[Ross is selling girl scout cookies]
Chandler: So, how many boxes did you sell?
Ross: 517.
Chandler: Wow.
Ross: Yeah, I know. A week ago, I was at the planetarium, and as they were leaving I sold like 50 boxes. That's when I realized what sells a lot of these- [...]
George Carlin: Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
--What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)
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I had jury duty [...]
[...]
Haley Graham: Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by' [...]
Note: This post is pinned till next weekend. Scroll down for new stuff.
George Bailey: Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!--It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
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I gotta tellya, I was pretty worried this year.
After all the back and forth and the this and' [...]
Otto Meyer: [Honking car as it pulls into the Ray & Irwin Garage] Fellas. I'm glad you're here. Look, I need your help. Here's what happened. I had this blowout. I think there's a spare in the back. It may be a little flat. Take a look at it will [...]
Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Leela: Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.
--Futurama, “Xmas Story” (12/19/99)
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Hey! It’s the first snowfall of the season!
Here’s a Fun Fact: For six of the last eight years now, we’ve' [...]
Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I' [...]
Don Eppes: [picks up paper airplane off floor] Who made this?
Charlie Eppes: Me. Why?
Don Eppes: Well, wings are a little thin here, buddy.
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Hey, wait, wait, let me see this.
Charlie Eppes: Forgive me if all my years of advanced applied mathematics take issue with [...]
Earl Sinclair: Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opppsite of a vegetable? Fruit. So, water is a fruit. Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal, [...]
This is a clip from the Sanford and Son episode I wrote about yesterday. I was doubting the preciseness of my memory so I went looking for it. It's not for the types who get the vapors. You Have Been Warned.
It turns out I have a pretty good memory.Also: [...]
Narrator: In 1966 the Rutles faced the biggest threat to their careers. Nasty, in a widely quoted interview had apparently claimed that the Rutles were bigger than God, and was reported to have gone on to say that God had never had a hit record. The story spread like wildfire [...]
Everybody: Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Rachel: [cuts a card] You know what? I think we can leave it at that. It was kind of a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel, that was a library card.
[Everybody cheers her on, and she reluctantly cuts a credit card]
Chandler: You know, if you listen closely, [...]
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [after typical argument with Becker, and he leaves] What I wouldn't give to hear a screech and a thump right now!
[screech, but no thump]
Dr. John Becker: You missed me, ya bastard!
--Becker, "Physician, Heal Thyself" (1/11/99)
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I know...of all the days to not write something, I missed' [...]
Mr. Rogers: You know we've been pretending that there's going to be a swimming pool in the Neighborhood of Make Believe, and something very important I want to mention to you before we have our make believe: water and pools are NOT for children to play in by themselves. When [...]
Don Draper: Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it' [...]
Beth: Do you know what she's like? She's like a slutty version of the singing frog in that cartoon. You know, Hello my honey, hello my baby- Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Here comes Dave... Ribbit.
Lisa: So, Beth? Does this singing frog ever tell you to do things?
--Newsradio, [...]
Alfred Hitchcock: Now, if you'll excuse me, I must hurry off to a little social affair. A dear friend is guest of honor. It's a stoning. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Good night.
--Alfred Hitchcock Presents, "Mr. Blanchard's Secret" (12/23/56)
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The act of "unfriending" someone in Facebook is an [...]
Rabbi Gendler: What was that?
Frasier: It was the classic Hebrew blessing Tu-ock-bok-nech!
Rabbi Gendler: No, that was nothing. It was gibberish.
Jeremy Berman: That's not gibberish, that's Klingon! Freddie's Dad just blessed him in Klingon!
--Frasier, "Star Mitzvah" (11/5/02)
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Listen, Children, to a story/That was written long ago...
OK, so Rusty comes' [...]
Carol: Hey King! What's your first order of business?
Max: Let the wild rumpus start!
--Where the Wild Things Are (2009)
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See, once in awhile I do see a film in the same year it was originally released. I saw Star Trek this year, too, although I admit it was in' [...]
Alex Trebek: Sean Connery, why don't you pick.
Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take Anal Bum Cover for $7000
Alex Trebek: That's...
[Sean Connery laughs wildly ]
Alex Trebek: That's "An Album Cover", NOT ANAL BUM COVER!
Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek! That says Anal Bum Cover!' [...]
Last week: Everyone arrives in Brazil. Jalapao goes to its first Tribal Council and enacts its first blindside. Who will be voted out...tonight?
Jalapao, immediately after the Tribal Council. The team convinces themselves they did the right thing and Sandy says that [...]
Just a reminder that the premiere of the 14th season of The Amazing Race will begin this Sunday night at 8:00 Eastern. Unfortunately, unlike Survivor, TAR continues to be shot in the usual low definition stuff rather than Hi-Def.
OK, let me offer up an apology for anyone who actually considered following last season here. If you read my other blog then you know I got distracted by some medical issues. I'm better now. Really.
On the other hand, it wasn't that [...]
Season 17 of Survivor begins this evening beginning at 8:00 on the East Coast. I hope you have a "smart" DVR, because it's on the schedule as running until 10:01, which means that it'll crash into the first minute of the "ER" premiere. (I seem to [...] 
There are a bunch of preview videos for Survivor Gabon over at Cnet TV.
The first one is the opening three-and-a-half minutes of the show, which would be the teaser, the opening credits and then maybe the first thirty seconds of the show itself, [...]
