Number of comments: 12 One of the hardest parts of kids getting older is that you just can't get away with what you used to - the mid-day hanky panky that can be explained away as "wrestling," or the entertaining toys that you have...' [...]
Number of comments: 29 The last few weeks with Drew have tried my patience. This week alone he put black crayon all over our wainscoting (yes, Julie, that wainscoting). Then there was my Almay cream blush all over his bedroom carpet. (Perhaps he was... [...]
Number of comments: 13 Late Sunday afternoon I couldn't get my Internet connection to work. I initially figured it was due to the crappy weather, which always tend to send our wussy cable for a loop. "Oh god. It's drizzling. I can't function under..." [...]
Number of comments: 11 My editor emailed to let me know that my book might actually be in my hands before Christmas. Which means that it might actually be in your hands (and the hands of all your friends and neighbors) before Christmas. WOO!... [...]
Number of comments: 20 A few days ago, I could have sworn I heard Margot say "Uh oh. At first, I thought maybe I was having one of those over zealous mommy moments, you know, when the proud mother looks at her toddler's page..." [...]
Number of comments: 40 I admit that I'm not much of an Oprah watcher. In fact, her air time here (4pm EST) might possibly be the worst time of our day ever. It's like baby, toddler, kid, heck even mommy witching hour. And honestly,...' [...]
Number of comments: 16 My husband was pretty worried that he'd miss Margot's first steps. Unlike Drew who started walking (or really, running like a newborn calf who just discovered he has legs but doesn't give a shit and is going to run anyway)... [...]
Number of comments: 23 When my husband called me late Saturday afternoon to tell me he was leaving in a few hours, I did what every wife who's been without her husband would do. I called a maid and I got an appointment to... [...]
Number of comments: 21 [As far as I know, I'm still scheduled to be on CNN today at 10:30am EST.] My son eats all day long. At first, I thought it was just because he was bored. As good as Quinlan is at occupying...' [...]
Number of comments: 27 Due to the shootings at Fort Hood, my CNN segment has been bumped to Monday, 10:30am EST. In the meantime, The Whipping Boy has redesigned by blog (seriously, click through you lazy feed readers - it's awesome, and make sure... [...]
Number of comments: 73 On Monday, I took my kids to get the H1N1 shot. I'd been on the fence about it since I knew they were coming out with it. Like many people, I was unsure of its efficacy and I was concerned...' [...]
Number of comments: 26 Quinlan insisted on being "Barbie Thumbelina" since August. I suppose I should be glad that her streak of Disney Princess costumes has officially been broken. Except she broke it with Barbie. I'm not quite sure how she landed upon Barbie...' [...]
Number of comments: 8 There is a distinct possibility that my husband will be state side on November 15. But I do not discuss these things lest his deployment is extended. And because the next 15 days could seem longer than the whole month... [...]
Number of comments: 29 I thought that the toilet was the one place where I could rest assured that for five entire minutes while #2 is being shown who's boss there would be no tomfoolery of the near three-year-old variety. Parenting Dictionary Noun: The... [...]
Number of comments: 15 It's pretty clear that my husband is a card carrying member of the Weird Parents Club. Actually, I think he's more like a VIP. I'm a member too, however, with my own mother getting quirkier the older she gets. I...' [...]
Number of comments: 22 "She's crying because she misses her daddy," he said, as I strapped Margot into her carseat while she screamed and thrashed like I was trying to hog tie her. "You're probably right, Drew," I replied. "Sometimes I cry when I...'" [...]
Number of comments: 19 My husband caught me on IM a few nights ago, which would generally be super awesome except the man can't type for shit. God knows how he made it through four years of college typing with two fingers. Granted, he's... [...]
Number of comments: 0 My husband is worried that I'm not going to clean while he's away. "You are going to keep up with everything while I'm gone, right?" he asked me, sort of frantically. I'm used to it by now, the ridiculous, obvious...' [...]
