My Darling Tori Anne,
I had to stop writing this post to go help you fall back to sleep. You are in the full on sleep regression, and excellent sources tell me this is totally normal at three and a half. AWESOME. I am now finishing this post the next morning. This is my life [...]
Today Tori picked up a penny from the parking lot outside our church. She held it up and showed it to me and said, "I'll keep this for Daddy cause we need money."
...
I grew up a poor kid. I know I'm mentioned it a million times, but it's a pretty [...]
When I was a little girl, I had a single recurring dream. I was in my house, and the snakes were coming. They were coming under the doors, they were coming through the windows, and they were coming through the door that they'd just broken down. There was no escaping' [...]
And that, my dear friends, is how Philadephians say "Attitude of Gratitude."
Yesterday I was tweeting a list of complaints about stupid annoying shit. My bad mood was set off by the worst twenty minutes of my day, every (other) day: getting Tori ready to go to school.
I don't know' [...]
Thanks to you guys, I'm thinking a bit differently about everything I posted about on Thursday. Your comments are so smart and informative, it helped clear up a great deal. I thought I'd highlight some of what you all had to share.
Tori, School, and the "Corn Incident"
I was worried about [...]
This morning, when I dropped Tori off at school, her teacher told me that Tori was doing "so well!" and that "she really takes direction!" and "when she does projects, she follows direction and does the right colors and stuff, so the corn is yellow at the top and green" [...]
Yesterday I met four other women for lunch. Together we five make up half of a group of women that I met online more than seven years ago; we were all infertile, we all lived in the Philadelphia area, and we all were beaten and exhausted and overwhelmed by the [...]
So remember when I mentioned that I might have some life-altering news? Well, I do. I really do.
I have landed a new client, a big client, and I won't be writing for them. Instead, I'll be working for the Marketing department (run by a gorgeous woman named Victoria, who totally [...]
My Darling Tori Anne,
I missed last month. I am so sorry. I don't even remember why, but I did, and I'm sorry. Particularly because plenty has happened in the last couple of months! You've grown tremendously.
The biggest news? POTTY TRAINING. Between you, Mommy, Daddy,' [...]
On Thursday, it was going so well. Tank seemed to be settling in and relaxing into his new home.
On Friday, I saw him curl his lip at Tori as she came to sit with me when he was already sitting next to me. It was so fast I wasn't even' [...]
Right now, I feel a bit... unnerved. I'm in the middle of some discussions with a series of work-type people that are all offering a variety of awesome opportunities, all at once. IF everything falls into place, all at one time, there will be much hard work (but much very' [...]
Daylight savings time -- or WHATever, the switch back to Standard Time -- is kicking my ass. For some reason -- probably orchestrated by Satan -- Tori now gets up around 5:30am; before the time change, she generally slept until 7:30am or so, which means she is now getting up [...]
So this morning I opened up the door and the new dog ran outside, down the porch steps, and took off down the street like a shot.
Wait. I didn't tell you about the new dog, did I?
Okay.
So. About a week ago, I started looking at the doggie personals that animal' [...]
So many of us have elections coming up this week. It's not a particularly sexy election, but it's still an important one. For instance, everyone is watching Virginia this year. A reader sent this to me because her husband is running:
My husband, Stevens Miller, is running for the Virginia House [...]Yesterday Tori came home from school chanting, "I'm not your friend, I'm not your friend!" I looked at her and asked her why she was saying that. "Hannah said it to me!" She replies cheerfully. Instantly, I was plunged back into third grade when my two awesome best friends, Jennifer [...]
It started on this day, five years ago.
Just a few days before that, I wrote this post. When you read it now and see how I was feeling -- the exhaustion, the edema, the return of constant vomiting -- it's clear that the disease had already begun to [...]
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the empty spaces. The one where my father should have been, the one where my sons should have been (ack, that anniversary is creeping up so fast), and now the empty space that was once filled with one hundred pounds of sweet, mellow dog.
I [...]
It's sort of like there was a beautiful, heart-warming strain of music in the background -- one playing so softly you barely registered it, but nonetheless, you heard it and it made you happy -- that has suddenly shut off. Bubba (aka Hammer, the Best Dog Ever) was such' [...]
