[...] 
Sarah Palin, commenting about Newsweek:
...to bring you this very important breaking news update.
Oh, the inhumanity! Isn't there anybody who can stop the scourge of this terrible dementia robbing prominent Republicans of their memories?
' [...] 
Gosh, I sure hope those drought conditions ease, what with all these heavy rains and flash floods today.
No need to thank God for Mississippi on this measure, El Paso, because you're number 1. 
It's "that week" again. Put your best guess in the comments section on what's happened to this kid since this picture appeared on national TV.
Ah, weddings. There's nothing like 'em. The feel of change, promise, and better things yet to come is in the air. The best weddings reflect that feeling well, and this slide show created for one couple's wedding is certainly no exception.
He finally came clean:
Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters will not under any circumstances stoop to making fun of the name of the first suspect in this prostitution arrest.
[...] 
A country, incidentally, in which the cops can take your stuff, then sell it to pay for the legal defense for taking your stuff.
[...] 
Too bad this entry was submitted too late to be considered, 'cause it's a good one. The credit goes to Dick Tagain. So if you like this entry, you like Dick.
Sunset over Austin, from the Annie's List event.
Q. Who has been sharply critical of President Obama in the last few days?
Please help welcome my frequent colleague Glenn Smith to the sandbox, as he rolls out his new website Dog Canyon. Glenn's site promises to be a frequent "must visit."
[...] 
I'd give today's Big Bend sunset a 4. And that's counting the comfy porch rocking chair and cold Dos Equis, both of which significantly enhance the total experience.
[...] 
One Midland County sheriff's deputy has reportedly been fired, and another four disciplined, when they asked a scantily-clad waitress in Williamson County to go outside the "Twin Peaks" restaurant and pose for pictures with the assault rifle the officers had in the trunk of their vehicle. They' [...] 
I got your death panel right down here, buddy: Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia criticized his colleagues for the nerve of their majority opinion, and instead says that if a guy is convicted of murder, but then is later found to almost certainly not be guilty of the crime [...] 
Are you effing kidding me??!!
...only outlaws will have antlers.
Who needs to dream up satire, when we have the crack staff down at the Austin American-Statesman's website writing headlines like this? Gosh, I hope all my friends down in greater 78704 have survived this tragic ordeal. When will this hit CNN?
Me too. Worst of all, I often wonder what other important stories around the world are being pushed out of the public eye as a result of such saturation coverage. For example, much of the mainstream media has shamefully ignored the important saga of two Mexican midget wrestlers being killed by fake prostitutes.
[...] 
I will give 100 cash American dollars to anybody who can convince a candidate to run for the Texas Legislature, in any district, as a Republican or Democrat, whose name is legitimately the same as this guy's. We would never run out of punchlines.
This photo was taken mere seconds before an Austin political consultant (back to camera, thank God) disappeared into the ground forever, as a freak earthquake opened a fissure in the ground in Big Bend. In the distance is the glow of a massive explosion in El Paso, hundreds of miles [...] 
Remember that married guy you had the secret affair with recently? 
...but it will also vastly improve morale 
Meet Mr. Spooner, an 86-year-old combat veteran who testified earlier this year in a public hearing in Maine, on a marriage equality bill. I don't think they make "lifetime Republicans" in Texas like this one.
I think 
Can't you see the resemblance?
Well, I suppose it's a good thing they 
Rudy Giuliani, the pro-gay rights, pro-choice, pro-gun control former Mayor of New York, campaigning in Texas for Rick Perry, the anti-fun governor? 
I think your programs are working great, 
Circle the most appropriate answer:
...ginormous flabs of 
The newspaper headline you've been dreaming of, the one you've been waiting for all your lives, is 
Do NOT let me catch you 
