Tacy asked me last week, “Does a babysitter HAVE to say yes when you ask them to babysit?”
I had to laugh as I explained that no, in fact, babysitters are free to turn down job offers. “I can’t FORCE anyone to watch you kids,” I told her. “If I don’t [...]
Sometime last year I had a conversation with a woman about some new initiative that Oprah was launching, and did I want to be involved? We chatted for a while, but I never heard anything else. Honestly, I wasn’t disappointed because the entire conversation made me feel like a fraud. [...]
Our tax returns were filed today. Both the IRS and the Colorado Department of Revenue got to raid our checking account.
But it wasn’t the prospect of a tax bill that kept me from gathering up our documents on February 1 and dialing up our accountant for his earliest appointment. No, [...]
Today is Madeline Spohr’s memorial service.
Meanwhile, another devastated family is making similar arrangements for their son.
If I weren’t already a godless heathen, I think the events of this past week would have broken down my faith. I’m not blaming God for taking these children – how can I [...]
Step 1: Issue invitations
Let the birthday girl invite whomever she wants, as long as you’ve heard her mention the proposed invitees’ names before. That means you must have at least a mailing address, email address or phone number for all invitees. If she can’t muster up contact information, then [...]
…then who am I to scoff at it?
Of course she did it nearly two months ago, which ought to give you an idea of the number of degrees of separation between her and me, but I read Amanda’s answers and thought it might be fun to do it [...]
I have to admit that I enjoy the satisfaction of having tackled a tough topic with my kids, realizing that we all emerged unscathed. Politics, religion, racism, and gay marriage – we’ve done our best to be objective and respectful while putting these sticky topics into terms that kids can [...]
Dear Tacy,
As you’ve approached your seventh birthday, I’ve wanted to bottle up our days together so that I may hold tightly onto them when, in another few years, you won’t let me hold tightly onto you.
Something magical happened this year between you and me. We rarely quarrel anymore; now we [...]
I brought the March of Dimes pamphlet home a few weeks ago and put it on the kitchen table next to my laptop. I moved it a few times, but I always found a safe place for it because I knew I wanted to write about it soon.
Then this morning, [...]
A lot of people out there think Ann Coulter is an insufferable, hateful bitch; I’m one of them.
Really, I’d like someone to explain to me why a woman who makes statements like these ought to be tolerated, let alone revered:
“We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them [...]
I’ve been observing the PR/blogger dance ever since the first unsolicited press release appeared in my inbox. Sometimes it’s a well-timed tango, but more often it resembles the mosh pit at a Circle Jerks show.
But there’s a new twist in the dance that intrigues me. In addition to sifting through [...]
Tomorrow we are having a birthday party, here at the house, for Tacy.
We went through a few iterations of where to have the party and what to do at the party, but the one point on which there wasn’t much deliberation was whom to invite. She rattled off a list [...]
Way back at the beginning of January, I laid down a gauntlet for myself - one which included a series of sprint triathlons and a 10K race, along with a twelve-week weight loss contest. In early March, I added the 30 Day Shred to the hurdles I’d [...]
When I told the girls we were going to Disneyland, they were thrilled to pieces. “We go to Cal-ee-fornia?” CJ asked. “We see Mickey Mouse?” When I confirmed that’s exactly what was in store, she literally jumped up and down and clapped her [...]
Saturday, I tweeted that women over 35 shouldn’t wear shorts unless they’ve got one heck of a bod.
(Yes @cynicaldad, I was referring to women - so you just keep right on wearing those shorts because I’m sure you look great.)
I got an interesting array of replies. Smart aleck [...]
Despite last summer’s travel mishaps and my vow not to travel anywhere overnight with three children in tow until Oliver was at least three years old, opportunities have knocked that I simply cannot ignore. Plus, airfare was [...]
My tweet about Tacy’s practiced introduction to her class presentation garnered some replies so funny they sent Kyle and me into fits. Surprisingly though, I didn’t get any backlash on her use of the f-bomb.
If you’ve been reading mothergoosemouse for any length of time - like maybe a week [...]
She couldn’t have been four. Maybe three and a half.
I looked up when her mother walked over to the side of the pool where her little girl was sobbing. The instructor looked up at the girl kindly, and her mother knelt down and spoke to her. I couldn’t hear; they [...]
Hemorrhoids last forever.
Oh sure, they might temporarily recede, tricking you into thinking that they’ve disappeared entirely. But don’t be fooled; they’re just dormant.
It doesn’t take much to bring them out though. Even the power of suggestion - for example, a friend complaining that hers have flared up - can [...]