A tribute to the best dog ever. Hammer died peacefully in our arms at 11:00am this morning. We will miss our Bubba more than you can possibly imagine.
Saying Goodbye to Hammer, aka Bubba, the Best Dog Ever from Cecily Kellogg on Vimeo.
[...]We knew it was coming. Sometime this summer Hammer went from regular dog to old dog. But in the last two weeks, something new was happening; he started to lose weight, and suddenly one side of his chest was bigger than the other.
Today we took him to the vet (yes, [...]
Five Things Tori is Doing Right Now That Make Me Insane:
1. The TALKING. Oh my ENDLESSFUCKINGSTREAMOFWORDS. Seriously, I've never heard anyone talk so much and say so little, not even Fox News. It's particularly bad in the car. Plus she repeats everything eight thousand times. Like, "We can play with" [...]
Honestly, I didn't want to remember. But I was reading Shelli's blog and she mentioned it and it hit me with the force of emotion denied. I've been watching the calendar, keeping an eye on the impending anniversary of Nicholas and Zachary's death, but any time the feelings have [...]
Every time I turn on the news, I see another story where I feel like the world has gone mad. Like seriously, overwhelmingly, MAD. It's been happening for a while now... first there was the young girl strip searched at her school for having the audacity to take an ibuprofen' [...]
Friday afternoon after Tori's nap I decided to take her to her favorite playground, just to get out of Charlie's hair and allow him some time to recover from his gall bladder removal. Tori is having trouble dealing with the fact that Daddy can't be jumped on, as you can' [...]
So I'm in the surgical waiting area using their free wifi (what a nice thing to offer, eh?) and figured I'd post an entry about my day in New York yesterday and give a mid-way update on Charlie's surgery.
Charlie's doing fine, apparently his surgery started about fifteen minutes ago, [...]
Well, on the tracks anyway. I am on th train to New York City again, this time on my own dime, to be a featured "audience member" of the Dr. Oz show. They are doing a show about sober moms, primarily interviewing Stephanie of the blog Baby On Bored. We [...]
As I watched President Obama's speech last night, I slowly fell away from the horrible anger I've been feeling lately whenever his name is mentioned, particularly in this last month, when protesters at Town Hall meetings carry images of President Obama looking like Hitler and people state, with deep' [...]
My Darling Tori Anne,
You've only gotten a month older, but your parents have aged at least a year in the last month. Why? Well, we had lots and lots of work to do and you were done with camp and had not yet started school. You are like most 39' [...]
On this day in 1962, a spectacular thing happened: my husband was born. The sun shone just a bit brighter in Brooklyn that day, as his mother Hertha and his father Charles welcomed their son into their family. They'd lost a little girl a few years earlier; she died shortly' [...]
Wait, what's the title of this post? Did it say there is a blogger at the end of this post? Oh no! I am so scared of bloggers! Especially mommy bloggers! Mommy bloggers are terrifying.
...
Yesterday I was reminded of my grandfather who, when paying the check at a restaurant, would' [...]
The days are hot and sticky. The fireflies have already vanished, and most spring plants have lost their blossoms and are beginning the slow and heavy lean back toward the earth. The cicadas sing from dawn til after dark, desperate to get their mating time in. Around here, no one [...]
Here's what I learned yesterday about the art of potty training:
• Perhaps the day after a day out at the beach where Tori walked, swam, and refused to nap at all isn't the best day to start
• Quite possibly one should consider postponing potty training when the Mommy has PMS
• [...]
I'm not going to post today because I'm in between work projects and I'm sneaking down to the beach for the afternoon, but if you're feeling like you simply can't get enough of me, check out this awesome interview of me over at the Type-A Mom Conference site. Cause you' [...]
My Darling Tori Anne,
I'm so sorry I missed your normal monthly update on the 7th of August. I was busy going a little bit crazy and the date just passed by without my noticing it. I am sorry. It's not like me. Luckily, the doctors are still tinkering with my [...]
Many of you have commented or emailed me asking, "If you don't trust that psychiatrist, why are you seeing him?" There is an easy and simple answer to that questions: because he's covered by my insurance.