Number of comments: 39 My husband leaves for his deployment on 9/11. Oh sweet irony. I've been feeling a bit sorry for my own self that I completely forgot to discuss it with my daughter. It's not that I've been purposely avoiding it says... [...]
Number of comments: 92 *Added video of my appearance below! As if I needed yet another reason not to set foot in Walmart ever again, I got an email from CNN (thanks to Punditmom) asking me to come on CNN NewsroomAM tomorrow morning at... [...]
Number of comments: 60 Recently, the Ohio Supreme Court upheld a ruling that the firing of a woman from her job at Totes/Isotoner for taking unapproved breaks to pump for her 5-month-old baby was not discrimination. Technically speaking, she was in the wrong. And... [...]
Number of comments: 39 My memory of Quinlan's infancy is saturated by how challenging she was. In fact, on most days, I can't even really remember anything else. It's partly because Margot, other than her revolt against my sleep training efforts as of late,...' [...]
Number of comments: 2 I used to imagine what I'd do if I ever got famous. I could see myself with an Oscar in one hand and a huge donation check to a worthy charity in the other, probably because my twisted uber religious...' [...]
Number of comments: 29 I'm not sure there's anything more difficult than a kid who's obsessed with winning. I try to tell myself that "she's 5 and she's doing her job." Oh fuck that. Who came up with that shit anyway? I don't care... [...]
Number of comments: 29 I'm reminded why people fly after attempting another road trip to the beach with my family. It's only 5 hours! It'll be fun! We'll play car games and the kids will sleep and we won't even need the dvd player....' [...]
Number of comments: 5 I still remember the first time a mom blogger I knew received a free sample of something. It was a KY Personal lubricant and I was bummed that I didn't get any. In the course of just over three years,...' [...]
Number of comments: 28 The last time I visited the doctor I was suffering from the same viral alien invasion. I was also 182 lbs. I remember feeling completely defeated, in sort of a knowing shock - "What? I can't believe I've only lost..." [...]
Number of comments: 49 No matter how hard I try not to curse in front of the kids, inevitably a naughty word pops out at least once or twice a week. Granted I'm not calling anyone in the carpool lane a motherfucker. Yet. I...' [...]
Number of comments: 75 I'm learning that I tossed out any hope of co-parenting when I married a pilot. I know, I know, I chose it, even though when I met him, he was flying a few times a day and working a desk...' [...]
Number of comments: 37 I never received the fancypants Saks-worthy hemorrhoids treatment I mentioned awhile back, but a few days ago, I was asked if I'd like to check out Anuleaf. Apparently my asshole is sending SOS signals across the interwebs and those savvy...' [...]
Number of comments: 12 I have to admit that the lingerie with pockets was a huge step up from past "romantic" gifts I've received from my husband - including a large candle in a jar, really awful perfume (especially bad for someone allergic to...' [...]
Number of comments: 24 I opened my daughter's lunchbox after school yesterday to find almost all the contents, save the Babybel cheese and the tiny container of jelly beans completely untouched. What followed was a completely horrible display of parental frustration that I hope... [...]
Number of comments: 59 I'm not just a late adopter when it comes to tech. Sure, I've got the Gen-1 iPhone and I used Facebook way back before everyone, their babysitter, and their weird sexy email stalkers were on it. But other than that,... [...]
Number of comments: 35 Does your near 10 month old: Pull up to standing in the tub which has no rubber mat but rather an extremely slippery and dangerous surface no matter how many times you continue to sit her back down? Finally relegated... [...]
Number of comments: 39 After much discussion, we have since resolved the Facebook friending frenzy of 2009. It's quite clear that my husband is just a little bit clueless when it comes to social media, particularly when drunk. I suppose I should be thankful... [...]
Number of comments: 90 I reluctantly rejoined Facebook last month after enjoying being completely unconnected to ex-boyfriends, college roommates, and my babysitter. But since everyone and their ex-boyfriends, college roommates, and babysitters are on Facebook, I had to get myself back into the loop.... [...]
