Fatal Funnel

• Hope

  I'm embarrassed to admit that this blog has become a dumping ground for all the disappointment, contempt, and hate I have for society as a whole. I pursued this career not to fight the public, but to be the rock that they went to when their whole world dropped out' [...]
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  Posted: December 14, 2009, 11:06am EST
  

• Today

  Today I laughed.Today I cried.Today I was grateful I could still feel. [...]
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  Posted: December 10, 2009, 6:09pm EST
  

• I don't think so...

  I was told that the head honcho gave a verbal order that there would be no citations or written warnings issued until after the holidays for traffic offenses. Instead, we are to warn them and offer them happy holiday wishes. Over 30 days of motor vehicular lawlessness.When did I become [...]
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  Posted: December 02, 2009, 5:42pm EST
  

• Holiday stats wrap up

  Two attempted suicidesTwo trespass/unwanted person callsOne alcohol related callNo too bad for an 8 hour shift. [...]
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  Posted: November 27, 2009, 4:06pm EST
  

• Turkey day

  Have a Happy Thanksgiving.If you've got to travel, do so safely. Don't forget to remember those who can't be with their families because they're looking out for the world's and our best interests when you say grace. [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 6:59pm EST
  

• Thanks...I think

  When fighting with a suspect, the last thing I ever thought I would hear after drawing blood was "Whoa, stop. Be careful. I've got Hepatitis B."' [...]
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  Posted: November 20, 2009, 2:13am EST
  

• It's all I want!

  [...]
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  Posted: November 12, 2009, 8:54am EST
  

• Thank you

  [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 8:51am EST
  

• Bouncing checks

  I've heard it all - Wait until these cuffs come off, take the badge off and we'll settle this, I'm going to find you and fuck you up, I'll find where you live, I'll kill your family, I'll rape your mother, You'll get yours, You're dead...the list goes on infinitely.In [...]
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  Posted: November 04, 2009, 11:25pm EST
  

• The curtains flew then he appeared...

  Happy Halloween [...]
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  Posted: October 31, 2009, 1:48am EDT
  

• Sad little lemmings

  I feel bad for most people. They're little sad lemmings and they don't even realize it.I was assigned to a road under construction for some night paving. The construction crews had placed barricades across the road along with signs in plain, easy to understand English informing them the road was [...]
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  Posted: October 24, 2009, 1:31am EDT
  

• Smile

  Just updated the music player and sharing a funny. *Click to embiggin* [...]
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  Posted: October 21, 2009, 7:17pm EDT
  

• Food for thought

  A cop’s life is the worst 20 minutes of someone else’s life. [...]
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  Posted: October 19, 2009, 8:42am EDT
  

• Where are the cool people?

  I'm tired of coming in contact with assholes. Just once I want to be able to say "I like that guy/gal/kid."Instead, I get the pond scum that think a complaint should be filed if you don't give them the answer they want to hear. Look, if you want that, hire [...]
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  Posted: October 16, 2009, 8:03pm EDT
  

• Graveyard shift

  Apparently, people think it's very weird that I like to park and sit in cemeteries when things get boring on the midnight shift. I don't see why. I think they're just wussies. It's so peaceful, especially when there's no other humans around. Plus, I dig the historical aspect. Occasionally, I'll' [...]
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  Posted: October 11, 2009, 1:54pm EDT
  

• Bleeding ears

  I updated the music player on the sidebar. In honor of Halloween, I've shared a Balzac tune and two Misfits songs. Enjoy.' [...]
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  Posted: October 05, 2009, 8:28pm EDT
  

• Same team?