When I made the decision to get back into therapy and pursue treatment for what [...]
So. Just got home from seeing the shrink.
Yeah.
The short answer? He thinks I'm mildly bipolar, and that the medication pushed me into a manic episode.
This marks, if you're counting, the third time someone has told me I'm bipolar. Someone who is a professional, I should say. The first time' [...]
So, I finally spoke with the psychiatrist (no my usual therapist, but her partner) and... it appears that I AM having a delayed medication reaction. Because I've been on an increased dose for three days and my symptoms are, to put it mildly, MUCH FUCKING WORSE.
Sigh.
The good: I found' [...]
Today I've called my therapist's partner and scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. Because this shit is unacceptable. Seriously.
Yesterday I started the day out very differently. Took Tori to camp. Came home and put on an exercise video. Pushed myself hard enough that the back of my hands actually sweat. Then [...]
I know lots of people don't like the word crazy. And frankly, I've used it too casually in the past myself. Today I am using the word Crazy the way that the people I know that suffer from chronic bipolar disease use the word Crazy; as a serious disease that [...]
1. Cutting all my hair off right before 4th grade. I claimed for years to be traumatized by this event. I loved my long hair, and I was left with a home-made mullet that looked like crap. But, WOW do I get the reason now. I hated getting my hair [...]
1. It's hot. Holy fuck, is it HOT. Don't be an idiot and forget to bring a hairband so you can put your sweaty, stinky, car-fume smelly hair into a ponytail and get it off your sweaty, smelly neck. It is, after all, August in New York City and well' [...]
So the other day I got a pitch from a public relations person. This isn't news; I get a bunch every day, ranging from fun things like the trip to New York I'm taking tomorrow to see the new Thomas the Tank Engine movie (and yes, Charlie and Tori [...]
One of the sweet/sour aspects of social media sites like Facebook is that you get the chance to reconnect and peek into the lives of people from your past. I may not be all that interested in following the antics of that super popular girl from high school, but it [...]
You know how lots of people say Tori looks like Suri Cruise? No? Well, apparently US Weekly agrees cause Tori is one of 30 finalists for a "kid celebrity look-a-like contest." Tori could win a haircut and a boat load of clothes. So please. Will y'all go vote for her?' [...]
Before I start this post, can you please go on over and give Charlie some love? He's working on a new collaborative project with a photographer who is illustrating some of his poetry. He's pretty excited about it and really wants folks to see it. You can check it out [...]
This will be one of those posts that ranges for folks from "Wow, she looks like that?" to "Why the fuck should I care about these people?" Heh. I still have a possible video in the works too. BlogHer 09 photos, commence! (These are all iPhone photos, so apologies for [...]
I've been thinking and processing and reading other's thoughts about the conference. It's fascinating to hear what others think; I find myself agreeing with nearly everyone, which is funny, because there are so many different opinions. Before I address some specific points, I want to make something very clear: the' [...]
It's about 8:15 on Monday morning and I am trying to figure out how to write about the weekend. Part of the trouble is that I'm exhausted so my brain is mush and I cannot sort it all out. Part of the trouble is that there were elements to the' [...]
Dudes, it is CRAZY. CRAAAAAAAAAAAAZY.
So... my self-description might have been a bit off yesterday. Heh.
I've traveled more in the last year than I ever have before in my life. Thanks to my blogging life, in the last twelve months I've been to San Francisco/http://www.kirtsy.com/partyguide.phphttp://www.uppercasewoman.com/wastedbirthcontrol/addict_alcoholic/Palo Alto twice, Bethesda, Houston, and now on Thursday I'm heading to Chicago for BlogHer '09.
Yesterday Charlie and I had arranged to have my mother babysit so we could have a date night, and we originally planned to do something wholesome and healthy but we decided to check out the local event listings, you know, just in case. To our shock, we discovered that a [...]
While going for a short hike while Tori is at camp, Charlie and I have the following conversation after listening to NPR discussing the economic crisis AGAIN on the way to the hike.
Me: I wonder if the whole financial industry collapse is partially a result of the prevalence of people [...]
Pout of the Sea from Cecily Kellogg on Vimeo.
