I just went for a bracing winter bicycle ride and am now hella braced.
One interesting thing about rides this late in the year is that you find yourself simultaneously sweating profusely and chilled to the bone, a condition that otherwise only occurs if you (a) have contracted hypothermia or (b) [...]
In 1854, Henry David Thoreau said that most people “lead lives of quiet desperation”.
Today that is no longer true. Thanks to blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and reality television, our desperation just keeps getting louder.
[...]
Hi, I’m Lou Dobbs, called “Mr. Independent” by myself and others (mostly myself). When I abruptly quit my plush gig as the host of Lou Dobbs Tonight last week, people thought I had gone insane(r). Didn’t I have everything that an irritable curmudgeon could possibly want?
I did–AND NOW [...]
I got a professional haircut today. This was my first since … oh, dunno. Like May of 2003, I reckon? (Yay blog)
When I told the stylist on the phone that I hadn’t been to a barber in six years, she gasped in alarm. “I don’t have six years of [...]
To: Woodland Park Zoo
From: Matthew Baldwin
Date: Mon, Nov 16, 2009 at 4:52 PM
Subject: Are the lights on in the nocturnal house at night?
Hi! A friend and I visited your fine zoo recently. Later that night, over beers, we joked about breaking in and revisiting the nocturnal house, [...]
Thank goodness there is finally an International Version. I’m sure the folks in Iceland are psyched.
[...]I glanced up from my laptop to find my five-year-old son standing nearby, gripping a bottle of Elmer’s glue. He had removed the cap and was holding the container upside down, watching, fascinated, as the viscous white substance drooled into a ever-growing pool on the kitchen floor.
“What are you doing?!” [...]
Saw VI: “Could well be called Saw It Already.” — Rob Nelson, VARIETY
All About Steve: “Easily the worst movie of the week, month, year, and Bullock’s entire career. It is to comedy what leprosy once was to the island of Molokai: a plague best contemplated from many miles away.” [...]
This contains no spoilers, even though I assume that anyone with an interest in seeing Paranormal Activity has done so already.
Among obnoxiously pedantic board game enthusiasts (a group of which I am a founding member), a distinction is made between “games” and “activities”.
A game, you see, is one in [...]
Here’s a thing I wrote for The Morning News: Adventure Capital.
Wholly unrelated: go listen to the audio clips here. A little additional context: Dave Niehaus is a loooongtime Seattle Mariners commentator; Mike Blowers is a former third baseman who recently joined the broadcasting team. Rounding out [...]
Scientists have invented a pill that that allows you to live without eating, drinking, or excreting. Unfortunately it not only eliminates your desire to eat, it also ensures that you take no pleasure when doing so.
Question: Would you take the pill?
FAQ: Taking the pill is a one-time event. Once [...]
My New Year’s Resolution for 2009 was to “complete 12 projects”. In making the vow, I left “project” largely undefined–pretty much anything that I wanted to do and that would take a fair amount of effort qualified, as far as I was concerned. I chose twelve thinking that each would [...]
All being a dad takes “is a few minutes”? Man, I have been overpaying for years. I hope they credit my account for the extra–I could use that time to learn the sousaphone or something.
[...]Gidget–the Chihuahua who starred in the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” commercials — died today at the age of 15.
He will get his reward in the afterlife, as Taco Bell is all they serve in hell.
[...]
Happy anniversary of our nation’s greatest one night stand. We walked all over her 40 years ago, and now we can’t even be bothered to call.
[...]My friend Caitlin Burke and I have a Seattle photo essay in The Morning News today.
Also: posts everyday this week on defective yeti! You can take that to the bank. And we all know how reliable banks are, these days.
[...]
Ya heard it here first:
Oh shut up, you so totally know I’m right. This is going to be so big it’ll be like the love child of the Joker and Palin costumes from 2008. Small groups of dedicated but tasteless college students are even now rehearsing their choreographed Thriller [...]
