And now for something completely different and not-so depressing.
From the words of my husband, "are you really making fun of my daughter?"
"No baby, I just think her answer is funny."
You be the judge.
I would have given anything to see Celia's teacher's face upon reading Celia's answer about [...]
I should be happy with the end of my maturational years resulting in three, two beautiful children in our midst but sadly, I am not. I have three, two relatively healthy and happy children. Children I would give life and limb for their lives, health and subsequent happiness. Children I truly feel grateful [...]
The results are in. We went with trashy or should I say, I went with trashy. I am pre-TrimSpa Anna Nicole Smith with her husband, J. Howard Marshall. Well, I think his name was this. Screw googling it to see if I'm correct.
It's that time of year again. The time of year of hounding/hoarding costumes, goblins and ghouls. and no, I'm not trying to figure out what the children will be for Halloween but what WE are going to be for Halloween because seriously, what's more important? Okay, okay, the kids are' [...]
In the bible, the seventh day is supposed to represent a day of rest. In my case, the Sabbath or otherwise in numerical order of events, represents my inability to follow through to wishes, wants,expectations and desires. Going to church, staying off my meds, staying sane....
It seems on the seventh [...]
This new song from my favorite band - EVER!- pretty much sums up my state of mind these days and well as the state of my left rear tire in which I have to refill the mother-of-pearl thing every other day.
Damn those wheels of life and uncooperative vehicles.
you scream at the top of your lungs while flipping off the T.V. Subsequently, waking up your children from their peaceful slumber due to your lusty bag of eye-candy being kicked off a stupid reality T.V. show. Worse yet? When you cry, yes, actual tears when the whiny ass, ho-bag you [...]
I am very reluctant in writing this post as I will probably gather all sorts of crazy, stupid-ass comments as I am won't to do but I am going to spout forth this shit anyway. Just because but beware, I will go ape-shit on your ass if you accuse me of being' [...]
Guess who has the personality of a wallflower?
It so wouldn't be Moira. Okay, so I totally lied....Mordecai took over the spotlight the other evening when it came to singing a song from "Spongebob Squarepants" during our (being the ADULT) "Rock-Band" edge-fest.
I really don't know where she gets her outgoing personality from [...]
I'm technologically un-advanced. In a serious, monetary fashion.
I/we purchased a new laptop the first of April (pre-death and it's calamity) but have yet to completely implement it's use since I can't seem to remember my main email's password. So, yes, I've paid for a pretty, rad, red, useless, energy sucker in which I can't use [...]
The Gorillabuns household went on a vacation.
A vacation indeed. A three day tour to be exact with friends who met up with us from the East coast.
Between here and Kansas City, Kansas, the first leg was full of drama, whiskey-fox-trots and well, more drama. [...]
I've been around too many babies as of late. Like WAY TOO MANY BABIES! So much so that I came home Thursday evening quoting my favorite movie of all time to my husband, "H.I. They've got themselves too many babies. I want me a baby! Go get me a baby!" [...]
Thank you EVERYONE for the kind support and help with our jacked up car and well, supporting me during the great June bug attack of 2009. After a rousing round of Rock Band, cocktails, many hours dating an auto dealership - we traded in our rough, abusive bad boy for a [...]
A list of truly random shit a-happenin' in these neck of the woods for your reading pleasure:
a) My car broke down in 106 degree weather with both kids in attendance on Wednesday. As you can only imagine, I danced a super kick-ass jig and thought only happy thoughts. A big' [...]
THIS, I REPEAT THIS! is NOT what you give someone who has lost their baby recently.
A fucking baby blanket.
A baby blanket that has no meaning to you since you don't have any memories associated with it and your dead child.
I know the intent was meant well' [...]
I must confess. I failed to share ALL my details of my Vegas trip with you folks. While 99.9% of the trip was wonderful and made me feel like a magical princess in another land; Monday morning made me feel like I was once again in the "Land of the Lost" [...]
The other evening, my Uncle in California and I were emailing back and forth about the injustices and oddities of death and the like. He linked an article about a woman being struck by lightening and killed while someone else's family was hit by a tree and killed during the [...]
As you very well know or might not know, I was whisked away to Las Vegas this past weekend to hook up with a few fellow bloggers that I prefer to call friends instead of virtual acquaintances.
While I was quite apprehensive these ladies might not like me, think I'm a total' [...]
Everyone who meets me always says I have quite a problem with feelings of guilt. I feel guilty when people are nice to me or when they give me gifts or even say, "gee, your hair looks pretty today." I'm not quite sure where and when I decided I was unworthy of kindness but somewhere along' [...]