' [...]I meant to post earlier today but I was in a MOOD. Just... gah. A MOOD. And not a good one either.
I hate when this happens, and I don't have a decent explanation -- say, PMS -- and it just goes on and on. There's no particular reason for me' [...]
I guess today is going to be my post for July where I complain about parenting. So you can move on if you aren't interested.
Last night we took Tori to see a local high school's production of "The Disney Princesses." It was very well done, actually, and Tori loved' [...]
My Darling Tori Anne,
Sweet girl! You are 37 months old. A month older than 3. I still can't believe you are three; you have become such a big girl these days I can hardly stand it. The vestiges of babyhood are few and far between on you now: a bit' [...]
Dear IFC:
I was thrilled to hear you have chosen to film your first original movie for your channel. I was even more thrilled to hear you were going to use the awesome Anita Blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton as your inspiration. Anita Blake is a great character, [...]
So, Saturday I took Tori to the pool for a few hours. From 11am to 2pm. And while I lathered Tori up repeatedly in 60+ sunblock, did I do the same for myself?
No.
Why not? This is so stupid I want to hang my head in shame.
Because I wanted [...]
July 4th, 2009 from Cecily Kellogg on Vimeo.
[...]1. Tori has gotten much, much better. We're not sure if it's the attitude adjustment on our part (which has been a biggy) or that she's had a major breakthrough developmentally related to language. Dudes, this kid can TALK. One night on vacation as I lay in bed with her' [...]
When Charlie's Angels was on television the first time, I didn't watch it. Our TV died when I was about five years old (in my memory, it was smack in the middle of an Easter Bunny special too), and my mother chose to not replace it. I think this was' [...]
Tomorrow at the ungodly hour of 7:30 am Charlie is getting an ultrasound of his gall bladder. Why? Well, he had a handful of super painful abdominal "attacks" that may be related to gall stones. (Or, as he likes to point out, pancreatic cancer.) While we've been waiting for the' [...]
Oh hi! How are you? I think that might have been the longest internet absence I've experienced in years. Whoa. I did check in with the iPhone but the signal was inconsistent so it got annoying after a bit. But we are glad to be home! We enjoyed the trip' [...]
Years ago, when I had just finished being part of a group of people helping to organize a recovery conference, I realized I needed more help in my personal recovery than what I was getting from meetings that dealt strictly with my personal addiction. I needed help with the way [...]
So I have good news and bad news, but your personal perspective is going to determine which of the two things I'll mention now is which. Heh.
This is my last post for 23andMe *sob!*. I've loved working for them, and I've learned so much about not only DNA and science' [...]
We lie down on the big bed, snuggled together, and Tori says, "Tell me the story about the day I was bor-ing."
I say, "You mean the day you were born?"
And she nods, her pacifier handle flapping a bit. I think, again, how it's time to move on from pacifiers, but' [...]
So at this point my little editorial about losing the boys has appeared in eight or nine different papers, from Madison, Wisconsin to Ithaca, New York to -- my personal favorite -- Anchorage, Alaska (where I like to envision Sarah Palin reading it).
Each of the places [...]
I have blog brain back load -- meaning I have so many different things I want to write that I cannot seem to get started blogging at all. It's making me a bit cranky. Add to that the general befuddlement that comes with a head full of snot, and I'm [...]
My darling internets, I did not mean to abandon you. I know you don't like to hear about when I'm sick, but, well, I'm sick. A freight train of a cold-flu-thing hit me on Tuesday night, and I've been either shivering and sweating, sleeping, laying about while Tori watches TV [...]
When I was about 11 years old, I was playing with friends at my apartment complex when we found a paperback novel. A paperback novel of porn. Somehow the book ended up in my possession, and since I was a voracious reader (still am), I read every word. It was [...]
I haven't written much here about the results of my 23andMe test, primarily because there has been so much back-and-forth about the whole "getting paid to blog" thing. Liz over at Mom 101 had a great post about it, and I too feel very conflicted about it.' [...]
So, I finally saw the new therapist on Monday. We had the typical first session, where I compress my entire life history down to about twenty minutes of family and other drama. She looked appropriately overwhelmed (father left you? raised in poverty? starting drinking at 13? moved around a lot? [...]