  I recently got pulled over in the town where my parent live. I was in the wrong. I rolled through a stop sign without even thinking about it. It was 10pm in a very rural area. Still, I broke the law. I turned off my car, killed the radio, and [...]
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  Posted: October 03, 2009, 4:28pm EDT
  

• Little boy heroically shoots, mutilates burglar

  [...]
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  Posted: September 25, 2009, 7:22pm EDT
  

• Cops - America's punching bags

  Without being specific, I'd like to vent about something.Hypothetically speaking, lets say that officer conducts a field stop on a person exhibiting the behaviors of a person who has consumed a bunch of alcohol. During this stop, for no apparent reason, the drunkard cocks his hand back and throws a' [...]
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  Posted: September 22, 2009, 12:03am EDT
  

• SAMCRO

  I know I shouldn't like a show that glorifies the OMG lifestyle but it's so damn good.' [...]
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  Posted: September 17, 2009, 9:34pm EDT
  

• Helpful advice from Ofc Friendly

  The burden of proof lies with you when it comes to motor vehicle insurance. No, I won't hold while you try to wake your insurance agent up. I don't want to talk to them. I want to see the document here, in my hand.PS - The basis for a "false" [...]
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  Posted: September 12, 2009, 9:49pm EDT
  

• Whose problem is it really?

  I stopped a car last night, partly out of boredom, but mostly because this lady decided to ignore a stop sign right in front of me. Before I could say a thing after my approach, she says "What's your problem?" You have to read that with the emphasis on "your." [...]
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  Posted: September 10, 2009, 4:46pm EDT
  

• I'm bubbling over

  I need a vacation. The shit's getting to be a bit too much. I'm going to put in for a few days on my next shift.' [...]
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  Posted: September 05, 2009, 8:42pm EDT
  

• Spring...Er, late summer cleaning

  I've finally gotten around to tidying up a bit around here, cleaning up the links and some HTML. Trust me it was long over due and for whatever reason, I was motivated this evening.I've also changed the music in the sidebar player to two great fight songs. Picture yourself in [...]
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  Posted: September 01, 2009, 7:44pm EDT
  

• Back seat driver

  I've been pretty honest in the past when I've talked about how for the most part, I let a driver's attitude dictate their punishment on traffic stops. This memorandum serves to notify you I that the attitudes of your passengers may now dictate your punishment.Last week I stopped a mother [...]
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  Posted: August 30, 2009, 9:40pm EDT
  

• If only it worked like that

  Music player updated as well. [...]
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  Posted: August 26, 2009, 11:54am EDT
  

• Empathy and sympathy, will be the death of me

  Last night I was dispatched to a health and welfare check along with an ambulance. An almost 90 year old man had been placed on an emergency committal by his doctor because of his severe dementia.Bob had outlived his wife. His kids were grown and moved away. Bob's mind was [...]
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  Posted: August 19, 2009, 2:05pm EDT
  

• NMFJ

  Not. My. Fucking. Job.My shift got a rookie dumped on us. Despite having graduated the academy and FTO, this guy is worthless. I'd rather have actor Michael Chiklis backing me up, at least he can pull off acting like a cop. My boss has asked us to get him up' [...]
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  Posted: August 11, 2009, 10:28am EDT
  

• You're embarrassing yourself.

  Dear lady suffering from either severe PMS or menopause,Thank you for the 15 minute argument about how I'm not doing my job, how your taxes pay my meager salary, and how it's my job to see that you're satisfied. My favorite part was when I told you that action, or [...]
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  Posted: August 06, 2009, 11:44pm EDT
  

• Lean on me

  I can't tell you how thankful I am to have non-law enforcement friends that allow me to lean on them when I need to. Because I'm feeling a little burned out, I figured I'd dig this thing up again.Soundtrack of your lifeHere's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp,' [...]
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  Posted: August 04, 2009, 1:45am EDT
  

• Sometimes you need a smile...

  [...]
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  Posted: July 30, 2009, 12:07am EDT
  

• Email

  Received via email from The House of Representatives(which kind of scares me) today: Click to view full size [...]
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  Posted: July 27, 2009, 8:11pm EDT
  

• POTUS doesn't like cops

  I've got a bucket full of frustration but can't write about any of it because it's so specific someone in my department could trace this back to me. That only adds to the frustration. So, let's look at the President's comments about police officers and the arrest of a race [...]
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  Posted: July 23, 2009, 11:38am EDT
  

• Big brother is watching

  Here's a helpful hint:When talking smack and laughing about the reasons you got pulled over, make sure the backup officer(me) isn't standing nearby in the dark watching and listening.Talk about a 180 degree attitude adjustment when you get hammered for every little thing instead of the warning you were going' [...]
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  Posted: July 21, 2009, 1:03am EDT
  

