Part the First:
Whilst entertaining friends the other day, I walked past my bedroom and caught a whiff of something downright unholy emanating from...where? I excused myself to hunt around in corners and closets until, under the bed, I found a pile of, um, something. Something bad. It may have been [...]
Too bad. But if you want to see my new blog, please to click:
Which is where I shall be posting from this point on. Leery Polyp will remain (as a Memorial Wing, I guess), but all the new stuff is going to the Modernity Ward.
So check in, [...]
Nah, I already have a name for the new blog. The plan is to get it up and running this weekend, since I don't have any homework to do or seeds to start or haybale of laundry to wash or children to watch or husbands to satisfy or cat feces [...]
As soon as I found out my sister was pregnant, I made the plan. "In March," I told her, "I am renting a minivan, packing it to the rearview with all our baby junk, and disgorging it into your apartment."
"Okay," she said, perhaps not realizing that for once, my [...]
...I had free time, and big dreams, and, you know, a blog. We're just in one of those crazy busy patches, and I can't even tell you all my Awesome Stories (tm) because they involve The Thing Which Cannot Be Announced.
I'm sort of hoping to get knocked up, just so [...]
Man, I was so all done reading about the horrible things people do, and the horrible thing we've done collectively to the climate (do not google James Lovelock's latest prediction unless you have a bottle of really good wine and a krazy straw), so I went to Target to get [...]
Dear Hollywood:
Every time I find in a movie a dog-flying-off-a-bridge-or-a-cliff-or-out-a-window gag, I immediately lose all respect for anyone involved with the writing, production, and acting of said gag. Even you, Jack Black. And even when, as invariably happens, the dog appears unharmed at the end.
Thx.
J. LP
* * * [...]
All I can think about is how fast I can hie my ass down to Target and buy up the new Jovovich-Hawk line. I haven't worn a vest since seventh grade, about which less said the better, but I am kind of interested in how it would all look [...]
Two days into the Torrent of Gory, the pain completely and totally resolved. And this one was over by day 5. Based on that and on testimony by my sister, who experiences much the same thing on a monthly basis (or did, anyway, 'til she got KNOCKED UP HA HA [...]
First, I got me a big tattoo. I am in love with it. I've never been so glad to have big upper arms in my life.
Second, can you diagnose my pelvic sadness, Drs. Internet? Here's the deal: [...]
There is no shortage of literature (and I use the term loosely, to encompass wackaloon websites and badly photocopied CDC info sheets from the pediatrician's office) on vaccination these days. Most of it fits the description given by Stephen Merritt to the Book of Love: "Some of it is just [...]
I will 'fess up right here and disclose that I am a Mama for Obama. Let us be clear on that point. And yet while I rejoice in his victories, I can't wallow in schadenfreude at Hillary's losses*, money woes, campaign staff shakeup. Hillary is an incredible woman and matched [...]
Holy crap, part I:
Phthalates in baby shampoo, lotion. Yuck-o-rama. There's a special place in hell for the Johnson & Johnson execs who keep this happening. (It's in an office park in Central Jersey.)
The good news: these products are very easily avoided (see p. 2 of article). Also, phthalate-free products [...]
1. Make dentist appointment, since am not currently breastfeeding and am therefore able to safely have six thermometers' worth of mercury removed from headbone
2. Figure out how to pay the tuition bill I've been ignoring
3. And also to have cash for tattoo, oh so desperately needed
4. Throw away knitting catalogs. [...]
Me: on toilet, suffering effects of frozen cookie dough combined with metformin dose. (And I'd do it again.)
Sophia: wandering about the apartment.
Sophia: Joey!
Me: Yes?
Sophia: (gleeful) Joey! I found your magical medicine!
Me: (imagines forgotten bottle of medication or Simple Green)
Me: (panics)
Me: (wipes hastily, hops with [...]
Not that you were sitting around nervously fraying your dinner napkins waiting for me to weigh in on the subject. Not that I can speak with any authority of the subject of adoption, having gotten knocked up whilst in the throes of "just adopting" (ahahahahahaha! ha!) and therefore having been [...]
First: Boric acid is not recommended during pregnancy. Many have used it and lived to tell the tale, but I'm just sayin'.
Second: This, from Debbie at A Charmed Life:
"It's "Mommy Monday" over at A Charmed Life by Debbie in Escondido, California. Today's post honors her own mother, who died [...]
As in, what would The Internets do?
Okay. Here's the situation. It's blustery, cold, wet, and snowing pretty hard outside. The dog scratches at the door and mills around frantically; this means we have about four minutes before we have puddles and/or piles to deal with. Sophia, meantime, is happily watching [...]
Today, in Target, I bought Sophia her preferred bribe, which is a Luna Bar. I know, I know -- the soy! The spray-on vitamins! We do what we do to get by.*
So after a goodly amount of wrangling I got us through the checkout line, and as I was paying, [...]
Ohhhhh preschool. You all have reassured me greatly. Now I just have to call and find out when, exactly, they can start her, and whether that will allow me to take a crapload of life sciences over the summer. Let us hope the answers are "May" and "If you really [...]
Before we attend to the task at hand, I wish to share the happy news that Target, or at least a Target, has replaced its sad little bagged-up nursing bra stand (which grew emptier and more pathetic as they discontinued the line) with a ginormous wall of nursing bras, many [...]
First, the sweater I made for Sean. 
Pattern is Vanille by bluealvarez.com. Beautifully done pattern, by the way! Easy to knit -- way easier than Cherie Amour (slower going stitch-by-stitch, but I never had to back up five rows of lace or RIP THE [...]
I think Sean is teaching Sophia to play Super Mario Brothers (old school), which she calls "the Mushaboom game," in the next room. I have more pressing things on my mind (besides working on design for the new blog! woo!).