We all got into the car after a couple hours spent at the gym, and Kyle groped for his wallet. He came up empty-handed.
He twisted around in his seat to retrieve his gym bag and dug through it, twice. He checked all the pockets of his jacket, the console in [...]
My breasts are officially retired.
I survived the pain of weaning at Mom 2.0, although I did whimper occasionally via Twitter. Kristen graciously offered to lend Margot to me, but after the events of last week, I’m glad that I didn’t take her up on it because I wouldn’t [...]
I only wish that’s how bedtime went in this house. I’d even take truckloads of hamsters parading through the house if it meant that the girls actually got to bed on time.
Seriously. I’d even vacuum up all the poop pellets.
Tacy and CJ almost [...]
Today would have been Granny’s ninety-third birthday.
We talk about Granny a lot around here. It’s hard not to think of her often, because she was so integral to my childhood. Now that I’m navigating my own children’s childhood, I’m reminded of her not just on holidays, but every day.
When I [...]
But more importantly, David Frum is right:
“A man who is aggressive and bombastic, cutting and sarcastic, who dismisses the concerned citizens in network news focus groups as “losers.” With his private plane and his cigars, his history of drug dependency and his personal bulk, not to mention his tangled marital [...]
Remember in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off when Ferris calls Cameron on the phone and asks, “How do you feel?” and Cameron replies, “Shredded,” right?
Yeah. When Jillian Michaels says, at the end of Level One of the 30 Day Shred, “You are well on your way to being shredded,” [...]
Being that I’m not divorced nor are my parents divorced, I fully realize that I may be speaking out of school here, but it really bothers me when divorced or separated parents treat their children like pawns.
Conversely, I can’t adequately express my admiration for divorced or separated parents who must [...]
When I used to fill in at Tacy and CJ’s old pre-school, I heard from more than one teacher about the lively tales told by their kids. Sometimes those stories got personal enough - and racy enough - that the teachers had a little difficulty looking parents in the [...]
I haven’t bought a workout DVD in more than a decade. After all, who needs DVDs when there are rooftop gyms in New York and bike trails in Colorado? I can’t even make it through most classes without rolling my eyes, let alone a rah-rah video shot in a fake [...]
I was cleaning out my inbox when I found it. I’d practically forgotten about that email and the two replies I’d sent, and I’d already chalked it up to a no-go.
But because my friend Susan Getgood is always on the lookout for blogger outreach examples, both good and bad, [...]
When I went to the dentist last fall, I took home some pamphlets with the intent of writing a post. Instead, I stuffed them in one of my many overflowing piles and put that potential post on the back burner.
Since then, I’ve gotten back in touch with a high school [...]
I loved the book Beauty Confidential - lots of great product recommendations, many of which I still use, from a former beauty editor who knows what she’s talking about. But the one chapter in the book that evoked my skepticism was [...]
I’m all for allowing kids to pick and choose which classmates and friends they want to invite to their birthday party. It’s their party - they shouldn’t have to spend it with kids they don’t like, brothers and sisters excepted. And it’s never too early to learn about not discussing [...]
I’m an uncloseted fan of Survivor. Some seasons have been better than others, but I always watch because I’m fascinated with the sociological aspects of the game. Also, no matter how old or ill-suited for Survivor a tribe member may be, they’re still more daring than I am. A [...]
At the Mom 2.0 Carnivale on Friday night, I had a rare opportunity to talk with Lisa Stone for more than fifteen seconds - rare because she has to be one of the busiest people I know, but [...]
Kyle and I had only known each other a few weeks when I discovered that he had been raised as a Christian Scientist.
We were looking through an old photo album in which his mother had captioned a photo taken after Kyle had been hit by a car when he was [...]
Some people have to make an effort to be a redneck. For me, it just happens naturally, thanks to sheer laziness.
Take, for example, what I prepared for dinner the other night: boxed Kraft Macaroni ‘n’ Cheese. That in itself isn’t so awful, but the “Best Before” date on the box [...]
He had behaved perfectly the entire time we were in the store: Didn’t grab anything off the shelves, hardly made a peep, and only dropped my car keys on the floor once.
As I removed the items from our cart and placed them on the counter, he [...]
I may not watch much prime time TV, but “The Office” is one show that I don’t miss.
Granted, I was a little late to the party, just as I was with “Seinfeld” and “Friends”. Come to think of it, I haven’t been a loyal viewer of any series all [...]
My mother rarely volunteered at my school or in my extra-curricular activities. She volunteered in other capacities (such as…gulp…Junior League), but the room mother gig just wasn’t for her.
I didn’t mind. Other kids loved having their mothers chaperone field trips and plan class parties, and their mothers loved doing those [...]