Guess what? You are in for a treat. I'm not going to post anything sappy, sad and depressing. I've decided, you/me/we can't handle anymore of my sadness at this point (well, at least today anyway). Wait, maybe, it's ME that can't handle anymore of my deep and soul pouring thoughts [...]
It is 11pm and I'm on my computer, lamenting why I don't have a mixer for my vodka. A trivial crisis in the scheme of things. While pondering on the complexities of my silly life, I received an email from a good friend. A friend of her's lost her one [...]
Many of you have asked how my girls are handling this tragedy. I would like to say they are handling it like perfectly normal little champs. No issues here. Let's talk about Barbies and boys. For the most part, they are doing a pretty good job in their dealings considering [...]
I can hardly believe my oldest child will be six-years-old tomorrow. It seems like just yesterday, I semi-birthed her and lived a year of colic, screaming and spit-up, tied-up with a bow of love, sensitivity and absolute awe off our first offspring.
She FINALLY lost her first tooth [...]
Once upon a time, there was this girl who worked at a Drug Store through High School so she could afford to purchase material items like, clothes, makeup, gas for her car, lunch, her Senior Ring and Graduation announcements and sometimes, necessities for the home. This girl learned how to balance a check book in 5th grade because well, to put it [...]
When faced with tragedy, be it a car wreck or other nonsensical crazy situations, people always seem to say, "time seems to move in slow motion."I have to say, I've been in quite a few car accidents (none my fault, alright?) and I can attest to the feeling of my' [...]
Hi there! There is definitely some good news a brewin' from Ground Zero!
See the kid on the left? The one who is hopped up on the 'roids? The one who wholeheartedly finished a plate of food for the first time in her life today? Well, she [...]
Since we last set our eyes on each other, I had a daughter that almost had a nervous breakdown in front of God, classmates and her parents, found the elusive three weeks of clean socks hidden in the deep recesses of my couch (score!), received my new computer but have yet [...]
We received this letter in the mail last week. At first I was going to throw it away along with all the scads of unwanted mail we receive daily but on second thought, took a closer look at it's content.
Just how did we end up on the receiving [...]
By looking at this picture, one might be thinking I left my newest offspring alone to fend for himself from his sisters. You would be completely wrong if this was your thought. This careful staging is the fine work of a bored father.
This little dude [...]
Rich has been out and about searching for a new sweet ride. It seems his nine-year-old piece of cow dung is going to finally give up on him - any day now. Quite honestly, I think he's totally a whiner about the fact his car's air-conditioner doesn't work and don't understand [...]
Once upon a time, mama Gorillabuns went out with a friend to tamely celebrate St. Patrick's Day - my most favorite day of the year. Lest I remind you of this fact time and time again? This happened to be a time when I wasn't married, didn't have kids and [...]
i may or may not be taking this baby into a bar today. wish me luck!
here's hoping your poo doesn't freak you out tomorrow morning from all the green beer!
' [...]Once upon a time, I used to be a professional adult. I would wake up, take a shower and *gasp* wash my hair, spackle my face and don on the high heels. "I was woman, hear me roar!" "I brought home the bacon and well, at the time it was probably fake bacon" [...]
Based on Moira's pose in her newest school picture,
it startlingly looks like someone is beginning to believe her hype.
[...]Some have asked if I have any hobbies to occupy myself during moments of boredom. Who these elusive somes are will remain a mystery but let's just say, there are a few people out there that think I don't do anything constructive with my time. They may be right but' [...]
in which I get all depressed and maudlin about my age, my body, my life and what the hell I'm going to do with myself when I grow up. Sadly, I haven't figured out the answers to any of these questions and am beginning think I never will.
>
Along with the [...]
A very important thing I have learned in my soon-to-be 40 years of life:
It is never a good idea to go to a bar/club when this shit is on the wall.
or where they play music from the days of Peter Pan collars and bell bottom disasters.
You [...]
Would the keep please learn to hold their heads over their feedbags in a more efficient matter, please?
Effective immediately!
Signed,
The Management
[...]then take a gander at the following:
can you say colic? let's not. i don't want to believe it to be true.
we're "praying" for sleep.....
and then bugging him when he finally dozes.
' [...]
Have you ever stalked someone you've read on the Internet? You know, load page after page load for 10 hours straight of their very witty and hilarious writing while wishing they were your new best friend? Totally ignoring the fact they may live 5000 miles away because you just KNOW you two [...]