Number of comments: 33 I washed my hands of my manuscript back in February, all 70,000 words of it, struggling to think of anything new and original to say about sex. Just do it. Except even that's not original. I wrote the book while... [...]
Number of comments: 39 "But can't you make it back for a few minutes before you head off again?" I begged. "It feels like ages since I've seen you. Is your hair still covering your eyes like a bad set of curtains?" I added,... [...]
Number of comments: 102 Aside from reuniting with old friends, meeting new ones, and missing some that couldn't make it, this conference has been about explaining my new motto: "Not all bloggers are like that." We're not all about the free shit and the... [...]
Number of comments: 18 During all these FTC rumblings, PR Blackouts, and ridiculous bullshit that really makes the blogosphere look more like a soap opera that a community, I've kept my mouth shut. Well, mostly. But I can only be inundated with articles on...' [...]
Number of comments: 17 I've done the desperate diaper scavenge on more than one occasion. And I've wiped butts with the last half square on the toilet paper roll that most people would otherwise toss because I had completely run out. You'd think as...' [...]
Number of comments: 23 I hit a parenting wall at around the 8th day of 10 or more days of being mostly alone. Even with a babysitter coming a few times a week, and a couple of napping kids, I still find myself longing... [...]
Number of comments: 32 A couple of years ago just prior to BlogHer 2007, I wrote about my loathe for Crocs. In fact, I even offered to wear a pair to the conference if more people than not loved them. Lucky for me, many... [...]
Number of comments: 46 While I'm fortunate to be surrounded by extremely thoughtful blog readers, friends, and neighbors, it never ceases to amaze me at how many rude people continue to populate this earth. And I don't even mean the car smushing assholes. I... [...]
Number of comments: 39 Call it nostalgia, a cocktail of sleep deprivation and hormones, or a mini mid-life crisis, but I find myself having more and more flashbacks to "how things used to be." Don't get me wrong. My marriage is in one of...' [...]
Number of comments: 24 I get a lot of PR pitches in my email box, and most of them amount to someone telling me about an extremely exciting new survey conducted by Oscar Meyer and would I like to share this fascinating information about... [...]
Number of comments: 26 God I wanted a sister. And for nine months, I had one. Then she was gone. She was here with me for the same amount of time that she spent in my own mother's womb. She was the same age... [...]
Number of comments: 41 I wish I could blame my headache on a massive hangover. But I only drank a 1/4 of a beer last night before turning in, my head searing from disappointment for my daughter. Disappointment that she really has yet to... [...]
Number of comments: 41 I want to write a sweet post about my daughter on her 5th birthday. But lately, the sweetness is hard to find. She pushes the limit of my patience with her opinions on everything, her sensitive spirit almost becoming a... [...]
Number of comments: 29 After way too many months of getting 2.5 hours of sleep in a row at most, I decided, at the reassurance and recommendation of Isabel at Bedtiming, to night wean Margot. I realize that technically babies who are six months... [...]
Number of comments: 43 Trying to explain my husband's work schedule is pretty complicated. Neighbors see him taking the kids to the pool and heading off to play golf and think we live the cushy life. And yes, being on call all month long... [...]
Number of comments: 46 This past week, my kids ingested frozen custard, boardwalk pizza, and about five hot dogs, or "lips and butts" as my husband likes to call them. And as far as I can tell, they're perfectly fine. Granted, those goodies aren't... [...]
Number of comments: 28 This week was like a tragedy of errors. And I'm not even talking about Margot waking up every two hours or my dog dying while I was gone or the mean bike rental shop asshats. I'm talking about my in-laws.... [...]
Number of comments: 48 There's nothing like an innocent early morning jaunt on the boardwalk to teach my kids about the cruel harsh world. Okay, so it was really a couple of idiots working at a bike rental shop with less teeth than Margot... [...]
