Nihilist In Golf Pants

• Top 11 Reasons That Tiger Woods Was Stepping Out On Elin Nordegren With Rachel Uchitel (among others)

  11. Liked the way that Rachel referred to it as "taking out your long iron" 10. Working out with Rachel helped him knock a couple of strokes off his game 9. Rachel laid down for him even easier than Phil Mickelson8. Elin will no longer polish his club7. Elin took [...]
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  Posted: December 02, 2009, 5:21pm EST
  

• Top 11 Candidates for Notre Dame Head Football Coach

  11. Lou Holtz10. Tim Brewster9. Jerry Faust8. Kate Moss (to get someone as dissimilar to Charlie Weis as possible)7. Tom Cruise6. The guy who played the coach in "Rudy"5. Kate Michelman4. The dude who snuck his wife into the state dinner3. Khalid Sheik Mohamed2. The Nihilist in Golf Pants1. Barrack [...]
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  Posted: November 30, 2009, 2:31pm EST
  

• There's A Rumor Going 'Round; Someone's Underground

  Nihilist In Golf Pants editors are investigating reports that Attorney General Eric Holder replaced the documentation for the presidential pardon of Courage, the Thanksgiving Day turkey with paperwork pardoning 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Muhammad.At this point, we just don't know whether or not the pardon switch happened or whether it' [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 7:21pm EST
  

• Top 11 Reasons Iron World Is Closing

  Sad news out of Chisholm, MN. The theme park formerly known as Iron World is shutting its doors.I guess I can tear up that lifetime pass the Nihilist bought me for my birthday last year. Ah well, here are the top 11 reaons why we suspect it's closing.11) Kids aren't' [...]
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  Posted: November 20, 2009, 8:00pm EST
  

• Top 11 Suggested Titles for Levi Johnston's Upcoming Autobiography

  11) Going Commando: An American Life Without Underwear10) Going Condomless9) The Audacity of Knocking Up Sarah Palin’s Daughter8) Yes I Can Reproduce!7) 100 Girls I'd Like to Pork6) Son in Law (with foreword by Paulie Shore)5) Mommie-in-Law Dearest4) She Burned the Turkey Tetrazzini and Other True Stories of Sarah Palin3)' [...]
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  Posted: November 18, 2009, 11:54am EST
  

• Top 11 Alternate Titles Suggested by Marketing for Sarah Palin's new book, "Going Rogue: An American Life"

  11) Going Rouge: Hot Make Up Tips to Look Like Me10) Going Toga: Tales From My Sorority Days9) The Life and Times of Levi Johnston's Mother-in-Law8) Joe Biden is a Big Bald Idiot7) Katie Couric Can Kiss My Ass!6) The Big Book of Alaskan Humor5) A MILF in the White [...]
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  Posted: November 17, 2009, 7:39pm EST
  

• Damn Liberal Yankees

  If you need another reason to hate the Democrats, here it is. Union workers, welfare queens and and illegal aliens thrive under Democratic administrations, but not as much as the New York Yankees.In this, the first year of the Obama Administration, the Yankees won their first World Series since . [...]
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  Posted: November 06, 2009, 8:26pm EST
  

• You Go Girl

  There's been a lot of talk about the importance of positive body images for women. US Magazine recently ran a positive story about normal, everyday women who love their bodies. Or do they? Here are the top 11 body image quotes from the article, from the woman who said it:11. [...]
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  Posted: November 04, 2009, 6:06pm EST
  

• Foot And Mouth Disease

  Our good friend LearnedFoot is officially a missing person. His whereabouts have been unknown since 3 pm last Sunday. While no one seems to know where he is, we have a top 11 list of likely speculations regarding his whereabouts:11. Naked in the fetal position in his basement muttering, "how" [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 7:48pm EST
  

• Packer Fans' Status Alert Update: on to Bargaining

  [...]
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  Posted: November 01, 2009, 6:29pm EST
  

