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Balance Sheet

  • Back to the Hospital

    Number of comments: 10
    One of my military doctors just called and told me I need to go back to the hospital.  But not until tomorrow morning. Emergency room. Fungal infection.  Treatment varies. Yay. [...]
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    Posted: October 13, 2008, 6:29pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Penis Pump

    Number of comments: 10
    Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien [...]
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    Posted: September 21, 2008, 5:40pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Blogger for Obama

    Pasty white kid ‘blogging’ for Obama. Totally missed the part immediately following about a ‘broadcaster’ for McCain.  I’m calling shenanigans anyway. [...]
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    Posted: September 21, 2008, 8:39am EDT
    by cranky

  • Best Poem in The World!

    I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven’s door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven Who made me sputter and gasp– The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lunch money [...]
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    Posted: September 21, 2008, 8:21am EDT
    by cranky

  • Fed Bailout of Fannie and Freddie

    Number of comments: 9
    Senator Christopher Dodd, (Democrat - Connecticut) weighs in with what he thinks should be done.  Of course, Congress is in recess so that will not matter much. Wait a minute!  Did not Senator Dodd, Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, receive ‘friends of Angelo’ interest rates? [...]
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    Posted: September 19, 2008, 3:49pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Walking Eagle

    Number of comments: 4
    ‘Walking Eagle’ Senator BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. He spoke for almost an hour on HIS future plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living, should HE one day become the President. HE [...]
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    Posted: September 16, 2008, 8:48am EDT
    by cranky

  • Shut Up Kornheiser

    Jebbus, but that asshole can run his mouth.  Eagles up 30 - 24 at the half. [...]
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    Posted: September 15, 2008, 10:18pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Warrior

    Michael at Innocent Bystanders had this and was headlined at Ace’s. The tip originated with Spudder. [...]
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    Posted: September 14, 2008, 8:09am EDT
    by cranky

  • September 11, 2008

    Number of comments: 10
    [...]
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    Posted: September 11, 2008, 7:43am EDT
    by cranky

  • Wal-Mart

    Number of comments: 2
    A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them [...]
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    Posted: September 07, 2008, 12:03pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Sarah

    Number of comments: 10
    The newest addition to the Cranky family I named Sarah.  Go figure out why on your time. I saw her Wednesday morning in a neighbor’s front yard, lying in the grass and observing the passing traffic.  Because I needed to get to work and on the road to Troy, I did [...]
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    Posted: September 06, 2008, 11:03am EDT
    by cranky

  • Deadbeat Joe Biden

    Number of comments: 2
    Via my former economics professor: From an accountant who has done work for Biden. Family, I feel an obligation to honesty and truth to share with you some facts. My Father and Mother instilled in me the values and morals of treating people fairly and always being honest. If you purchase something, [...]
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    Posted: September 04, 2008, 1:32pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Whorehouse

    Number of comments: 4
    John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.  As the barbers finished their shaves, the [...]
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    Posted: September 04, 2008, 7:15am EDT
    by cranky

  • Palin Bikini Picture

    What?  No, not Governor Palin and not even a bikini.  Just some lingerie on a pretty lady. [...]
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    Posted: September 01, 2008, 9:24am EDT
    by cranky

  • I Kissed an Earl

    Number of comments: 1
    Hair of the Blog (http://smellmyfinger.wordpress.com) provides the following hilarious YouTube parody video. Smell My Finger — hahahahaha!!!!1!!! [...]
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    Posted: August 31, 2008, 12:17pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Names of Joe Biden’s Bands

    Number of comments: 7
    Inspired by reading bmac’s post where he mentioned The Plugz. My entry: What He Said [...]
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    Posted: August 31, 2008, 8:33am EDT
    by cranky

  • Deep Purple — Smoke on the Water

    I just love this song and this particular presentation.  It rocks, in a classical way. I know.  I know.  I’ve probably posted this video at least four or five time.  Not sorry. [...]
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    Posted: August 30, 2008, 7:38pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Meditation

    [...]
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    Posted: August 30, 2008, 7:20pm EDT
    by cranky

  • I Kissed A Girl — Turn it Off!!!1!!

