthermore, he is eager to demonstrate to his followers [...]
CNN has a “Health for Her” segment. “Health for Her” is represented by one of those Venus female symbols in the background, to differentiate it from regular health.
Today’s women’s health segment isn’t about boring old breast cancer or vaginas or about how generally unhealthy it is to be female on [...]
Who doesn’t love the Greeks? First, they invent peach melba. Then Maria Callas. Then they donate a husband and provider to tragic grieving widow Jackie Kennedy. Pretty good, right? But wait, there’s more! No sooner do they set up that hilarious light show at the Parthenon than they produce [...]
A blamer has sent in a link to the Daily Mail. I hate it when blamers send in links to the Daily Mail. Links to the Daily Mail contain a neurotoxin. The next thing I know I’m reading paragraph after asinine paragraph, each with less philosophic value than the last, [...]
This just in from Spinster HQ: I ain’t dead. I don’t even have a summer cold. In fact, a team of experts has measured my vim and found it sufficient.
Neither, it pleases [...]
12:14 PM
Inevitably there comes a time in every gentleman farmer’s life when heartwarming nature crap wears the her down to a nub, and she is obliged to press the mellow agrarian keister [...]
Any nerd, geek, dork, or other-type-genius of a certain age who suffered no pang of nostalgia this week during the wah-hoo over the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission might want to have her obstreperal lobe checked for leaks.
I offer a few unconnected remarks on the subject. The remarks [...]
If you are reading this, lucky you! I couldn’t access the blog for days and couldn’t figure out why, and about 7642 of you emailed to inform me of same. I finally got a wild hair and updated my version of Firefox, and blam! Fixed! I still don’t know what [...]
The heartwarming Scolopendra sp. of Spinster Cinema fame dwarfs the striped bark scorpion in the Glue Box of Death.
By way of urging the blamer to view in the best possible light the circumstances which led a [...]
Do I just sit around making goofy little movies with my iPhone these days? Yup.
Behold Attack of the Bathroom Accoutrements, director’s cut.
[...]Speaking of film, here’s the latest release from Spinster Studios 24-Hour Emergency Art-O-Mat, iPhone Cinema Department. It’s a dilly.
Remember how there was an adorable puppy gonna show up here at El Rancho Deluxe? Well, she showed up. A yella lab. Call her Fran. The credit for this excellent name belongs [...]
An “old movie” thread has been requested. Ask and ye shall receive.
Longtime blamers are well aware that, while recuperating from gory ankle reconstruction surgery a couple years ago — remember? Bert dug a hole, and I fell in it? — I became strangely fascinated by the Turner Classic Movie channel.
The [...]
Speaking of human trafficking and modern slavery, check out this podcast of a recent “To The Best of Our Knowledge” program entitled “The New Abolitionists.”
The first segment of the podcast features Maria Suarez, who at the age of 16 was lured away from her family by the promise of [...]
As promised: the well pump repair documentary, cinematographed with my iPhone. Five minutes of pure torture.
[...]Today’s “Hugs, Twisty” letter comes from Adrienne, who endears herself by quoting me in an excellent essay in which she reports on a demonstration in Boston against Exodus Ministries. You remember those Exodus knobs? They’re the ones who think they can convert homos through “the power” of the ghost [...]
Yeah, I got the new video iPhone. I am a pathetic early adopter.
The video is of my giant horse Stanley. He is wishing I would just let him go out and eat some grass already.
[...]Once in a great while — by which I mean several times a day — I Blame the Patriarchy’s moderation queue produces a true classic. If I weren’t so dedicated a spinster aunt, whose duty it is to excise antifeminist commentary before it scathes the delicate retinas of the Blametariat [...]
Ever since the Lightning Strike of Aught Nine took out my radio tower and my satellite and the computer running the missile silos I have aimed at various undisclosed megatheocorporatocratic installations, I’ve been out of the loop.
I just heard that David Letterman told a tasteless joke about Willow Palin getting [...]
No time to post! The ag well at El Rancho Deluxe has has blown or something, and my ranch hand Chuck and I have to fix it.
What’s an ag well? It’s a long, skinny hole in the ground reaching to a subterranean pond that, when you attach a windmill to [...]
Hugs Twisty! Whaa?
Well, Twisty may be orbiting some distant star in a talking robot ship that makes her margaritas and tacos, but her fan mail continues to pour in here in Cottonmouth County. The post office at Rattlesnake is swamped, and are thinking of giving her her own zip [...]
Well, Zippy took a sudden turn for the worse yesterday morning. Her hind end just gave out completely. I could stand her up all right, but the slightest little puff of wind would knock her over, goddammit. The situation was untenable.
I couldn’t find a vet who’d do a housecall euthanasia, [...]
Creepy billboard somewhere on MoPac.
There is only one reason that pregnancy should “scare” you: your culture hates women and kids.* It especially hates teenage women. It especially hates pregnant teenage women. It especially hates teenage pregnant women who get [...]
There’s nothing quite so bracing as when you suck down half a bottle of wine with your evening ration of non-dairy whipped topping, and decide to take the dog out [...]
Extremely young white-tailed deer, Cottonmouth County, TX, June 2009.
Although there is nothing particularly heartwarming about an adorable 3-day-old fawn frolicking in a pristine Hill Country meadow without a care in the world, I’m posting this [...]
Rural Wi-Fi connection still down. The thunderstorm responsible for my involuntary disconnection from the cut-throat world of internet feminism also took out my cistern pump. This means, my young urbanites, that there is nothing to impel the flow of water from the well to the bunkhouse. I discovered this yesterday [...]
Large thunderstorm last night here in Cottonmouth County took out the internet. More precisely, it took out my little slice of the internet. I am posting this non-post from my mobile, which sucks because its keyboard was designed for amoebas, merely to inform readers who are still with us despite [...]
The White Zinfandel Scare of the 1980’s produced lingering aftershocks of dumbassness of which I was heretofore unaware. It’s 2009, and men are terrified of rosé wines. So quoth Stingray, reporting from the Spinster Sommelier Department. Apparently, when non-oenophile men and women attend her wine tastings, men eschew the rosé [...]
Does anything say “For the lovagod douse this flame of heartwarmth before I self-immolate!” like a pair of striped bark scorpions caught inadvertently in a spider trap under the frigidaire?
The great romantic tragedy of this tableau: [...]
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that, for good or ill, I’ll continue publishing blogularisms until the next batch of pointless criticism drives me completely underground. I mention this because some of you have expressed an interest. To those who have not expressed an interest: I bet you’re bored as [...]
Twisty caught the red-eye back to Obstreperon last night. Her work here, she said, was done. Before she left she implanted a Blame-U-Lator in my lobe (the device will enable her to inject feminist dogma directly into my brain from anywhere in the space-time continuum). Then she rolled up in [...]