• Top 11 Reasons President Obama Cancelled Plans to Attend the 20th Anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall

  11. Confused when staff told him he couldn’t blame the destruction of the Berlin Wall on George W. Bush and Fox News 10. He's planning to spend millions in stimulus funds on rebuilding the Berlin Wall9. Heard that David Haselhoff would be opening for him 8. DVD box set of [...]
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  Posted: October 20, 2009, 9:21am EDT
  

• Top 11 REAL reasons King Banaian is leaving NARN

  It has been announced that King Banaian, founding member of the Northern Alliance Radio Network, is ending the Final Word radio program on AM1280 the Patriot and starting a new show, Saturdays from 9 - 11 AM on sister station KYRC (AM 1570).Rumors are swirling about his motivations. Here are [...]
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  Posted: October 16, 2009, 3:59pm EDT
  

• Top 11Reasons St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman Isn't Running for Governor

  11) Couldn't bear to challenge fellow "Brokeback Mayor" RT Rybak10) Already closed a deal with Norm to buy his old "Coleman for Senate" yard signs9) Concerned it would call into question the journalistic integrity of brother Nick's Twitter feed and lose him dozens of followers8) Most of campaign staff and' [...]
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  Posted: October 09, 2009, 12:05pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Accomplishments that Won President Obama the Nobel Peace Prize

  11. His election lowered the incidence of hate-filled profanity-laced rants on liberal blogs by over 75%10. He was responsible for Rio being awarded the first South American Olympics9. His domestic policies have reduced the income gap between the world’s richest country and the third world8. His brave inaction over corrupt [...]
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  Posted: October 09, 2009, 9:00am EDT
  

• Top 11 Discoveries By NASA's Spitzer Telescope

  11. A giant ring of space debris orbiting Saturn10. A giant ring of failure and McDonald's wrappers orbiting around Charlie Weis9. Dante's second ring of hell (lust) 8. A ring of hair around his shower drain7. His wife's wedding ring at a pawn shop6. A Beatles Revolution #9 ring tone [...]
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  Posted: October 07, 2009, 9:13pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Possible New Names If Rush Limbaugh Buys the St. Louis Rams

  11. St. Louis Hate 10. St. Louis Rush9. The St. Louis Hey-Did-You-Hear-He-Was-Briefly-Addicted-to-Oxycontins8. St. Louis Snerdleys 7. Excellence in St. Louis Football6. St. Louis Drivebys 5. St. Louis Dittoheads4. St. Louis Shock Jocks3. St. Louis Angry White Men (could impact their on field performance) 2. St. Louis Magic Negroes (that's what [...]
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  Posted: October 06, 2009, 1:53pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Reasons The International Olympic Committee Rejected Chicago's Bid To Host The 2016 Olympics

  11. Required that the host nation be financially solvent10. Still angry over lack of prostitutes at the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics9. Refused to accept Obama's demand that ACORN have exclusive rights to manage prostitution at the 2016 games8. After listening to Obama's speeches for the last nine months, [...]
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  Posted: October 02, 2009, 1:43pm EDT
  

• Top 11 David Letterman Excuses for Having Affairs with Underlings

  11. He's gotta plead ignorance because he wasn't aware that that sort of thing was frowned upon when he started working at CBS.10. CBS kept cutting his staff’s salary and benefits and he felt he should do something special for them 9. Did it as a tribute to the late' [...]
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  Posted: October 02, 2009, 11:17am EDT
  

• Top 11 Pick Up Lines Sisyphus Is Using in Las Vegas

  11) In my spare time I like to write withering and anonymous social commentary ..... in my underpants.10) You probably know me from my coverage of the Ramsey County Soil and Water Conservation Supervisor Elections.9) Would you like to come up to my room and see my City Pages Right [...]
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  Posted: September 24, 2009, 4:10pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Reasons President Obama Appeared On David Letterman Last Night