    Number of comments: 6
    For the past few weeks we’ve been working in a town south of Montgomery.  One of the radio stations from Dothan plays the Katy Perry song I Kissed A Girl over and over.  STG I heard the thing five times in an hour.  SHUT UP! A while back The Hostages had [...]
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    Posted: August 30, 2008, 10:55am EDT
    by cranky

  • Obama FAIL!1!!

    Fatuous suck-upping. Thanks to S. Weasel for the find. [...]
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    Posted: August 29, 2008, 8:31pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Obama’s Lies

    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’ St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the [...]
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    Posted: August 29, 2008, 6:56pm EDT
    by cranky

  • The Knob

    Number of comments: 2
    Thanks to JR. A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called ‘The Knob,’ where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.  Of [...]
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    Posted: August 26, 2008, 7:21am EDT
    by cranky

  • Steamboat McGoo Sighting

    Number of comments: 4
    Steam powered internet connection not working out real well for Mr. McGoo. What a magnificent belly button on this lovely lady. [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2008, 5:23pm EDT
    by cranky

  • CH-53 Helicopter in Afghanistan

    Number of comments: 9
    A CH-53 flew over my house about an hour ago headed to the southeast. Bunch of Blackhawks flying to the southeast as well. Helicopter crews are a different breed. I’ve been on a flight where they unsuccessfully attempted to make me get air sick. Thought I was going to fall [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2008, 12:37pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Here He Comes to Save The Day

    Number of comments: 10
    Obama as portrayed by Ace of Spades commenter franksalterego: Be still my heart. [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2008, 11:45am EDT
    by cranky

  • Perspective

    Received this from my former economics professor: One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2008, 10:40am EDT
    by cranky

  • Media Masters of Grammar

    The guy might have been trying to make a point but I really think he was just happy as fuck that the United States did not lead in Gold Medals at the recently concluded Communist Olympics in Peking, Red China. The United States did lead the total medal count. Whatever. You know, [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2008, 9:02am EDT
    by cranky

  • Obama-bin-Biden ‘08

    Number of comments: 7
    From commenter vanderleun at Ace’s. Hilarious. 10 You could abbreviate the ticket as “Obama-bin-Biden, 08” Great bumper sticker. Posted by: vanderleun at August 19, 2008 11:29 AM (s0k8A) The racist empty suit marries the plagiarizing used car salesman. Arrogance² McCain ad. Money quote by Joe “Plugs“* Biden on Obama: “The Presidency is not something that [...]
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    Posted: August 23, 2008, 8:11am EDT
    by cranky

  • Dickhead

    Number of comments: 10
    I’ve always wondered what the wild dickhead looked like.  This specimen was photographed at the YMCA pool in My Wife Not My Sister, Arkansas. Thanks to Lesa. [...]
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    Posted: August 20, 2008, 7:19am EDT
    by cranky

  • Two Men And A Hoe

    Number of comments: 10
    A genuine no-shit moment.  I was in Troy, Alabama this morning.  A co-worker flipped open the Yellow Pages and found an advertisement for this business. [...]
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    Posted: August 18, 2008, 2:26pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Mi Sook Yoo

    Number of comments: 10
    Drive through Ace’s place and see that some not so young women at the Tokyo Sauna in Colorado had been arrested for pimping and whoring and one of their john’s had been arrested for poking. Q: What’s your name? A: Mi Sook Yoo. Q: All in good time miss. But first, what’s your [...]
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    Posted: August 16, 2008, 5:15pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Are Jessica Simpson’s Bigger?

    Number of comments: 10
    For some reason there are a lot of hits coming this way related to an old Jessica Simpson post. I’m pretty sure that Sohos will say that her’s are bigger (only the Count theoretically knows for sure but I’ll take her word for it until she finally comes through and offers [...]
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    Posted: August 14, 2008, 7:29pm EDT
    by cranky

  • RIP SGT Ferschke, 3rd Recon

    DoD Identifies Marine Casualty (Salah ad Din) The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Sgt. Michael H. Ferschke Jr., 22, of Maryville, Tenn., died Aug. 10 while supporting combat operations in Salah ad Din province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Reconnaissance [...]
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    Posted: August 14, 2008, 6:58pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Sohos Nude Photograph?