I didn't get to go all Michael Jackson crazy and relax in a hyperbaric chamber last week as previously reported. It seems my wound is/was funky enough to dig in and torture me with but just not hardcore funky enough to experiment on. I do have to admit, I'm quite [...]
I'll begin with the good news first. The little dude is doing wonderfully well. He sleeps 23.5 hours a day and eats like a champ. As of Monday, he was within an ounce of his birth weight - 6lbs, 2 oz. I've started thinking there is something horribly wrong with him [...]
and we have a child.
I mean a boy.
6lbs., 2 oz., 19.5 inches -
Thalon Bruce Gorillabuns
(Thalon - Rich's middle name & Bruce - my grandfather's name which also would have celebrated his 82nd birthday today.)
[...]we are going to have a new baby. I refuse to believe it will be before then as I've been having contractions and these contractions are just not part of my birth plan. Doesn't this child know I still need to find or buy it's car seat, get a pedicure, wrap [...]
My husband surprised me with a cheap and thrilling gift Friday night after I had been crying futile tears of can see no more proportions.
Something tells me he wishes I would return to my regularly scheduled programming very soon.
This little cupcake is turning FOUR YEARS OLD tomorrow.
While my [...]
While speaking to another pregnant friend, I relayed my feelings about our soon-to-be arriving child.
"I don't care what the sex is just as long as it's healthy."
"It would be a pure bonus if it had "two working parts". Though, I might have to sue Red Bull for damages incurred before actually knowing I was [...]
*Never go hunting and pecking for your Christmas tree at night. You just might end up with a crooked Charlie Brown tree (Let us not discuss how much I hate cutting down a live tree and how they scream when doing so but our damn pre-lit tree officially blew the coup [...]
Yesterday, I finally received the second part of my gift from Monday's virtual baby shower. For all intents and purposes, the gift did arrive on time but sadly, my mailman is made-up of 98% parts lazy slug-ass with the remaining 2% parts going to the I-don't-give-a-shit persuasion. So yea, I [...]
I woke up this morning thinking this morning was going to be like every mind numbing morning in my existence. I woke up before my alarm clock went off, before the kids started screaming for chocolate milk, before my bi-weekly hair cleansing ritual to huddle in a dark room to quickly grab the [...]
After suffering another long and arduous ultrasound yesterday, the results are: I have onehuge kid who is still quite fuzzy in nature. Meaning, the head is break-dancing on my bladder and nuzzling my kidneys hence, no face to look at and also, it's going to have a crap-load of hair. We [...]
Sadly, I've been diagnosed with a nasty disease as of late. This disease is all consuming and well, just plain evil. It's aptly named, "Iwantitis."
Symptoms include:
Unreasonable starting a fight with your husband because your sister-in-law (yes, you know the one - "name stealer") received a shiny new camera for [...]
Did you carefully read the title? Actually, did you happen to notice the number within the title? While this MAY OR MAY NOT BE my chronological age, this number happens to be representative of how many days I have left in my pregnancy before I shoot forth a brand-spanking new human being into our [...]
A nameless member of Rich's family is pregnant with her first child. She is due AFTER me on January 20, 2009. Calculations people? Over two months from now. Because her pregnancy is by far the worst in humankind (screw you Jon and Kate - you don't know nothing about a singular birth) and because [...]
*Marie Antoinette, 1/2 assed Ariel who doesn't co-operate, Scarlett O'Hara, Whore-like Ariel.*
You think I jest about the last description?
Alright, I'll revise the description - 50's pinup Ariel.
[...]I know what you are thinking - you've officially lost your mind. How could anyone miss being pregnant? Especially you of all people? and by the way, you are STILL pregnant!
Believe it or not, I will miss certain aspects of pregnancy from growing another being in my canaverous holding cell.
* I will [...]
After dissecting our 4-D ultrasound from yesterday's office visit, Rich has come to the odd conclusion, this child in my slightly safe haven, is not his kid.
What? Why you say such crazy things? It has everything to do with the nose:
I would love to tell you all about my un-perfect (shut-up, I like this word) five-year-old and how she's not up to par with her six-year-old classmates (based on a parent-teacher conference) but instead, I've decided to be done with comparing her to kids that should be in first grade in the first place.
So [...]
Since school started for the kids some eight weeks ago, we have found ourselves suddenly bombarded with weekly birthday party invitations. At times, we are double-booked as well as even triple-booked. How does this happen at the Kindergarten and pre-school level? Man, I remember having two birthday parties my whole life! One [...]
