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Items by Claude

  • Pfeffernsse!

    Baltimore Diary

    [Ross is selling girl scout cookies]

    Chandler: So, how many boxes did you sell?

    Ross: 517.

    Chandler: Wow.

    Ross: Yeah, I know. A week ago, I was at the planetarium, and as they were leaving I sold like 50 boxes. That's when I realized what sells a lot of these- [...]

    Posted: December 18, 2009, 11:48pm EST
    by Claude
  • Ball's in Someone Else's Court

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0
    Getoutofjailcc2

    George Carlin: Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.

    --What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)

    -------------------------------------

     I had jury duty [...]

    Posted: December 17, 2009, 11:35pm EST
    by Claude
  • The Endings You Didn't Get to See

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0
    A bit or two of holiday fun. 

    An SNL Charlie Brown Christmas by Robert Smigel



    Bad Bad | MySpace Video

    [...]
    Posted: December 15, 2009, 11:12pm EST
    by Claude
  • Techno Boy to the Rescue

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Haley Graham: Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by' [...]

    Posted: December 11, 2009, 10:08pm EST
    by Claude
  • All Kinds of Wonderfulness

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0

    Note: This post is pinned till next weekend. Scroll down for new stuff. 

    George Bailey: Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan! 

    --It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

    --------------------------------------------

    I gotta tellya, I was pretty worried this year.

    After all the back and forth and the this and' [...]

    Posted: December 09, 2009, 12:32am EST
    by Claude
  • Shop Class

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    Otto Meyer: [Honking car as it pulls into the Ray & Irwin Garage] Fellas. I'm glad you're here. Look, I need your help. Here's what happened. I had this blowout. I think there's a spare in the back. It may be a little flat. Take a look at it will [...]

    Posted: December 07, 2009, 1:09am EST
    by Claude
  • Weather or Not

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0

    Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.

    Leela: Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

    --Futurama, “Xmas Story” (12/19/99)

    ---------------------------------

    Hey! It’s the first snowfall of the season!

    Here’s a Fun Fact: For six of the last eight years now, we’ve' [...]

    Posted: December 05, 2009, 5:18pm EST
    by Claude
  • Atonement

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I' [...]

    Posted: December 02, 2009, 1:10am EST
    by Claude
  • Gone To The Fair

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0

    Don Eppes: [picks up paper airplane off floor] Who made this?

    Charlie Eppes: Me. Why?

    Don Eppes: Well, wings are a little thin here, buddy.

    Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Hey, wait, wait, let me see this.

    Charlie Eppes: Forgive me if all my years of advanced applied mathematics take issue with [...]

    Posted: November 30, 2009, 12:55am EST
    by Claude
  • That Old Joke About Arguing On The Internet Isnt Such a Joke Sometimes

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 3

    Earl Sinclair: Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opppsite of a vegetable? Fruit. So, water is a fruit. Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal, [...]

    Posted: November 17, 2009, 10:13pm EST
    by Claude
  • I Should Have Just Looked for This Clip in the First Place

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    This is a clip from the Sanford and Son episode I wrote about yesterday. I was doubting the preciseness of my memory so I went looking for it. It's not for the types who get the vapors. You Have Been Warned. 

    It turns out I have a pretty good memory.

    Also: [...]

    Posted: November 15, 2009, 11:48pm EST
    by Claude
  • I Don't Think So, Now

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Narrator: In 1966 the Rutles faced the biggest threat to their careers. Nasty, in a widely quoted interview had apparently claimed that the Rutles were bigger than God, and was reported to have gone on to say that God had never had a hit record. The story spread like wildfire [...]

    Posted: November 15, 2009, 1:30am EST
    by Claude
  • Getting Debt-Free is Not So Much With the Free

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    Everybody: Cut, cut, cut, cut.

    Rachel: [cuts a card] You know what? I think we can leave it at that. It was kind of a symbolic gesture...

    Monica: Rachel, that was a library card.

    [Everybody cheers her on, and she reluctantly cuts a credit card]

    Chandler: You know, if you listen closely, [...]

    Posted: November 12, 2009, 8:42pm EST
    by Claude
  • Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0

    Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [after typical argument with Becker, and he leaves] What I wouldn't give to hear a screech and a thump right now!

    [screech, but no thump]

    Dr. John Becker:  You missed me, ya bastard!

    --Becker, "Physician, Heal Thyself" (1/11/99)

    --------------------------------

    I know...of all the days to not write something, I missed' [...]

    Posted: November 12, 2009, 5:27pm EST
    by Claude
  • Poolside

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Mr. Rogers: You know we've been pretending that there's going to be a swimming pool in the Neighborhood of Make Believe, and something very important I want to mention to you before we have our make believe: water and pools are NOT for children to play in by themselves. When [...]

    Posted: November 07, 2009, 9:55pm EST
    by Claude
  • Nostalgia Ain't What it Used to Be

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 0

    Don Draper: Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it' [...]

    Posted: November 05, 2009, 12:12am EST
    by Claude
  • Discriminating Taste

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Beth: Do you know what she's like? She's like a slutty version of the singing frog in that cartoon. You know, Hello my honey, hello my baby- Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Here comes Dave... Ribbit.

    Lisa: So, Beth? Does this singing frog ever tell you to do things?

    --Newsradio, [...]

    Posted: October 30, 2009, 9:08am EDT
    by Claude
  • Unfriended.

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 2

    Alfred Hitchcock: Now, if you'll excuse me, I must hurry off to a little social affair. A dear friend is guest of honor. It's a stoning. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Good night.

    --Alfred Hitchcock Presents, "Mr. Blanchard's Secret" (12/23/56)

    -------------------------------------

    The act of "unfriending" someone in Facebook is an [...]

    Posted: October 26, 2009, 1:06am EDT
    by Claude
  • Gotta Settle Down

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    Rabbi Gendler: What was that?

    Frasier: It was the classic Hebrew blessing Tu-ock-bok-nech!

    Rabbi Gendler: No, that was nothing. It was gibberish.

    Jeremy Berman: That's not gibberish, that's Klingon! Freddie's Dad just blessed him in Klingon!

    --Frasier, "Star Mitzvah" (11/5/02)

    -------------------------------------------

    Listen, Children, to a story/That was written long ago...

    OK, so Rusty comes' [...]

    Posted: October 24, 2009, 1:51am EDT
    by Claude
  • Wild Things

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    Carol: Hey King! What's your first order of business?

    Max: Let the wild rumpus start!

    --Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

    -------------------------------------------

    See, once in awhile I do see a film in the same year it was originally released. I saw Star Trek this year, too, although I admit it was in' [...]

    Posted: October 17, 2009, 11:18pm EDT
    by Claude
  • Under Cover

    Baltimore Diary

    Number of comments: 1

    Alex Trebek: Sean Connery, why don't you pick.

    Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take Anal Bum Cover for $7000

    Alex Trebek: That's...

    [Sean Connery laughs wildly ]

    Alex Trebek: That's "An Album Cover", NOT ANAL BUM COVER!

    Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek! That says Anal Bum Cover!' [...]

    Posted: October 13, 2009, 3:00pm EDT
    by Claude

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