Mimi Smartypants–author, national treasure, and blogger since the Taft Administration–has moved off Diaryland and onto her own domain: mimismartypants.com.
Ever since I set up the Infinite Summer website I have been in a Wordpress frenzy, and poor Mimi sort of got caught in the whirlwind. Having completed that redesign [...]
I love that Sarah Palin peppered her resignation speech with applause lines:
If I have learned one thing: LIFE is about choices!
And one chooses how to react to circumstances. You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a [...]
Allan, a friend of mine in college, was in a neverending battle with the folks who lived in the dorm room adjacent to his. I never knew the specific dispute, but it was probably noise-related--his room and theirs shared a wall through which sound passed unimpeded.
One evening I stopped by [...]
Allan, a friend of mine in college, was in a neverending battle with the folks who lived in the dorm room adjacent to his. I never knew the specific dispute, but it was probably noise-related–his room and theirs shared a wall through which sound passed unimpeded.
One evening I stopped by [...]
If you are in a gas station convenience mart at 1:00 in the afternoon, and woman enters wearing a terrycloth bathrobe and slippers, having left a 1989 Chevy Blazer idling five feet from the front doors, it's best not to position yourself between her and the cigarettes.
[...]If you are in a gas station convenience mart at 1:00 in the afternoon, and woman enters wearing a terrycloth bathrobe and slippers, having left a 1989 Chevy Blazer idling five feet from the front doors, it’s best not to position yourself between her and the cigarettes.
[...]My summer project (and yours): infinitesummer.org.
[...]Today in The Morning News, I have an essay about J.J.Abrams' new film: Autistic Trekdom. Contains no spoilers, by the way.
' [...]Today in The Morning News, I have an essay about J.J.Abrams’ new film: Autistic Trekdom. Contains no spoilers, by the way.
[...]Just for kicks I wrote a script for The Office. You can read the whole thing at http://www.defectiveyeti.com/theoffice/TheOffice-Personas.pdf.
I was inspired by two events, both of which took place in March. The first was an eight-hour Project Management seminar that I attended for work. At the end of the day [...]
Just for kicks I wrote a script for The Office. You can read the whole thing at http://www.defectiveyeti.com/theoffice/TheOffice-Personas.pdf.
I was inspired by two events, both of which took place in March. The first was an eight-hour Project Management seminar that I attended for work. At the end of the day [...]
Not a whole lot of activity, here at the yeti. Still, I'm keepin' myself busy:
I was quoted in a Washington Post article entitled Forget Germs. The Real Contagion Is Our Paranoia. I have a brief bit in the final few paragraphs. Man, I gave that reporter lots of good [...]Not a whole lot of activity, here at the yeti. Still, I’m keepin’ myself busy:
I was quoted in a Washington Post article entitled Forget Germs. The Real Contagion Is Our Paranoia. I have a brief bit in the final few paragraphs. Man, I gave that reporter lots of good [...]WASHINGTON D.C. - Cough! Cough cough! One sec. Cough! Cough cough! Ahem. Aherem. Okay.
The World Health Organization raised the H1N1 threat level from Phase 5 to Phase 11 this morning, indicating cough! Indicating that there are now documented cases of website-to-human transmission of the disease commonly known as "Swine" [...]
WASHINGTON D.C. - Cough! Cough cough! One sec. Cough! Cough cough! Ahem. Aherem. Okay.
The World Health Organization raised the H1N1 threat level from Phase 5 to Phase 11 this morning, indicating cough! Indicating that there are now documented cases of website-to-human transmission of the disease commonly known as "Swine Flu". [...]
Confessions of a Shopaholic: "If there is a single bright spot in the financial crisis, it is the possibility that one day producer Jerry Bruckheimer will run out of money." -- Jessica Reaves, CHICAGO TRIBUNE
Paul Blark: Mall Cop: "Looks like something stubbed out in an ashtray." - Wesley [...]
