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The Kool Aid Report

  • I'm so glad we had this time together

    Dear KARnies,We've seen a lot of moving about and jumping out of the blogosphere this past year. Foot moved on to infrequent posting at Nihilist, Nihilist to Fraters, Bogus Doug went to Shot in the Dark, King Banananananaiiiiiiian moving around radio stations, etc. As Foot noted early this year, it' [...]
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    Posted: October 20, 2009, 3:25pm EDT

  • Why Men Get Manicures...

    [...]
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    Posted: October 20, 2009, 3:23pm EDT

  • They Hate You! They Really Really Hate You!

    When you're a leftyblog "cartoonist", and even the pantloads at "Talking Points Memo" think you suck......then it really is time to suck the pipe, creatively speaking.Especially when they hate you because you make shit up:this time around, not all speech balloons from Bachmann are necessarily direct quotes from the woman' [...]
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    Posted: October 12, 2009, 9:19pm EDT

  • Bodily Functions - Week in Review

    I realized I haven't posted on poop in a while. Here's a rec(r)ap:ANA(L) airlinesJapanese airline All Nippon wants passengers to use bathroom pre-flight to cut carbon emissions We got your emissions right here, ANA. I hope passengers all enjoy a Chipotle before boarding, so as to clog the toilets and' [...]
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    Posted: October 09, 2009, 9:11am EDT

  • No Favre Hate in KARville

    ...unless you're a Packer fan. Vikes won 30-23. Sisyphus' alert graphic hasn't been upgraded yet, but Pack fans are decidedly in code orange:White-hot Favre haters, feel free to pile on in the comments section. Favre fans, pile on the love.' [...]
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    Posted: October 06, 2009, 6:59am EDT

  • The Official Brett Favre Hate-fest Pile-on Round-up

    It's Monday.It's also Packer/Vikings game day. Foot's been hatin' on Favre ever since he turned purple. For example, his last Favre alert status graphic:As a public service, KAR offers our comments section to vent your burning, white-hot hatred of Favre. Of course, it can also as a clearinghouse for Packer' [...]
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    Posted: October 04, 2009, 10:27pm EDT

  • Landscaping WIN

    [...]
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    Posted: September 29, 2009, 2:00pm EDT

  • 80's Male FAIL

    Holy crap! The 80's. Pitiful, effeminate girley-men:Fred, the Jeffrey Daumerish, geekish Viking at 3:45 wins. I'll look around for the ladies version, where I'm sure their hair and glasses will fill the frame. Eeesh.' [...]
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    Posted: September 25, 2009, 2:33pm EDT

  • Are You Ready For Some Football (on the Oregon Trail)?

    Nice to see others having fun with Favre's retirement status. [...]
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    Posted: September 21, 2009, 10:46am EDT

  • When Things Seem At Their Worst, Play This Video.

    Work advisory alert - but if you have earbuds and your monitor doesn't face the aisle, crank it up!I know I feel much better.' [...]
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    Posted: September 14, 2009, 4:34pm EDT

  • NFL Tip of the Day: How To Stall While Answering A Question

    Update: KAR has learned that Ellis was diagnosed with a speech impediment, so maybe Failblog failed with that one. A couple of friends with speech impediments laugh and carry on when they are affected, so we'll do the same and like um, move on.' [...]
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    Posted: September 14, 2009, 12:29pm EDT

  • Minnesota Reorganization of Bloggers

    Okay. Let's see if I got this "organization" straight: Foot moved to Nihilist in Golf Pants, Sisyphus and Nihilist moved to Fraters, Bogus Doug jumped to Mitch, and Mr. D has turned into a neighborhood. I know I'm forgetting some.To end the confusion, I propose we all move to one' [...]
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    Posted: September 12, 2009, 6:27am EDT

  • Minnesota Reorganization of Bloggers

    Okay. Let's see if I got this "organization" straight: Foot moved to Nihilist in Golf Pants, Sisyphus and Nihilist moved to Fraters, Bogus Doug jumped to Mitch, and Mr. D has turned into a neighborhood. I know I'm forgetting some.To end the confusion, I propose we all move to one' [...]
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    Posted: September 11, 2009, 10:51pm EDT

  • Parent-Teacher Meeting Assignment

    Most students I trust made it through their first day of school. I loaned my whoopie cushion to my neighbor (starting 9th grade) so he could punctuate Obama's speech. This Family Guy scene shows an innovative way for parents to make their first PTA meeting a little less boring (if [...]
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    Posted: September 09, 2009, 11:15pm EDT

  • Who Was That Masked Man?