  11. Has narrowed it down to Letterman and Al Franken for Rape Joke Czar10. Considering Larry Bud Melman as new Green Jobs Czar9. Worried that his health care plan wasn't getting enough exposure in the media 8. He'll go on any show that isn't on Fox7. Wanted to announce new' [...]
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  Posted: September 22, 2009, 4:01pm EDT
  

• Packer Fans' Status Alert Update

  [...]
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  Posted: September 20, 2009, 3:47pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Fashion Week Fashions

  As you know, this is fashion week in New York City. No need to go all the way to the Big Apple to find out what the smart set will be wearing in Spring 2010; here I present the top 11 fashions week fashions:11. The ingenious Snuggie makes its Fashion [...]
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  Posted: September 18, 2009, 9:40pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Insults of the President Allowed by the House of Representatives

  The Democrats controlling the House Rules committee have come out with guidelines for members on which insults of the President are and are not allowed. Here are the top 11 allowed insults:11. Twin Tower demolisher10. Dangerous right wing neocon extremist hate monger who wants to slow the growth in federal [...]
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  Posted: September 16, 2009, 12:05pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Reasons Obama is Coming to the Target Center on Saturday to Promote His Health Care Reforms

  11) Wants to use the Timberwolves as an example of another dysfunctional, expensive, and under performing system10) Will emphasize no health care for illegal immigrants, unless Ricky Rubio comes here9) Will promise to finally find a cure for Michael Williams' plantar fasciitis8) Trying to piggy back on the success and' [...]
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  Posted: September 11, 2009, 4:17pm EDT
  

• On Teabagging

  EDITOR'S NOTE: As the sole remaining contributor to the Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog - the others having fled to more respectable digs - I have assumed the title of Editor in Chief. As such, I have relaxed the editorial standards so that I may make gratuitous reference to male' [...]
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  Posted: September 09, 2009, 12:46pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Other Names For Hugh Hewitt's New Premium Content Site

  Pundit and talk radio shock jock Hugh Hewitt has recently launched a premium content website called The Hughniverse. Here are the Top 11 other names that were considered for the site. 11. Hugh & Cry10. Behind the Khaki Dockers 9. Hughoogle8. Hugh Jazz 7. A Room with a Hugh6. Pay [...]
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  Posted: September 01, 2009, 3:45pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Words For Which Brett Favre Doesn't Know The Meaning

  In the linked clip, Brett Favre says that no one on the Vikings would use the word schism to describe the team's QB situation. Defensive lineman Jared Allen suggested that no one on the Vikings knows the meaning of that word.Therefore, we present the top 11 words for which Brett [...]
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  Posted: August 29, 2009, 3:06pm EDT
  

• Stick Her Face In Some Dough And Make Gorilla Cookies

  Earlier this week, I had the displeasure of trying to participate in our democratic process. Easily, the worst part of trying to join Senator Amy Klobuchar's Health Care Town Hall was surfing over to the Senator's official web site only to be greeted by this photo of Senator Klobuchar.I'll be' [...]
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  Posted: August 27, 2009, 8:40pm EDT
  

• Top Eleven Changes To The Health Care Reform Bill That Democrats Are Planning To Make It More Palatable To The American People

  11. Doctors required to perform mandatory reach arounds with all rectal exams 10. IRS agents will heretofore be prohibited from performing colonoscopies9. Drug company executives who run erectile dysfunction ads during sporting events to be water-boarded and sent to Guantanamo Bay 8. Promise to recruit only med students who resemble [...]
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  Posted: August 25, 2009, 1:29pm EDT
  

• Welcome To The Country Club

  Joe Klein reports at Time that The GOP Has Become a Party of Nihilists. No word on their choice of leg wear. Party on Joe. [...]
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  Posted: August 20, 2009, 9:54am EDT
  

• Viking Fans' Status Alert Level (With Bonus Flow Chart)