    Number of comments: 10
    While vacationing from my regular assignment of staking out hotels John Edwards might visit I happened to pass through Texas, look through some mini-blinds and capture this goddess.  Rumor has it this lovely lady is the lovely “Mine Are Bigger” sohos. Only her intended knows for sure. [...]
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    Posted: August 13, 2008, 3:12pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Clean Up

    Number of comments: 8
    I promise to be a bad boy if you change into the black fishnets, garters, and a leather bustier. Doing the work McGoo won’t do. [...]
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    Posted: August 12, 2008, 1:44pm EDT
    by cranky

  • The Rooster

    Posted the video down below. One line really grabbed me: They spit on me in my home land. Christmas time of 1973 some woman in the Dallas Fort Worth airport gave me a look of such hate I still vividly remember it. My crime? Wearing my uniform and waiting for [...]
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    Posted: August 11, 2008, 1:32am EDT
    by cranky

  • Out of My Way — 3rd Battalion, 1st Marines Fallujah 2004

    Out of my way Out of my, way [Pre-Chorus] I can’t pass up this opportunity to make myself absurd, I can’t pass up this opportunity to let myself be heard. Would you, like to, be the one who sees me lose this all, Would you, like to, be the one who sees me fall. [Chorus] Nobody’s gonna stand [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 10:18pm EDT
    by cranky

  • 2nd Battalion, 503rd Parachute Infantry Regiment — Afghanistan

    Bad ass motherfuckers. Our motherfuckers. Great music too. Fuck the Taliban. [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 10:05pm EDT
    by cranky

  • LiveLeak.com - 2 - 503rd PIR - OEF 8 Afghanistan

    Bad ass motherfuckers. Our motherfuckers. Great music too. Fuck the Taliban. more about “LiveLeak.com - 2 - 503rd PIR - OEF 8 …“, posted with vodpod [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 9:57pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Obama Fan

    Sohos, a.ka. Mine are Bigger, has an Obama Fan. [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 7:36pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Eye Candy

    Number of comments: 1
    Found this looking for images of my one true love whose name I can’t remember but she was in Victoria’s Secretions catalogs and calendars back in the 1980s. Blonde, high cheekbones, looks a bit like Abby Brammel of The Unit. I knew I should have held onto those catalogs. Not [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 10:46am EDT
    by cranky

  • Buy a Belt, Buy a Belt

    Number of comments: 3
    Buy a motherfucking belt. Last Friday morning I was stopped at a traffic light and watching a young kid struggle across six lanes of traffic trying to hold up the bag of stuff he just bought at the grocery store … and his pants.  He made it across the road, but [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 10:19am EDT
    by cranky

  • ShutUP!

    So I click on the Google News button on my toolbar and come up with two gems. First, Rielle Hunter will not agree to a paternity test to determine who, and who not, is the father of her daughter. Not good for John Edwards who is a prissy lying sack of [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2008, 8:51am EDT
    by cranky

  • Ain’t Found A Way To Kill Me Yet

    Number of comments: 10
    [...]
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    Posted: August 02, 2008, 11:44pm EDT
    by cranky

  • Hindsight

    Number of comments: 4
    Two Middle East  mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint  of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag  out of her purse and starts flipping  through photos. And they start reminiscing. ‘This is my oldest son Mohammed. He  would be 24 years [...]
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    Posted: August 02, 2008, 8:53am EDT
    by cranky

  • A Day at Tiffany’s

    Number of comments: 6
    A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales [...]
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    Posted: July 30, 2008, 6:32am EDT
    by cranky

  • The Faucet

    Number of comments: 6
    Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished with [...]
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    Posted: July 30, 2008, 1:32am EDT
    by cranky

  • Nair

    My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to [...]
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    Posted: July 30, 2008, 1:32am EDT
    by cranky

  • Bikini Bellybutton

    Number of comments: 10
    Cute bellybutton. I’m just doing the job McGoo won’t do. [...]
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    Posted: July 29, 2008, 11:06am EDT
    by cranky

  • Obama Says Read a Book

    Number of comments: 6
    Not Safe for Work. Offensive language. You’ve been warned. Funny as fuck. [...]
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    Posted: July 29, 2008, 10:27am EDT
    by cranky
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