Before the promised posts, let me just ask you this:
If you [...]
Four years! Woo!
And thanks to an erratic/boring posting schedule, I have probably forced my readership down to where it was four years ago. Cheers to all you loyal diehards, happy new year, and here is what to expect in the coming days:
-Somebody Sent Me the Sears Vaccine Book, and I [...]
Really, it was that warm in Norfolk. And humid. In our attempts to corral the cat, who broke away like something out of a kitty prison movie, we all broke a sweat. More accurately, we broke a funk. Tidewater air will do that to you.
By the time we'd gotten to [...]
That Garnet Hill's kid and toddler pajamas, organic cotton and cute as heck, are on sale for $6 (SIX! BUCKS!) a set. That's cheaper than Wal-Mart, peeps. But organic! And with rocket ships!
Also, if (before you hit checkout, at the bottom of your order page) you enter the [...]
So who knows anything about Nashville? What it's like to live there, what it's like to eat there (CSAs? Natural food stores? Decent restaurants?)?
And whether, theoretically speaking, any of its denizens might want to hang out with a tired lady and her pet gorilla child?
(This is all in the imaginary [...]
That's how I'm posting this WHILE I am taking my stats exam. Are you wishing me luck? Sweet.
So, internets, I have a question for you. You know I love the Bad Nooz -- anything terrible about, you know, endocrine-disrupting chemicals in plastic, the plight of the polar bear, blah blah [...]
BPA: suck on it. Or don't. Not in Canada, anyway.
You're not fully clean unless you're potentiating the effects of testosterone. This may be particularly interesting to those of us whose endocrine systems hover on the brink of disruption anyway.
That stuff (triclocarban) is everywhere -- hard to avoid. [...]
...as I am reeeeeeally supposed to be studying for my stats final. I mean, for real.
Sophia's exciting new car game:
Sophia (from back seat): Hey Mama!
Me: Yes, sweetie?
Sophia: Mama, guess what I have in my mouth!
Me: Oh God. Um. What do you have in your mouth? <adjusts rearview, [...]
Guess what felts? In the armpits? After you spent a long time making it and falling in love with the yarn?
Sigh. I'm still going to wear it, even if I do appear to have dark blonde armpit toupees on the outside of my clothing. Perhaps it will become all the [...]
But first, this news: I actually went thirty-six hours without nursing. I know! Oh my god! We have recently begun to substitute a drink of goat milk (or salty crackers, on request) for the morning session, which is traditionally the hardest to drop, so I have some hope that maybe [...]
Sorry I dropped off the radar there. Was felled by a nasty UTI, definitely in the top contenders for Worst Ever, and it's a distinguished bunch. Anyway, blah blah antibiotics blah blah feeling better but need to go to sleep at 8:30 again.
I'll get back to you soon.
[...]Really. Thanks so much to everybody who wrote in. My cup -- well, my friend's cup -- runneth over. With pills. Yes. Well. Let us move on from that particular metaphor.
Back in the days of Gonal-F and other interesting things in small vials, I found myself just silly with insurance [...]
First let me give thanks to the following people: my doctor, for personally calling in a scrip to an out-of-town pharmacy, then leaving a message on my cell that everything was taken care of. Above and beyond, good Dr. F. If anybody needs the name of an excellent internist in [...]
Well, stills. Thumbnails, okay? WhatEVer.
Here is what I get when I turn my back for thirty five minutes:
And here is Cherie Amour, blocked:
One sleeve remaining on Cherie Amour, and boy am I happy with my pattern modifications! When it's all done I'll post for your edification -- pictures and directions alike.
Today was toddler extravaganza, and I was outnumbered all day by two-year-olds. There was rather a lot of "Mine!" and "Nonononononono!" [...]
I always dreamed about getting knocked up. Not just pregnant, but good and pregnant, preferably in a manner slightly inconvenient (wedding as yet unscheduled, but we was gonna anyways) yet not deviating from some story that might be charming in hindsight, you know, at golden anniversary parties and what have [...]
Or Mass...Massa...Massachusettians? Whatever the hell you people call yourselves. (What DO you call yourselves?) Somebody I know done got knocked up and now needs some awesome, I mean really amazing, midwives in the Boston area. Hospital or home (what are the laws there? I don't even know!) practice, don't matter, [...]
It took years before I realized it was more than one word. Ditto the phrase "pass gas," treated in my family as a single word and conjugated as such. "Pee yew! It smells like passgas in here!" "Ha ha! I passgassed on your leg!" Et cetera. I wonder what linguistic [...]
A while back I mentioned I was knitting Cherie Amour from the latest knitty.com. Got the yarn from handpaintedyarn.com (and oh my god, I want to eat it like linguine alfredo, it's so yummy, and affordable! Do you hear me? It's cheap enough that you could actually eat it!), [...]
MRSA in the news a lot lately. I will repost what I said on a message board, with a couple edits:
The media hysteria drives me nuts, mostly because it ends up spreading total misinformation (get a flu vax to save yourself! soak your head in triclosan!) at the expense of actual [...]
1. Thank you for the babysitting stories! You (collectively) brought back a memory I'd buried like dirty underpants at the bottom of the hamper...a horrid neighbor girl, a few years older than I, was at our house for some reason, and she and I were alone in my parents' room. [...]
For years babysitting was my primary source of income. I had some regular gigs in the neighborhood -- the three kids across the street, the four around the block -- that were supplemented with random calls from parents in what was evidently dire need, since they had never met me [...]
Reminder to self: A heat wave ? global warming, just as cold snap ? global warming disproven.
That said, I feel a little wistful looking at the pile of woolen hats I have generated this week. Onward --
I did a little math, this week, above and beyond that which was [...]