  Because the Nihilist in Golf Pants blog strives to be fair and balanced, we have also created a Viking Fan Status Alert. Though, I'm not sure of what use it is, since it hasn't changed in the last 40 years: If you're wondering how I, a mere blogger, was able' [...]
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  Posted: August 19, 2009, 12:06pm EDT
  

• Packer Fans’ Status Alert Level

  The last few days have been trying for our friends in the green and gold. Their former QB, Brett Favre, has joined the Vikings to win a Super Bowl for his ten year old daughter. To help us understand what Packer fans are going through as we progress through the [...]
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  Posted: August 19, 2009, 8:52am EDT
  

• Let the Drubbings Begin

  No, I’m not referring to the Vikings’ pre-season domination of the Indianapolis Colts. I’m referring to our favorite English Premier League football team, Arsenal. Not only did we win our opener, but we crushed – on the road, against our most hated rival. Power Line-backed Everton was routed by a [...]
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  Posted: August 15, 2009, 2:56pm EDT
  

• Separated At Birth

  The Democrats push to get a health care bill signed this fall. Sure, it would be nice to have debate on the subject and craft a carefully thought out plan. On the other hand, the President says it has to be done now, so we don't really have time to' [...]
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  Posted: August 14, 2009, 9:52pm EDT
  

• Guidelines For Your Town Hall Meeting

  Congresspersons and Senators have begun holding "town hall" meetings to discuss the Obama Healthcare bills that they will be voting on this fall. Conservatives have attended many of these so far. However, it concerns me that conservative activists might not be employing the proper tactics to make sure their voices [...]
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  Posted: August 14, 2009, 12:08pm EDT
  

• Here, Have Some of My Useless Crap

  They're spreading the wealth at Drinking Liberally tonight!Tomorrow night, August 6th, there will be a special VHS videotape giveaway sponsored by one of DL’s frequent attendees. He’s got about 250 videotape movies for which he now has DVDs and wants to give the tapes to his DL friends. He’s quite' [...]
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  Posted: August 06, 2009, 12:10pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Offers/Demands By Bill Clinton In Negotiation Freedom For The Two Female Journalists Held Hostage By North Korea

  11. Offered to print up some of those cool "socialism" posters, but with Kim Jong Il as the Joker10. Offered to send Al Gore for next round of talks if negotiations weren't quickly concluded9. Demanded to verify the women's identities by seeing them naked8. Offered Kim a cigar from his' [...]
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  Posted: August 04, 2009, 9:52pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Reasons for the Resignation of Acting White House Cybersecurity Czar, Melissa Hathaway

  11. Hillary berates her for hours every time Bill finds a new way around the porn firewall10. Got tired of spending all of her time photoshopping Hawaiian birth certificates9. Every time she brings up prosecuting e-mail scammers, Obama insists on diplomatic talks with the Nigerian Ministers8. Inundated with spam from [...]
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  Posted: August 04, 2009, 9:42pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Reasons Brett Favre Spurned The Vikings

  11. Street price for Vicodin way higher in Minneapolis than Green Bay10. Doesn't want to be associated with a state that would elect a clown to the U.S. Senate9. The only street Minneapolis was willing to rename after him was Dowling Avenue8. Angry that Colin Peterson refused to hold a' [...]
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  Posted: July 29, 2009, 9:34pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Things Likely to be Said When Obama, Gates and Crowley Meet Over Beers at the White House

  11) So, how long have you been a racist?10) Which do you cling more to, your guns or your religion?9) I'll open another beer for your mother!8) What do you have against dark beer Crowley?7) Do I want more pretzels? Why, because I'm a black man in America!?6) I just [...]
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  Posted: July 28, 2009, 6:02pm EDT
  