Number of comments: 18 It seems incredibly unfair that the long unawaited first return of my post partum period always happens to come when we're at the shore. She's three for three on a beach arrival, ensuring that I'm bloated, tired, and stuffed to... [...]
Number of comments: 48 Four weeks until BlogHer, and there are Pre-BlogHer posts popping up already. And for good reason. Every year, there are a ton of pre-Blogher freakout posts and then a gaggle of seasoned bloggers who offer to help new BlogHer conference... [...]
Number of comments: 17 I'm really not one to buy into these pseudo-holidays that try make people feel that a bouquet of flowers and a trip to the spa are an adequate way to thank mothers for everything that they do or make us...' [...]
Number of comments: 92 Whoever said the Mommy Wars were dead and buried must have missed the memo, because damn if there's yet another way for moms marginalize each other. It's a WAHM versus WOHM smackdown. Apparently working from home is waaaaaaay easier than... [...]
Number of comments: 25 I've been trying for weeks to get Margot out of our bed. I had the whole "well, I'll probably never have a baby sleeping next to me ever again *sniff*" nostalgia for about a New York minute, and then I... [...]
Number of comments: 23 I sort of wish I had completely forgotten that the premiere of MTV's new show 16 and Pregnant was on this past Thursday. Seriously, what is with MTV and 16 year olds? Oh. Because that's who's watching that shit. Right.... [...]
Number of comments: 21 I don't wake up in the morning and think about what kind of mother I'm going to be. On most days, like most mothers, I turn on auto pilot and just go about the business of raising my children the... [...]
Number of comments: 34 It seems that around six months of age or so, the world becomes an oyster and my babies want to see it all. With my nipple in their mouth. It's one thing to breathe in what once was a bunch... [...]
Number of comments: 29 I still remember the first time my mom dragged me to an Al-anon meeting. It was after a long night of my dad's drunken rages - torn mail, screaming matches, and the police being called. I'd hold the little book...' [...]
Number of comments: 8 I was in NYC this week for a conference and a cool work gig with the inimitable Mom-101. And the good New Yorker that she is, she showed me an amazing time - which included but was not limited to... [...]
Number of comments: 21 Coordinating a business trip with three kids under four and a husband who is on call for most of the month is like juggling fiery batons. It sounds crazy, but once you get going, you realize that it's not that... [...]
Number of comments: 30 We're extremely fortunate to have a pool in our neighborhood, except that it involves me wearing a bathing suit more often than I'd like, attempting to adequately apply sunscreen to three wiry little children, and having to deal with families... [...]
Number of comments: 51 I publicly vowed that I would not write about Jon and Kate Plus 8, but fuck it. I'm a heathen and twitter vows mean absolutely nothing to me. Now I could sit and analyze Jon and Kate's relationship and their...' [...]
Number of comments: 21 Considering the last time I read an entire book from cover to cover was on the plane to the BlogHer Conference 2006, I've learned to put any and all reading material that needs to be read in the bathroom. Perhaps...' [...]
The exciting part about checking my 23andMe profile is that things are always changing. One week I'll go in and find new research on breast cancer and Endometriosis. And on other weeks, like this one, I'll find a whole slew... [...]
Number of comments: 17 It's not surprising that during my current lackluster sleep training efforts of one cold-ridden and super teething little baby, my REM and therefore dreams have been incredibly inconsistent. Look at that blatant insolence. Unbelievable. Add in a bunch of other... [...]
Number of comments: 21 On the way to school today, I was cruising along, listening to the kids sing and cough through "Brush Your Teeth" for the 4th time when I had to hit the breaks and swerve around a huge dead wild pig... [...]
Number of comments: 24 Quinlan and Drew vacillate between love and hate on a conveniently unpredictable schedule. They'll play like bffs right when dinner is ready or when the timer has gone off for bedtime, but when I'm about to hop on a conference... [...]