• Suck my ball bag, you paper pushing asshole

  Let me get this straight -I'm responding to a burglary alarm at an electronics warehouse with no backup. During my response I hit an intersection blocked by a city bus parked at a curb and two dolts who instead of yielding, freeze like a deer in headlights blocking any path' [...]
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  Posted: July 16, 2009, 12:58pm EDT
  

• LTJ knows why I haven't had anything to share

  [...]
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  Posted: July 14, 2009, 1:53am EDT
  

• Mmmm, waffles.

  This is for Beat and Release.I've made waffles on two non-consecutive occasions.' [...]
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  Posted: July 09, 2009, 1:34am EDT
  

• Ambush!

  I came across an article from PoliceOne.com published back in May about being ambushed in your vehicle and found it interesting. If you've been verified as an officer at P1, you can read it here.If you haven't been verified yet, what are you waiting for? It's free, confidential, and makes [...]
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  Posted: July 06, 2009, 1:00am EDT
  

• Happy Birthday, America

  [...]
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  Posted: July 04, 2009, 12:09pm EDT
  

• How to clay bar your car

  I just finished using the clay on the muscle car this afternoon. It's all snug under the car cover awaiting the wax tomorrow. [...]
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  Posted: June 30, 2009, 6:54pm EDT
  

• Dear comedian - An open letter

  Dear comedian(I use that word loosely),You may think you've got what it takes to win the next "Last comic standing," but trust me your jokes are neither original nor funny. Believe me when I tell you that if I had a nickel for every time I walked into a business' [...]
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  Posted: June 26, 2009, 1:05am EDT
  

• It's funny because it's true

  http://xkcd.com/ [...]
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  Posted: June 22, 2009, 2:11am EDT
  

• Worry

  In the past week, I and my shift mates have come close to using deadly force on a few occasions. Despite the rise in violent activity, the Chief has refused to hire overtime and continues to run us at mandatory minimum shift coverage, often only two guys on. We've had' [...]
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  Posted: June 19, 2009, 1:46pm EDT
  

• Partners

  "Aw, aren't you a little sweetheart."That was what my beat partner said after I walked away from a traffic stop he was backing me up on. I had just released a guy(after telling him to pull his head out of his ass) with verbal warnings for operating in the wrong' [...]
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  Posted: June 16, 2009, 3:22am EDT
  

• Statistic

  When I was in college, the professors constantly discussed the statistics regarding law enforcement officers, probably because most were either retired or current officers. I heard over and over again the staggering number of failed marriages, alcohol and drug dependencies, and suicides that plague the profession. I always had a [...]
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  Posted: June 14, 2009, 1:34am EDT
  

• Ghost hunters

  Those of you who have popped in here and there may remember this call of paranormal activity at an old building in town. If not, check it out - I'll wait.Done? Okay good.The other night, we got an alarm for the same building. I got there first and watched the' [...]
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  Posted: June 10, 2009, 12:09pm EDT
  

• Blast from the past

  It's a small world. I ran into a girl I had a crush on in the 4th grade the other night. Back then, I professed my love, and she and her friends made fun of me. Bitches.Jamie now works as a 911 dispatcher in a nearby city. She was the [...]
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  Posted: June 09, 2009, 5:08pm EDT
  

• D-Day: 65 years later

  "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." [...]
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  Posted: June 05, 2009, 7:14pm EDT
  

• March of the morons

  Something on my uniform is a moron magnet. I'm thinking of taking up a collection to have scientific tests run on every part of my daily wear to find the cause and therefore, solution to the problem.There's the guy who claimed he didn't see me diverting traffic around an accident, [...]
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  Posted: June 02, 2009, 4:41pm EDT
  

• Little old lady

  I was standing near the wrecked ford, the victim of a motor vehicle accident, shooting the shit with one of my partners. The accident wasn't too bad. One person went to the hospital with very minor injuries and having completed our interviews and notes, we were just waiting for a' [...]
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  Posted: May 28, 2009, 11:33am EDT