    Did Teh Andeeee or the Swifteee get into Betty (Rubble) McCollum's town hall last night?Ahahahahahahaha! [...]
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    Posted: September 01, 2009, 2:28pm EDT

  • Favre Alert Status Set To Music

    Thank you, Elmer. This is brilliant. [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2009, 6:35pm EDT

  • Favre Alert Status Redesign

    Given the current situation, we here in KAR's Department of Favreland Security have decided that the old Brett Favre Status Alert Level Meter (example of old regime here) simply was not up to the task of tracking the fickle QB's ever-changing moods and deceptions. Furthermore, it's rather confusing, what with [...]
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    Posted: August 18, 2009, 12:19pm EDT

  • Poster WIN

    [...]
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    Posted: August 12, 2009, 12:00pm EDT

  • MiLF 5: The Usual Winners

    Team Koolaid in Golf Pants wins the Millard Fillmore again this year, proudly shooting off small tongues of fire to celebrate.Note the toy lawn mower — that was a housewarming gift for loser Teh Andee. Well played gentlemen - see you on the turf next year. [...]
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    Posted: August 05, 2009, 8:16am EDT

  • Favre Status Update, Updated

    Who else was considered? The PiPress said Favre, Favre and Favre:Apparently, Favre was Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. The Vikings chose not to pursue other quarterback options such as Jay Cutler, Matt Cassel, Kurt Warner or Matt Hasselbeck, among others. They did sign Rosenfels, a career backup. So [...]
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    Posted: July 29, 2009, 6:17am EDT

  • Brett Favre Alert Status Update!!!1!

    Mr. Fastbucks requested an update with the latest buzzword. We at KAR (a skeleton crew of 1 now, I think) are happy to oblige:On a side note, at the post-MILF tonight, Foot dressed his son in Packers pajamas to help invoke a decision (as we all threw three Hail Mary [...]
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    Posted: July 25, 2009, 11:48pm EDT

  • The MiLF is here...

    ... and teams are gathering at noon to some unlucky golf course in the 'burbs.Follow our tweeties throughout the day and evening:Twitter/#millardTwitter/#postmilfTeams:KOOLAID IN GOLF PANTS (Defending champs, final group):Paul "C'mon Get" HappeBillFootCOMMENT TROLLS:Mike G.SchuttaTroy JohnsonTHE ETHNIC TEAM:BanaiaiaiaiaiianLeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeeoSteve GiglANDEE'Z TEEM:ChiefJohn (Not Jon)' [...]
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    Posted: July 24, 2009, 10:20am EDT

  • To Ken Weiner

    ...Or Ken Avidor (just to make sure you get your vanity google alert).Dear Mentally Ill Drama Queen:Notwithstanding your long-held obsession with Mitch Berg;And notwithstanding your history of shopping around whatever "dirt" you may have on him to fellow left-wing douchebloggers;And notwithstanding your publishing "dirt" you think you have on Berg [...]
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    Posted: July 18, 2009, 6:15am EDT

  • FAIL: Or WIN depending on your perspective

    I'll bet Learned Foot entered this TV weather contest:' [...]
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    Posted: July 03, 2009, 10:54am EDT

  • A Sure Sign That the MiLF is Coming

    As Inigo Montoya would say, "I do not think that word means what you think it means." [...]
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    Posted: May 26, 2009, 5:05pm EDT

  • Mawwaige...

    It's what bwings one of our favowite couples togevah... May 23. In honor of the nuptuals, KAR presents a favorite wedding scene:Check out Night Writer for the Blog Wedding of the Century. You may wonder why they didn't ask us to live blog, but we all know it's because they' [...]
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    Posted: May 22, 2009, 8:20am EDT

  • Spam of the Day

    This just arrived in my inbox (remember, I'm a chick):From: Adebowale AlvertonDate: Mon, 18 May 2009To: Iron MatronSubject: Make it reach your kneeWe are sure that lengthening will help you boost your intimate life!Lite your bedroom with fire once and for all!My boobs might reach my knee without my bra,' [...]
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    Posted: May 18, 2009, 3:08pm EDT

  • A Must-Have For The Post-MiLF This Year

    [...]
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    Posted: May 14, 2009, 4:49pm EDT

  • Somebody Stole My Bacon!!1! Oh, Wait.

    [...]
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    Posted: May 10, 2009, 10:08am EDT

  • Fishing Season FAIL

    [...]
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    Posted: April 27, 2009, 9:33am EDT

  • A Snappy Foreign Earworm Sing-Along

    Properly translated to Engrish, of course:Sauce got done for turd, young May!Twitted from my Tweeter. [...]
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    Posted: April 17, 2009, 8:08am EDT

  • KAR hijacking!

    I'm hijacking KAR for a moment to state, for the record, my Lego cartoons make Fleen look like amateurish twaddle.UPDATE: Yes, I changed this title from "KAR Hijacking" to "KAR-jacking." And, yes, I'm very mad at myself for not going with "KAR-jacking" to begin with. I'm slipping in my advancing' [...]
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    Posted: April 06, 2009, 1:03pm EDT

  • As the Yule Log is to Christmas, The Bacon Log is to MiLF

    This is a must-have menu item for the 2009 post-MiLF feast. The video lasts 13 minutes, so could also function like the yule log video played on Christmas Day. Enjoy. A drool napkin is recommended. [...]
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    Posted: March 23, 2009, 3:51pm EDT

  • Politics At Its Finest

    While we mourn fewer Foot posts here (and even fewer from me for awhile), let this be of cheer and a reminder of KAR's raison d'être:Don't forget you can also follow Foot and me at Twitter while we're in recess. [...]
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    Posted: March 10, 2009, 10:55am EDT