Thursday morning, I kind of lost it.
Tuesday and Thursday mornings are always a little rough; CJ has to be at speech therapy by eight, which means all five of us have to be semi-presentable by seven forty-five. That shouldn’t be all that difficult, but it almost always is.
For one, I [...]
Find parts one, two, and three here
Approximately 23.6 million Americans have Type 2 diabetes. A quarter of them don’t even know it. Another 57 million have insulin resistance (pre-diabetes). According to a 2006 article on WebMD.com, 39,000 children have Type 2 diabetes, and another 2.8 [...]
Insulin is a hormone. It’s produced in the pancreas and released when blood glucose levels rise, typically after meals (when glucose has been absorbed into the bloodstream). Insulin is responsible for getting glucose out of the blood and into cells, among other important [...]
High-fructose corn syrup was created by Japanese food scientists in 1971.
Corn syrup is produced when enzymes are added to corn starch to break the starch down into glucose - similar to what happens in our own digestive systems. High-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is produced when an [...]
When Tacy was six weeks old, we moved from the Upper East Side to New Jersey. We lived in a large building on the boulevard that runs along the edge of the cliffs overlooking the Hudson.
The town extended west from the boulevard and was predominantly Hispanic. We’d go for a [...]
Dear Oliver,
Tomorrow is your first birthday.
Nope, I can’t believe you’re already one. But, as I’ve commented lately to friends, considering that I spent most of my pregnancy with you in a state of shock, it’s not surprising that I still look at [...]
Before moving here, Kyle and I were only passing acquaintances with our neighbors. In Dover, he worked with the officer who lived next door, and in New York, we occasionally chatted with one woman and another couple on our floor.
In New Jersey, we got to know many more of the [...]
Dear CJ,
Happy birthday! You turned four on Saturday, but by no means is that your biggest accomplishment of the past year. Your metamorphosis since your last birthday is nothing short of incredible.
Sure, you talk. A lot. Perhaps too much sometimes. You go [...]
Kyle is by far one of the most easygoing people I’ve ever known. He’s unflaggingly optimistic, always convinced that everything will work out for the best, and he’s rarely bothered by anything.
In fact, the only way to really get his goat - apart from leaving comments here regarding Young [...]
This weekend, Tacy was telling me what she’d learned about Martin Luther King Jr. in school the past week. “He made a lot of important speeches,” she reported.
“That’s true,” I agreed. “But do you know why they were important?”
There began yet another discussion of civil rights.
It’s ground that we’ve covered [...]
One afternoon last summer, Tacy came in from playing outside, looking frustrated. I asked her what was wrong.
“I don’t like it when my friends say things that I know aren’t true,” she complained. “When I say, That’s not true! they keep saying it is. I don’t like that.”
I smiled at [...]
Yesterday afternoon, at the end of a very long day during which I mentally composed several eBay ads offering up my two younger children to the highest any bidder, while refusing demands for cartoons, I ran across The Namesake on one of the movie channels.
The Namesake (by Jhumpa Lahiri) is [...]
I don’t like the idea of “firsts” - the first time you [fill in the blank] or the first person to [fill in the blank].
The inherent pressure to be first, even when you’d probably be better served NOT to be first (for example, being the first of your friends to [...]
Last spring, we removed CJ from her old pre-school after it became very clear that the environment there was no longer a good fit - and that’s being kind about it. I still ache a bit when I think of how sad she seemed there; I should have known [...]
That’s the best incentive I’ve found yet to clean up the damn house.
Don’t get me wrong; I keep the place clean. Regrettably, I’m on the neat freak end of the cleanliness spectrum. That’s regrettable because not only do I drive my family crazy with my cleaning compulsions (which have relaxed [...]
(Disclaimer: Purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is wholly coincidental.)
I think I have figured out why it is damn near impossible to make new friends as a parent.
We almost always have our kids in tow when we meet prospective new friends - at the park, at the [...]
[Edited below]
I’d been thinking about reactivating my Facebook profile.
Yeah, I know. I railed against them - many times and in many places - for removing pictures of breastfeeding mothers while continuing to allow pro-ana groups. But it had been a while, and I heard my high school [...]
In 2004, Kyle’s office held a weight-loss competition that ran from New Year’s Day to Tax Day. Whoever shed the greatest percentage of their starting weight won a cash prize. Naturally, Kyle set out to win.
He only managed to stop drinking Natty Light for the first four days, but he [...]
I’ve got a confession that may very well get me run out of town: I like to root against the Broncos.
I don’t hate the Broncos. Nor am I a fan of any other individual team. It just seems like people around here get a wee bit too invested in what’s [...]