It seems after visiting with my OB doctor yesterday, the results are finally in. I am indeed very pregnant. Sadly, I thought being is major denial about such a condition bought me a month or two more in preparation or let's face, non-preparation for the impending visit from our newest Gorillabun.
After paying the doctor [...]
Someone should inform this pregnant idiot that:
'ho shoes + house of pain + 30 rounds of appetizers + sir mix-a-lot + glittery Lorac eyeliner + envy of everyone drinking from an open bar BUT her + hormonal curly hair =
she's indeed, pregnant.
[...]Thank you all for your kind and supportive comments about the state of our health care and well, my craptastic situation. I know I'm not alone in robbing Peter to pay Paul and could have it FAR worse but like most, I'm very self-centered in my dilemma. I'm sure there is [...]
I'm due to have another gorillabun. Well, really less than 108 days, more like 94. Thank ye, good 'ol c-section (I have have to have one, no if's and's or but's) and the desire to have an end of the year deduction and insurance deductible formality met.
In 39 days (69 [...]
While trying to scavenge for an item that has something to do with money for Celia's show-and-share at school tomorrow, I came across this little gem from my travels to Washington, D.C. one Summer.
It's becoming increasingly hard to remember what sixteen felt like. I remember having a [...]
You see him out of the corner of your eye. His large looming presence is one that neither you or him will acknowledge standing in the room. You continue to uncomfortably chatter with your family while measuring the portions of food barely crossing your lips. Heart rate speeds up, gut [...]
Lately, in order to get my children to stop their fighting and whining while driving around in our little family tank, I will slyly turn a Mexican radio station on full-blast to stun my little terrorists. They stop, listen and look around to see if anyone else in the free [...]
I have come to the sad conclusion that I am a very unyielding person. Remember the post I just wrote about coming to my house unexpectedly? I do believe I established the fact I don't like surprise visits or basically, surprises of any kind (except my unborn fetus).
I bring [...]
The other evening, after popping open a can of baked beans and grilling burgers for my brood, I decided my pants were simply too tight after such a hearty feast. I walked into my bedroom to take off my pre-pregnancy pants (I know, don't say it. Why do I proceed [...]
I went to the store today as I am nary to do every other day, when a lady in the check-out line, who happened to be standing too close to my personal circle of death, asked me, "excuse me, are you pregnant?" I turned, cocked my head and pressed my [...]
If you've been wondering why I've been il communicado and just plain blah as of late, take a gander at the above photo for your answer. The rain in the background is a perfect backdrop as to how I feel about my little girl is starting [...]
The phrase, "just you wait," should be black-listed from all adult conversation. I find this statement, when used in conversations directed towards me, shows such superiority of one's life being far and away worse than yours will ever be. While I understand it IS human nature to think you are [...]
Have I shared with you, the oddity otherwise known as Moira's tongue?
Her tongue doesn't stick out any further than this. I know it's strange and it kinda freaks me out at times but seriously, her tongue is literally tongue-tied and twisted to the bottom [...]
I was deleting whipping through old posts this morning with amazing speed and suddenly realized, as of June, I've been posting my online drivel for three years. THREE YEARS!!! At the time of conception, Moira was six months old, my dear sweet grandmother (insert genuflecting here) had just passed away, [...]
Weight Watchers Online makes it easy to come back because it's [...]
to see or not to see, that is the question
Number of comments: 26
Have I mentioned we are NOT going to find out the sex of this little jalapeno pepper? We chose not to find out with the other two so why not go for the the trifecta in complete pregnancy darkness. I personally hate surprises but love not knowing if I can [...] third times a charm
Number of comments: 16
One would think by now, I would know what to expect, when expecting. For some unholy reason, I have seemingly forgotten all about the pregnancy process - twice over. Now that my memory seems to be returning slowly but surely, I'm coming to the conclusion: This pregnancy is pretty much [...] i'd leave my husband for himcrazy
Number of comments: 16
Let me first preface this post by saying, most of the time, I'm a pretty nice person. Friendly to all and slightly easy-going... well, until I was fertilized with this thing aptly known as, "the downfall of my existence." Now? I'm a balls to the wall, crazy-assed psycho. I don't [...] family blind item #1
Number of comments: 14
What family member (by family member, I mean Rich's family) asked ME to babysit his second ex-wife's 97-year-old Alzheimer-ridden mother for a few hours so he could attend his on-again, off-again lover's ex-husband's funeral. The husband in which she was married to for 45 years but left him for this [...] the usual
Number of comments: 15
This past holiday weekend was filled with the typical fanfare of what one would expect from the 4th of July: boring-ass parades (oh, GOD!!! How I HATE PARADES!!!),
red, white and blue outfits, hot dogs, hamburgers, the smell of rank onions permeating my brain for days, hot [...] sanity
Number of comments: 14
Well, I survived Vacation Bible School. Funny enough, the kids did too. Minus my one mini-meltdown due to a massive peeing incident on the last day, all in all, I would consider the week a success (no one died). In the end, I think Mason ended up having sort of [...] there really IS a reason why i'm getting fatter
Number of comments: 27
In other news, as far as [...] i have a confession to make
Number of comments: 18
After reading a few old posts this past week, I realized most (99%) of my posts pre I.C. (immaculate conception) were posted while drinking a cocktail or two (or more). While these old posts are not literary masterpieces (most of my ramblings are not), I found myself thinking they were [...] who ya gonna call?