  • Iron Maiden, Supertramp, David Bowie, Yes and Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About the Future of Blogging

    Times change very quickly and you have to grow up early. Ch-ch-ch-changes changing places, so I must be moving on. My heart is heavy as I turn my back and leave.-- Iron Maiden, David Bowie, Yes, Supertramp and Iron MaidenAs you may have noticed, my output has been a bit [...]
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    Posted: March 09, 2009, 11:49am EDT

  • Negotiations Are Underway

    There possibly may be a Major Announcement on Monday. [...]
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    Posted: March 06, 2009, 12:25pm EST

  • Friday Fail

    I guess I'll have to give up Christianity for Lent this year...And, since it's now okay to wear hijabs for MN Drivers License photos, I shall wear this for my renewal photo next year:' [...]
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    Posted: March 06, 2009, 11:31am EST

  • MilF(man) Returns

    All past, present and future MiLFers, PostMilFers, groupies, wannabes and hangers on: Didn't get the memo? Shoot me an email at koolaidreport (at) yahoo (dot) com, and I'll hook ya' up.' [...]
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    Posted: March 03, 2009, 12:57pm EST

  • I'm Feeling Good About My IRA. You?

    As if Monday's don't suck enough, there's this bit of cheer:In midafternoon trading, the Dow fell 214.89, or 3 percent, to 6,848.04. The Dow last closed below the 7,000 level on May 1, 1997. Broader stock indicators also slid. The Standard & Poor's 500 index fell 25.15, or 3.4 percent,' [...]
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    Posted: March 02, 2009, 3:05pm EST

  • We Report. You Rewipe.

    Long for the days when your ass touched soft cotton diaper material? Well, throw those rolls of TP away — I mean, RECYCLE those rolls and make the switch to Soft Cloth Toilet Wipes!Using cloth toilet wipes actually has many advantages. For one, it's a lot more comfortable and soft [...]
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    Posted: February 27, 2009, 11:12am EST

  • It Begins

    [...]
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    Posted: February 26, 2009, 12:25pm EST

  • Bobo The Foul-Mouthed Chimp Looking For New Home

    Congress acted on new chimp ownership rules as fast as Bobo can fling poo on a zoo visitor:Rep. Kirk said, "It is inhumane to cage primates in private homes. Besides the animal cruelty concerns, the interstate movement of pet primates creates serious public health and safety risks. The Captive Primate" [...]
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    Posted: February 25, 2009, 3:18pm EST

  • I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

    This is easily the dumbest thing I've read this month:For at least a decade Republicans have been shrieking and ranting about activist judges. Judges who will ignore law and precedent. Who will interpret our laws and our Constitution instead of upholding them. We all know the truth is that they' [...]
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    Posted: February 24, 2009, 12:12pm EST

  • The Devil's in the Detailing

    Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. Its number is six hundred and sixty six.The following is true.This morning, I was alone in my car. My mind was blank. Just driving to work so I could make some bank. A [...]
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    Posted: February 23, 2009, 11:52am EST

  • A Monkey Can't Get a Word in Edgewise.

    So maybe you've heard about the outrage coming from the outrage-based community over an editorial cartoon which made use of a well-known cliche that happens to feature a monkey. We have a black president now, after all, so the Keepers of the Language are mandating that all stylebooks must be' [...]
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    Posted: February 20, 2009, 12:38pm EST

  • So, Foot...Where Have You Been?

    I needed a break. Thanks for asking.A break from what?I needed a break from the stupid. Let me back up and explain.Blogging - when it's at it's best - is primarily about engagement; engagement with ones readers either intellectually or temporally through comment threads; engagement with co-bloggers; engagement with other [...]
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    Posted: February 19, 2009, 11:59am EST

  • Open Thread - with Frank Zappa lyrics

    Foot has been on hiatus, so I'll take this opportunity for a thread to add your deep thoughts in the comments section. The only requirement is that it contain lyrics from a Frank Zappa song.A sample of the late, great Zappa's prose:Y'know, my python boot is too tightI couldn't get' [...]
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    Posted: February 18, 2009, 8:02am EST

  • American I-dull

    Two gals from Minnesota have advanced to the next round of American Idol. Jesse Langseth, sister of Jonny Lang and talented, passed (the show will air in the next two weeks). Casey Carlson sucked the big FAIL last night trying to sing a vintage Police tune. My eye is still [...]
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    Posted: February 18, 2009, 7:52am EST

  • Moron Progressives Seek 1900% Increase in Beer Taxes

    Ever heard of progressive taxes? This proposal out of Oregon gives it a whole new meaning: PORTLAND, Ore. -- Five Oregon state lawmakers want to impose a hefty tax on beer and have introduced a bill that brewers say would cripple them. Four Portland legislators joined a Springfield senator to [...]
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    Posted: February 16, 2009, 11:23am EST

  • KAR-Approved Books For Kidz

    As we take a brief break this weekend from ThunderJounaling (Check the right sidebar for Foot's ThunderTwittery), enjoy some books recently added in the children's section of the KAR library:And this group of titles we're in the process of acquiring:1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who' [...]
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    Posted: February 14, 2009, 7:19am EST
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