Confessions of a Shopaholic: “If there is a single bright spot in the financial crisis, it is the possibility that one day producer Jerry Bruckheimer will run out of money.” — Jessica Reaves, CHICAGO TRIBUNE
Paul Blark: Mall Cop: “Looks like something stubbed out in an ashtray.” – Wesley Morris, [...]
I neglected to do laundry over the weekend, and was down to the dregs of my wardrobe on Monday morning. But after reviewing my mental calendar I realized it didn't matter: I had no work meetings scheduled and would, in all likelihood, sail through my day without interacting with anyone.' [...]
Twenty years ago my high school produced a daily "Student Bulletin". These were distributed to all classrooms, and some anointed student would read the bulletin aloud to all assembled. Typical items in the bulletin included reminders of upcoming events, announcements of policy changes, and congradtulations to students for notable (and [...]
I had a bit too much to drink last night, and woke up this morning wearing socks. I never wear socks to bed.
But socks tell me that my blood alcohol concentration last night wasn't too high ... no more that 0.05, probably. In fact, on any given morning I' [...]
The Queen: And?
Me: And it's our wedding anniversary.
The Queen: Oops.You know, I'm just going to assume that the "Oops" was in reference to her forgetting the date and not to her original decision to get hitched.
In fact, I strongly suspect that such assumptions are how' [...]
Here are some upcoming dates and events that all citizens are required by law to know
Layer Tennis: A new season of Layer Tennis kicked off a few weeks ago, if I can mix my sports metaphors, and history suggests that I can. Last year, you may recall, I provided [...]
We spent the weekend in Portland. On the drive down we saw no less than four abandoned mattresses by the side of the road.
The Washington State Department of Transportation should gather these and put them all in a single location. Not only would this help to keep our highways clean, [...]
At The Morning News today I quantify and enumerate my favorite brand of film: movies during which you have no freakin' idea what the hell is going on.
Pretty much any list of this sort is going to provoke violent "this list is worthless without ______?!" reactions. (Ha! Halfway through' [...]
Q: Why did they call the candy "LifeSavers" instead of "Life Savers"? A: They didn't want two mints words. Jan 8th, 10:16 AM
Going [...]
The 2009 Create Your Own Oscar Pool Page is live.
If you notice anything amiss-bugs, broken links, wrong nominees, typos--mention it in the comments, or drop me a line at matthew@defectiveyeti.com.
[...]In the early hours of January 1st, 2000, my friend Jamie Babcock took his own life.
I'd known Jamie for at least 15 years, though I'm not sure exactly when we met. I do recall that, at some point, he was the "new kid" at my elementary school, where he [...]
My 2008 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers appears in The Morning News today.
[...]Little Drummer Boy
As infants rarely exhibit social response behavior until the sixth week of life, it is unlikely that Jesus was truly smiling at the little drummer boy. We now believe that the son of man was experiencing gas.
Frosty the Snowman
Due to trends in global climate change, [...]
They should remake Cloverfield, except set it in Seattle and have a quarter-inch of snow as the monster.
[...]The Federal Reserve today cut a key interest rate to zero, allowing borrowers to get money for nothing. In a related move, the Fed also set the short-term lending rate of chicks to free.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said the adjustments were necessary to avoid a deflationary spiral and [...]
Annual Call of Slacker Guide Items
I'm working on my annual Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers for The Morning News, and I'm looking for suggestions. So if you know of some stupid crap available for purchase on the intarweb, please mention it in the comments of this post or drop [...]
You know what's an appealing theme for a family game? Pirates. Or trains. Maybe exploring ancient pyramids or traveling through space. Maybe making a ton of money via real estate or stocks.
You know what's not an appealing theme? Epidemiologists conducting research to curb the spread of infectious diseases.
And yet [...]
Page reached: 229 of 298 (76.85%).
Status Report: Hi! What happened to me! You're probably bitterly disappointed in me because you think that I fell way behind on this whole NaNoReMo deal, given that's it's "ReMo" and not "ReYe" or "ReDe" or "ReCe". But you're wrong to think that, [...]