Number of comments: 12
Celia has always been an apprehensive child. When she was younger, she would shy away from newcomers, cry when overstimulated, cry when she had a stomach ache, and cry if her dad left her sight. She's always been real big on crying and yelling. Ask anyone who attended a playgroup [...] the solution
Number of comments: 14
I have finally figured out how to get my youngest to dump a deuce in the bowl. Screw M&M's and scoff at stickers! What we have here is a larger than life reward system:
I knew my years of hoarding these babies would come in handy. What? Does [...] do you know what I would like to read?
Number of comments: 24
I would like to read posts and blogs from REAL PEOPLE. Real people whose children aren't perfect geniuses. People, who aren't perfect themselves. The early reading, early potty-trained, perfect geniuses bore me. I want blunt, honest and raw posts about how the writer is losing their ever-loving mind over their [...] you know you are in trouble when
Number of comments: 10
your husband is "propositioned" in lieu of payment for a real estate re-finance appraisal. I wonder if this tactic will work for my bills? I would totally offer sexual favors if it would erase a bill or two from our debt portfolio. [...]glowing like a glow worm
Number of comments: 17
Most of my life, I've had decent skin. I wish I could say the same about my body but that alas, is another thought/subject entirely. I credit my good skin to my mother who started me on a skin care regimen at 13. At age 18, I started using eye [...] creamy
Number of comments: 14
Seriously, do you think 5lbs will satisfy this craving? This pregnancy gig is just plain messed-up. [...]i'm being punishedsalvation army
Number of comments: 31
Sometime during the last week of Celia's school, a mother of Celia's classmate (of which I have had maybe three conversations with during the school year), asked me a strange and slightly awkward question. "I have some clothes I'm going to donate since I've lost weight and I thought maybe [...] nine weekstoday, i would have received my 30 day chip
Number of comments: 20
I'm guessing I'm still pregnant since the doctor's office hasn't called me back after yesterday's uneventful appointment. Actually, if I had any sense at all, I should have forgone the damn meeting and spent the time hidden in a corner at the local bookstore. Time spent there would have been [...] elbow
Number of comments: 12
Well, if you are expecting some spectacular update about my burgeoning girth - wait in line. It seems I'm a complete dumb-ass and showed up to my OB appointment early. Something like four days early. I SWEAR they told me today. I don't just make up random appointments out of [...] driving sideways
Number of comments: 7
I'm on my way to Barnes and Noble to pick up a brand spankin' new copy of a fellow blogger's debut book, "Driving Sideways." I'm doing this because a) Summer is almost here and I need something to read while baking my little pinto bean in the backyard - [...] don't tell me i'm the only one who saves these
Number of comments: 16
5 dresses
Number of comments: 15
Rich rented "27 dresses" last night for my lazy and bloated viewing pleasure. Actually, I requested him to find the movie and to not return until he had it firmly embedded in his hot little hand. For some ungodly reason, I was in the mood for a chick-flick. Be [...] I miss my nightly cocktails
Number of comments: 15
Everyday - all day - I run to the bathroom to make sure everything is status quo. Everything being, am I still pregnant? As prior pregnancies go, I am directly on pace to being the slightly neurotic old self by carrying around feminine hygiene products for unexpected issues. I have [...] The fifth day of the fifth month of your fifth year
Number of comments: 14
Five years ago today, I was beached on a hospital bed awaiting your arrival. Several unsuccessful attempts to bring you into this world, failed. Quite honestly, my body failed. It failed to blast you out of the mine of comfort and warmth but these doctors knew how to fix the [...] Blog Info:
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