I know that yesterday I was supposed to be all introspective, being the last day of the old year, and today I’m supposed to be looking forward to the new year ahead - setting goals and making resolutions - but honestly, I’m just glad for the status quo. If, at [...]
Christmas was pretty damn awesome around here - yes, we atheists celebrate Christmas; no way are we cheating ourselves out of the fun of Santa. We’ve even got Nativity scene ornaments on our tree, handed down from my parents who don’t really believe either.
Even though I told Kyle explicitly NOT [...]
As John Bender would say, “Not even close, bud.”
I haven’t wrapped a damn thing. But I’ve got a good reason.
My children - well, two of them anyway - have reached the age where presents cannot be wrapped and left under the tree in peace.
Everything must be picked up and [...]
When my PIMs and I took our friendships off the Babycenter Working Moms board and onto a Yahoo group and started planning our first big meet-up, we joked about whether we actually were who we said we were. Someone posted a picture of an extremely large, extremely hairy man [...]
I try not to put too much pressure on myself at the holidays.
We stay at home. Want to come visit us? Great! Want us to get on a plane or in a car and come visit you? Are you MAD?! Not even if you bought plane tickets for all five [...]
Thank you so very much to everyone who submitted entries to my Wii/Wii Fit giveaway.
I haven’t commented on any of them, but I’ve read them all - posts, comments, emails - at least twice. I’ve been absorbed by your stories and been touched by your struggles. I wish I [...]
Oliver had his nine-month check up this week (a month and a half late, I realize).
I was profoundly grateful that, unlike at CJ’s nine-month check up, the doctor did not discover a double ear infection. I was proud that, unlike at any of CJ’s or Tacy’s check ups, he [...]
Oh, Gov. Rendell. No, you di-in’t.
You did? Well, I think I understand your intent.
Still. Not cool. Don’t box us in.
—
Want an excellent example of why more regulation is not necessarily better? Read this.
Not only will the CPSIA cost the big box toymakers a shit-ton of money [...]
Because competition is good for the soul. Well, it’s good for my soul, anyway.
It’s been the Wii Fit Olympics around here ever since the lovely ladies from Nintendo breezed in Friday night They got the party started with three TVs, three Wii’s, and a ton of my favorite foods [...]
I’m sitting at the piano, pounding away happily at “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”. Tacy is sitting beside me on the bench.
T: Why are you playing a God song?
Me: Because I like it. Some of my favorite Christmas carols are the religious ones. Beautiful music, fun to play.
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We have [...]
If the girls had just met me in the cul-de-sac like we’d planned, this would have never happened.
But as it was, they loitered outside the school for several minutes before they started walking. And because I still had to pick up CJ and get her to soccer practice, and I [...]
A few months ago, Jory des Jardins wrote a piece at BlogHer.com that I really loved - all about the acronym PANK.
PANK stands for Professional Auntie, No Kids. I’ve had two PANKs myself; one is Herman Anne’s mother, my Aunt Linda (who is obviously no longer a PANK, [...]
First of all, I’m not even tired.
Okay, that’s a lie. I’m really tired. Exhausted, even. Not quite as exhausted as some of my friends, but pretty wiped out nonetheless.
I probably get a good six or seven hours each night, but it’s broken up. CJ comes in somewhere [...]
There are a lot of great dads out there - some are better than others - but even the greatest father will never be a mother.
There’s something innate to motherhood that makes it impossible for men to wholly embrace. And it’s that same something that makes it impossible for men [...]
The first one is here.
Thanks to Mrs. Chicky for the ROFL award, and to The Bloggess for the concrete poem idea.
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While we’re in the vicinity of where tampons go, you really ought to check out Mominatrix’s new project [...]
Because let me tell you, it’s been a strain.
It’s tough to be stuck in the middle. Compared to my neighbors, I’m a commie pinko. Compared to my friends in the blogosphere, I’m…well, I guess I’m Sarah Palin.
Campaigns are never pretty, but this season brought with it so much ugliness. I’m [...]
…they’d choose the candidate whose name sounds best when repeated endlessly in a low growl. While wearing a tiger mask.
Thank god she’s not saying “Redrum!”
Get out there and vote, people.
[...]The greatest treat found in the trick or treat bags wasn’t candy, but a set of vampire teeth:
That is one tired duck.
Meanwhile, our pumpkin…overindulged:
As an aside, we GREW that pumpkin in our backyard. Here it is in its infancy:
[...]
I may not call myself a feminist, but I recognize the primal role that Gloria Steinem played in the advancement of opportunities for women. I admire her initiative and leadership in the face of great opposition. So in spite of the differences in our political philosophies, I was thrilled [...]