The official Good Gift Games Guide 2008 is available at The Morning News today. The games profiled are:
| Pandemic | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| Stone Age | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| Say Anything | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| TZAAR | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| Last Night on Earth | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| Dominion | [Funagain | Amazon] | ||||||||||||||||
| Sorry! Sliders | [Funagain [...]
The 2008 Good Gift Games GuideMy 2008 Good Gift Games Guide appears today in The Morning News. I'll list runner-ups here tomorrow. [...]Recent Tweets
NaNoReMo 2008: Lolita Part II, Chapters 1-5Page reached: 180 of 298 (60.40%).
Favorite passage: And suddenly the book becomes a satirical incitement of Americana and our rampant consumer culture. Well, I guess it wasn't that "sudden"--the whole point of dividing a novel into parts is to compartmentalize distict narrative arcs and motifs, I [...] defective yeti's Konsumer KornerTip! If your standing in line to purchase something at your local Shell station, and a woman suddenly enters the store who:
NaNoReMo 2008: Lolita Part I, Chapters 23-33Page reached: 142 of 298 (47.65%).
I [...] NaNoReMo 2008: Lolita Part I, Chapters 14-22Page reached: 97 of 298 (32.55%).
NaNoReMo 2008: Lolita Part I, Chapters 1-13Page reached: 62 of 298 (21.81%).
Misconception #1: Humbert Humbert is a stereotypical perv [...] Secret ServiceThe Bad Review RevueAn America Carol: "About as not-funny as a comedy can get." -- Steven Rea, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER The Women: "It's not every movie that makes you wish Vin Diesel would run in and start blowing up stuff ... " -- Rene Rodriguez, MIAMI HERALD My Best Friend's Girl: "An ugly, strictly-for-meatheads [...] NaNoReMo 2008: Running BehindSorry, I am already behind on NanoReMo 2008, because I opted to read the whole 70 page (!) introduction to my Annotated Lolita. Will post three times next week to get caught up. [...]Books: TwilightWarning: spoilers ahoy. I can't believe I read the whole thing. The Queen is also unable to believe I read the whole thing. She reacts to bad literature the way most do to curdled milk, spitting it out the moment she realizes what she is imbibing. And so, 30 pages into [...] ObamaDodged a bullet on that electorial prediction, though. That would have been a lot of beer. At one point during the night Obama was actually at 292, and I was all, like, "Oh shit, you gotta win another state. Any state dude, even one no one cares [...] Halloween Post MortemWe had a lot of fun this Halloween. The Queen, Squiggle and I engaged in all the traditional Halloweenie activities. We visited a pumpkin patch: 
And we got stuck in the photo hole:  [...] NaNoReMo 2008: Lolita SyllabusHere we go, the 2008 NaNoReMo reading syllabus:
I'll be reading the [...] The RoommateSally was in her first semester away at college. Classes had been difficult and midterms were fast approaching. After going out on a date with her boyfriend, she dropped by her dorm room to pick up her books before heading over to his apartment for the night. Knowing her roommate [...] Catting AroundI saw a yarn spool by the side of the road during my bike ride this morning. I wonder how it got there. I like imagine a bunch of calicoes in a pickup, living it up on a Saturday night, throwing their empties out the window. [...]NaNoReMo08: Lolita It Is!Well, I was going to dust off my voting script from last year and let y'all weigh in on the NaNoReMo08 selection, but, in the comments on the last thread, Lolita kinda ran away with it. Pick up a copy Recent Tweets
NaNoReMo 2008: Nominations Are OpenMail call! Hi, I'm curious if you'll be hosting a NaNoReMo 2008? I understand if you're not, considering it's only 4.5 days till Nov. 1st and there has been no discussion of it on your blog {not that i found anyway}. If you are and if there was a horrible oversight [...] Recent Tweets
Presidental Debate LivebloggingI was mulling over the debate during my commute home from work, and started to marvel over just how bad things are for John McCain tonight. Just about every major factor is working against him:
Presidental Debate LivebloggingRound II: 6:00: Aww rats. Obama and McCain just came out wearing their normal attire. After the "I've got a bracelet" / "oh yeah, well I also have a bracelet" exchange of the first debate, I was hoping they'd arrived encumbered by layers and layers, and would spend the whole debate [...] My New Website!Biden-Palin Debate LivebloggingOh boy, the Biden-Palin trainwreck! I haven't been this giddy since the premiere of Temptation Island 2!! Here's a preview of what we can expect: Annnnnd we're off. 6:02: During the opening handshake, Palin says "Can I call you Joe?" A reference to Obama "arrogantly" calling McCain "John" throughout the first debate? LET [...] Presidential Debate FAILbloggingI had honestly intended to liveblog last Friday's presidential debate. I even wrote this introduction: Two weeks ago, when McCain fortunes were riding high, people kept asking me why I was so confident that Obama would still win the election. My answer was a single word: the debates. Well, okay: it [...] Recent Tweets
The Bad Review RevueCollege: "The film hasn't been made so much as excreted. " -- Wesley Morris, BOSTON GLOBE Disaster Movie: "This carpet-fouling mongrel of a movie no more deserves release than do anthrax spores." -- Jim Ridley, LA WEEKLY Babylon A.D.: "An abysmal French thriller in which everyone speaks as if they've [...] Halloween Gaming, Part III: Miscellaneous MalevolenceArkahm Horror: Call of Cthulhu, the board game. A massive game in almost every respect (scope, game length, pages of rules, price tag...), this cooperative game has all the players working as a team to stop an Ancient One from destroying the world. Highly recommended for those who love [...] Halloween Gaming, Part II: Vampires and WitchesFury of Dracula: Oh man, so fun. This is my go-to title for Halloween frivolity. See my full review here. * * *Dracula: A two-player game, with one person as the Count and the other as Dr. van Helsing. Each is searching London for their target cards (Dracula [...] October Surprise 2008 PredictionsHalloween Gaming, Part I: Zombie GamesAside from the "holiday season" (Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanza / New Year's Eve Revelry / New Year's Day "oh god why did I drink the whole bottle of Cantaloupe Schnapps??" Celebration / etc.), no time of year is better suited for board gaming than Halloween. And, for years I [...] Recent Tweets
CorrectionToday at the playground, Matthew Baldwin reported to a young girl that she was "very good at the monkey bars". It was subsequently announced by the subject that she is, in fact, "the best" at the monkey bars. Matthew Baldwin regrets the error. [...]Republican National Convention LiveRetrobloggingI'd intended to liveblog some of the RNC Convention speeches as I had done for those of the Obamas and Hillary Clinton. But, owing to various causes, I was never in front of my laptop when the speakers were on the stage. The good news is that I heard most [...] Recent Tweets
Impluse PurchaseJust a quick note regarding McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate. This may have seemed like a good idea on paper--appeal to disgruntled Hillary voters, add a "change" component to the McCain platform, etc.--but I'm betting it's going to backfire big time. As many have pointed out, Palin [...] Democratic Convention Liveblogging: Barack ObamaLongtime readers of this blog know I have been in the tank for Obama for a while. In Hypothetical World my candidates were Gore and then Dodd, but among the feasible candidates there was really no question who I supported. Hillary I like, and think she would have made a [...] VOTE McCAINMcCain's Prickly TIME Interview: There's a theme that recurs in your books and your speeches, both about putting country first but also about honor. I wonder if you could define honor for us? Democratic Convention Liveblogging: Hillary ClintonTypo week continues here at dy, as I liveblog Hillary Clinton's speech. 6:55: Hmm, Mark Warner is still speaking. He just told a convoluted story that ended with "and that's how I wound up at the gymnasium of a high school." Right. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the [...] Blog Info:
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and report back Monday for 