Number of comments: 0 The biggest issue most people seem to have about the 23andMe genotyping is the fact that you're learning about diseases that you might have a propensity for. That's not the sort of news most people want to hear. Try "You're..." [...]
Number of comments: 24 There's just something ridiculously romantic about an open bar, early 90's rap music, and wedding cake. Or maybe it's just that we were alone together without the kids somewhere other than our living room. But love was in the air... [...]
Number of comments: 24 The kids made it through four days of car napping, later night partying, and walking down the aisle like a couple of champs only to completely lose it on the plane ride home. I knew it was bound to happen... [...]
Number of comments: 19 Amidst the cacophony of 90's rap music, dinging glasses, and MIL-zillas, my son pooped on the potty. May your day be filled with as much joy as that one little poop gave me. Happy Mother's Day! [...]
Number of comments: 0 I've not written much about my own mother here, mostly because anything she does is completely overshadowed by my in-laws. But recently, she's been having a series of heart problems, all related to being born with a hole in her...' [...]
I'm currently preparing for an exciting weekend full of rhinestone "BRIDE" shirts, black embroidered "GROOM" Hats, and a whole hell of a lot of crazy, so I thought I'd include you all into the mix [insanity; mayhem] and hold my... [...]
Number of comments: 33 Guess who the huz flew in for a fantastic girls only, sans kids dinner and drinks 33rd birthday celebration and surprised the living shit out of me? Guess which one isn't mine. It's hard to tell, huh?' [...]
Number of comments: 29 Feeling woozy from my 3:45am wake up with no nap and a glass of Riesling sloshing around in my belly, I was enjoying a peaceful meal thanks to a zonked out naught toddler and decided that we should tackle gender... [...]
Number of comments: 11 Edited to add: You can click on the CBS Atlanta website, then click "Better Mornings" and you'll see "Cool Mother's Day Gifts" (except, please note, these are NOT mother's day gifts. Hear that dads?). Of course, you must live in...' [...]
Number of comments: 0 It never even occurred to me to get tested to see my disease carrier status when I was pregnant with my first. I suppose I was still in complete shock at being pregnant, so I was focused on figuring out... [...]
Number of comments: 25 A few months ago we learned that the new Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Hiegl, and Tom Selleck movie "Five Killers" would be shooting in our neighborhood. Our subdivision is actually split into two parts, with the majority of the shooting being... [...]
Number of comments: 52 Margot has been sleeping with me the longest out of all the kids. After waking up 3000 times with Quinlan, I finally realized that it was way easier for me to roll over, pop a boob in their mouth, and... [...]
Number of comments: 20 I just finished my second long weekend in a row with the kids, which usually leaves me physically and emotionally depleted. I realize a weekend, even a long one, isn't that much time in the scheme of things, but when...' [...]
Number of comments: 0 I was most nervous about opening the health and traits section of my 23andMe profile, mostly because I wasn’t really sure what to expect. But my curiosity got the better of me and I logged in and clicked through to... [...]
Number of comments: 45 For the last week or so, Margot has turned into a cranky, whiny, restless baby requiring the frequent attention of my boobs. It's not anything atypical for a growing, teething, "who the hell knows what is wrong but make it..." [...]
Number of comments: 29 With mother's day only a few weeks away, the PR pitches have turned my email inbox into a veritable smorgasbord of bizarre gift ideas. I pray that no poor unsuspecting husband happens to fall upon my email box because all... [...]
Number of comments: 20 Punishing Quinlan used to be a no brainer. I'd point to the corner, flip the egg timer, and that was that. Then came the high knee stomping, 5-alarm screams, and door slamming. But lately, she goes into these soap opera...' [...]
Number of comments: 19 She may not want to hear about your vagina, but she'll do a bang up job (heh) of teaching your young daughters about theirs.' [...]
Number of comments: 71 When it comes to greeting cards, my in-laws don't mess around. I learned this the hard way when I mistakenly sent my mother-in-law flowers for Mother's Day and she called not to thank us for them, but to ask where...' [...]