Saturday afternoon, I took Tacy and CJ to a birthday party. It was a party for Tacy’s friend, and yet I left both girls.
I thought about it as I drove, wondering if I was overstepping the bounds of friendship and overestimating CJ’s ability to behave herself. The mother of Tacy’s [...]
When my parents lived in Okinawa in the 1960s, they got a puppy. She was a Japanese Spitz (closest domestic approximation is an American Eskimo), and her name was Geisha. She was small enough to fit in the palm of my father’s hand, and she’d crawl under the car [...]
Interesting range of feedback on the size seven diaper post.
A few commenters either have or know of healthy kids at the top of the weight range. A few commenters have healthy kids who are late to train. And at least two commenters agree that I’m a judgmental bitch.
Not my pants size.
Not my ring size.
Not even my shoe size.
It’s the new size of Pampers Cruisers. Fits children weighing 41 pounds or more.
Does this strike anyone else as being a little…off?
I checked out the growth chart percentiles for children weighing 41 pounds. At age 3, it’s greater than the [...]
Even pumpkin carving:
Get your free Presidential Pumpkin Stencils at Better Homes and Gardens. Dremel not included.
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And get your red hot reviews over at Mother Knows Best - My Listography (a totally cool book for Type-A personalities in training), V-Smile Cyber Pocket (a handheld [...]
The only thing better than going to the airport and getting on a plane yourself?
Going to the airport to meet your oldest and dearest friend - the one you missed seeing in San Francisco.
If we’re exhausted, I know Mayberry Mom and family [...]
I’m hoping Kyle will forgive this post based on my use of one of his favorite 50-cent words in the title
When Kyle was stationed in Panama, he had a neighbor - another military officer - who taught him how to brew his own beer. His apartment was huge, with entirely [...]
Hello Aunt Flo, my old friend
You’ve come to plague me once again.
Because my estrogen is creeping
Downward even while I am sleeping.
And the boxes that were stored up on my shelf
Help myself
Defray the cost of tampons.
In restless dreams I tossed and turned
While inside me [...]
The night before my parents arrived for a visit, I dreamed that my mother walked into our house, looked around and asked, “Is your house always this messy?”
In reality, over the course of the visit, she said one of the nicest things she’s ever said to me. After finding that [...]
I must remember…
Turkey on Thanksgiving,
Pudding on Christmas,
Eggs on Easter,
Chicken on Sunday,
Fish on Friday,
Leftovers, Monday.
But ah, me – I am such a dunce.
I went and ate then all at once.
-Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends
For us, the remembering starts with Kyle reminding me [...]
Our laundry room is directly adjacent to the door leading out to our garage. When I’m folding laundry, I’ll wheel Oliver’s high chair over to the door so that he can keep me in his line of sight and avoid a major meltdown.
I’d noticed that instead of looking over at [...]
When I quipped, “Save yourselves, Wall Street“, I was only half-kidding. I’m definitely still infuriated by the situation - and the apparent inability or unwillingness of parties on both sides of the aisle to raise sufficient alarm before now - and disgusted by the terms of the bailout bill [...]
For a family in which none of us can carry a tune, we do a lot of singing around here.
We sing songs that pertain to what we’re doing (”Changes” by David Bowie for diaper changes) or the message we’re trying to get across (”You Can’t Always Get What You Want” [...]
Scroll down past the parenting angst if you’re just here to read Part 2 of my letter to Sarah Palin…
I’ve been a little nervous about Tacy’s parent-teacher conference. Her adjustment to first grade, which was somewhat bumpy at first, has been mellowing out. But there have been other occurrences [...]
Dear Gov. Palin,
The good news? I don’t pity you anymore.
The bad news? I’m now wholly unable to respect you as a viable vice-presidential candidate.
I disagreed with you on many points from the start - most notably, your socially conservative views. But the footage of you, speaking to your [...]
And let them keep on rolling for many more years. Happy eleventh anniversary, love.
Not our wedding, not even our anniversary, but definitely having a good time together.
[...]…and her cleanliness from me.
Here’s hoping she doesn’t feed any of her Polly Pocket Pop ‘N Swap parts to the Dustbuster.
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Got some crazy mismatched kiddos at your house? Then check out this special mid-week PBN Blog Blast!
[...]If you’ve been reading my tweets, you’ve seen that I’m pissed about this proposed bailout. Really, really pissed.
I’ve been watching the coverage, and I’ve been impressed by the bipartisan criticism of the package and the events that led up to it. I’ve also listened closely to the various economists’ commentary.
I’m [...]