• Might As Well Face It, He's A Dick

  Since Preident Obama's press conference didn't go so well last night, I thought he might have more success if he put his healthcare plan to music. Robert Palmer's "Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor Doctor)" works nicely.A big summer fight is what Congress getsI'm gotta pass my healthcare yetI need [...]
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  Posted: July 23, 2009, 9:35pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Next Candidates Who Will Seek Positions Of Power In Papa John Kolstad's Wake

  Now that the Minneapolis City Republican Committee has endorsed Papa John Kolstad to run for mayor of Minneapolis, we expect it to start a new trend in politics. Here are the Top 11 Next Candidates Who Will Seek Positions Of Power In Papa John Kolstad's Wake. 11. David "Big Papi" [...]
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  Posted: July 23, 2009, 12:00pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Future Posts By Mitch Berg Of Things He's Supposed To Love But Can't Stand

  Over at Shot in the Dark, Mitch Berg has an on-going series of posts that have the title "Things I'm Supposed To Love But Can't Stand: ____" with the blank being filled with a different thing in each post. So far, Mitch's series includes such things as: - Single Malt [...]
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  Posted: July 22, 2009, 12:49am EDT
  

• He'll Fit Right In

  Nick "Non-Monkey" Coleman, October 2004:Bloggers are hobby hacks, the Internet version of the sad loners who used to listen to police radios in their bachelor apartments and think they were involved in the world.***Most bloggers are not fit to carry a reporter’s notebook.***Bloggers don’t know about anything that happened before [...]
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  Posted: July 21, 2009, 1:17pm EDT
  

• Top 11 People Who Would Be Worse Number 2 Hitters than Sisyphus

  I think the Nihilist was a little harsh on Sisyphus in that last post, possibly resulting in hurt feelings and future threats to reduce his blog output. In an effort to make the big guy feel a little better about himself, I offer the top 11 number 2 hitters worse [...]
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  Posted: July 20, 2009, 11:11am EDT
  

• Top 11 Players Who Would Make A Worse Number 2 Hitter than Alexi Casilla

  So Mr. Negative (Sisyphus) is down on Ron Gardenhire for batting Alexi Casilla 2nd in what otherwise is a very potent order. Being a glass half full kind of guy, I prefer to look on the bright side. Here are a few people who would be worse.11. Carol Gardenhire (no [...]
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  Posted: July 19, 2009, 2:04pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Players Who Would Make A Better Number 2 Hitter than Alexi Casilla

  I am starting to get more than a little peaved with Minnesota Twins manager Ron Gardenhire’s insistence on batting the inept Alexi Casilla (.169 Avg. 8 Runs 5 RBIs) in the number two spot. In order to help the Twins out, I offer the top 11 players who would make [...]
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  Posted: July 18, 2009, 8:48pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Things Hugh Hewitt Really Was Doing In Kosovo

  11. Taping some ads for his new sponsor, Roger Schlesinger's Sharia Mortgage Minute10. Trying to recruit a ringer for his trivia team so he can finally beat the Fraters 9. Wanted a close-up look at a war Paul Wellstone supported8. Conducting research his new book "Painting Pristina Red" 7. Hugh [...]
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  Posted: July 17, 2009, 10:36am EDT
  

• Nihilist Fantasy Meets Reality

  From the Nihilist in Golf Pants, June 21, 2008 - Top 11 Items in the Star Tribune Plan to Exit Bankruptcy: 10) Start a new section devoted exclusively to news about Brett Favre joining the Vikings Star Tribune announcement, July 13, 208:With anticipation building for Brett Favre's formal arrival in [...]
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  Posted: July 16, 2009, 8:53pm EDT
  

• Top 11 Highlights of the Real-Time Audio Replay of the Apollo 11 Mission

  NASA is replaying the real-time audio of the Apollo 11 mission exactly 40 years after it happened. Being geeks, we’re listening to every second. But if you don’t have the time for that, here are the top 11 highlights:11. “What idiot meal planner decided to make the first night bean [...]
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  Posted: July 16, 2009, 3:00pm EDT