Tori has finally voiced an opinion about her birthday, and requested a Hello Kitty cake. I'm not surprised; she loves Hello Kitty passionately, thanks to a birthday gift at her first birthday from a friend and the Hello Kitty mirror she inherited from Sarah's daughter that is in her room [...]
I've been trying since last night to write how I feel about the tragic loss of Dr. Tiller. I attempted to post my thoughts on Twitter, but I wasn't clear at all, and I confused people. I just can't quite calm down enough to formulate my thoughts.
If you haven't read [...]
1. What is it with the talking? Tori shoots out of bed at full speed -- seriously, like she just had eight shots of espresso -- talking nonstop. "Look, here's my unicorn! There are monsters! This is my binky! I'm wearing Hello Kitty pajamas! Where's Daddy? Where's Bubba? Where's Annie?'" [...]
Yesterday I missed a client call. No good reason, I just didn't write it down and forgot. Not that it surprises me; I never write any appointments down. I try to keep in all in my head. Which is totally stupid, because I have all these cool gadgets and other' [...]
Lots of stuff happening in the world, no? Let's discuss. Warning: I am probably woefully uninformed about some of these issues, so feel free to correct my impressions in the comments.
1. Prop 8 Decision in California. Sigh. Not terribly surprising, but still sad. Glad to see that those folks' [...]
... you have to go elsewhere to read the entries I've written about this stuff.
It's been a media-laden week for me. I was interviewed about Twitter by a local news station here (I think you'll enjoy this clip more than my last one--heh). Then I got to participate in' [...]
I would love to write a nice big post, but the sand is distracting me. I wrapped up a big work project so we decided to do a day trip down to Ocean City, New Jersey. Tori is happily playing in the freezing water, and I am relaxed for the [...]
1. Work. Huge project due Friday. Why am I blogging?
2. Take coffee table we got Saturday out of car. Said coffee table was purchased for a song through Craig's List (used, obviously) thanks to the very sad breakup of two very attractive men with good taste. The soft storage ottoman' [...]
I had the most horrible dream.
Tori was turning three, so it was time to go back to the orphanage and sign some papers that would finally, really and truly, make her legally ours forever. She would be our forever girl.
Going back to the orphanage brought back some very intense memories [...]
I meant to do a video blog post yesterday, but I ended up filming our little adventure instead today which I will post below. We actually got out and about this weekend, almost an international tour (if you will) of our fair city.
Saturday we went to the Italian Market [...]
Just a light post for a Friday. I am feeling somewhat more engaged and alive today, thanks to yesterday's post and your as-always insightful and supportive comments. This morning I not only got up with Tori happily (well, it's hard not to be happy when she sleeps! until! 8:30 am!), [...]
This is going to be a post about my feeeeeeeeeeelings.
This morning I arrived at my recovery meeting a few minutes early, which is great, because that always gives me a chance to chat with my friends before it starts and settle Tori in the nursery with the other kids [...]
I was lucky enough last week to be privy to a room of forty women (and one man!), many over 70, talking about sex. I can't share here what I learned, but let me say this: DAMN. Nothing rocks your world like hearing someone in their 60s say that the' [...]
So we got home from our second attempt at camping with Tori (the first attempt was nearly two years ago) yesterday, and I meant to blog yesterday -- I really did -- but I had a bit of trouble with re-entry into the real world and it took me most [...]
My Darling Tori,
In a month, you will be three years old. Normally this is the part of the post where I talk about how I can't believe it, but the truth is, I do believe it. You are a walking, talking, engaged and opinionated PERSON now; you are no longer' [...]
I planned to do a lengthy post about sex as a married mom to a toddler. I talked about it a lot today. But I didn't write it. Why? Because I spent six hours at the hair salon getting my hair colored. And now? I'm going to torture you by [...]
Dudes. Tori is going to be THREE in a MONTH. How did that happen?
So, naturally, our thoughts are turning to... oh my fucking GOD we have to plan a birthday party.
Yeah.
Let's review: year one, we went totally insane. We rented a pavilion at a state park (not too expensive,' [...]
