In this week's edition, the What Have We Learned team watches the Phillies-Brewers game while composing jokes about Sarah Palin, the coming economic Apocalypse and John McCain's brother, who may be named Bluto, or Zeppo. We're not sure.
We also make a heartfelt appeal to McCain to resist calls from conservatives [...]
Just in time for Thursday night's vice presidential debate, here's Palin Bingo.
Fun for the whole family.
And remember, join me Thursday night as I liveblog the debate -- live from my basement.
A little music as we head into this weekend and our leaders in Washington try to stave off an economic apocalypse.
Have a nice weekend!
[...]Watch as Sarah Palin recites talking points in response to a question about the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street.
Apparently, handing $700 billion over to Wall Street has something to do with health care. It's not exactly clear. She's saying words, but they don't seem to be connected to each [...]
In her momentous interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sarah Palin reiterated her foreign policy credentials, repeating the talking point that Alaska borders Russia.
She added that Alaska also shares a border with Canada.
She's got a point. In her two years as governor of Alaska, Canada hasn't invaded Alaska.
OK, follow this.
On Sept. 6, Penn State beat Oregon State, 45-14.
Last night, Oregon State beat consensus No. 1 USC, 27-21.
The Beavers took it to the Trojans. It wasn't a fluke game.
So, Penn State's No. 1.
And is really bad news for Ohio State. Follow me here: Penn State beat Oregon State [...]
No wonder they try to keep her away from reporters.
Here's the transcript of her encounter with reporters after touring Ground Zero in New York:
CNN: On the topic of never letting this happen again, do you agree with the way the Bush administration has handled the war on terrorism, is there [...]
In this segment of her interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sarah Palin explains that Alaska is close to Russia and Canada so she has foreign policy experience.
As one commenter said, it's hard to tell the difference between this and a Saturday Night Live skit. It's very funny.
Kinda scary too.
[...]
You're probably wondering, where did the experts in charge of all of the Wall Street bailout come up with the $700 billion figure. Why not $500 billion? Or a trillion?
Forbes.com asked the Treasury Department and got this answer:
"It's not based on any particular data point. We just wanted to [...]
This week, the What Have We Learned team, less an absent Tom, tackles the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street that you may have heard about. That and a bonus Sarah Palin joke. Sarah Palin, the gift that keeps giving...
[...]In this episode, the What Have We Learned team discusses Sarah Palin and teen pregnancy.
And maybe some other things.
[...]
John McCain has picked first-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. Palin is 44, 28 years younger than McCain.
As one commenter of the snarky Web site Wonkette said, "It's not the first time McCain has chosen to go with a younger woman."
Zing!
This week, a shorthanded What Have We Learned Team tears through a couple of jokes as quickly as possible to get to the long weekend.
We make fun of John McCain, Penn State football and Intercourse, the town.
This week, we lament the fact that nobody entered our contest from last week. We even offered fabulous prizes, like, um, stuff and things.
So the contest died and will never be mentioned ever again. OK, we admit it was kind of a lame idea.
This week, though, we have a whole [...]
Introducing Miketerol. For whatever ails you.
[...]U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey announced today that our local-girl-made-good Monica Goodling would not be charged with breaking the law, even though, he said, she did.
The attorney general, the highest ranking law enforcement officer in the land said this:
"Not every wrong, or even every violation of the law, is a [...]
The Washington Post ran a story about phobias Monday that began:
"There are plenty of people who coast across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge without even a flicker of anxiety, never giving a thought to any greater calamity than whether they forgot the sunscreen or made an error in [...]
So many people of a certain age only know Isaac Hayes as Chef from "South Park."
The man was a great composer and influential musician.
To honor Mr. Hayes, check this out. Maximum funk.
News that John Edwards admitted having an affair has been a huge story the past couple of days.
One woman I know asked, "What kind of idiot would do something like that?"
And by "something like that," I think she meant cheat on a spouse who was battling a life-threatening disease.
Well, let's [...]
Excellent Paul Krugman column from the New York Times yesterday. It begins:
"So the G.O.P. has found its issue for the 2008 election. For the next three months the party plans to keep chanting: "Drill here! Drill now! Drill here! Drill now! Four legs good, two legs bad!" O.K., I added [...]
Here's the animated version if this very funny comic strip. Josh Groban said what about Obama?
[...]In this week's episode, we compile various jokes about John McCain's campaign stop at Sturgis. That and a contest to name the next York City Police operation!
We here at "What Have We Learned" maintain a great respect for the fine men and women of the York City Police. They [...]
Paris Hilton, currently starring in John McCain's bizarre "Celebrity" ad, has responded. She refers to McCain as "that wrinkly, white-haired guy."
Watch it here:
See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die
[...]In this week's edition of What Have We Learned, we make fun of Larry the Cable Guy, beauty pageants and the poor guy who allegedly mugged York County prosecutor Bill Graff.
The set-up for the beauty pageant joke is:
Harrisburg activist Gene Stilp staged a "Miss Legislative Reform" mock beauty pageant in [...]
The Baltimore Symphony will perform Dead Symphony No. 6, the first orchestral work inspired by the music of the Grateful Dead, the Associated Press reported.
It's about a half-hour of pointless noodling, I think.
And it gets weirder.
The night after that show, the symphony is going to perform works by Led [...]
On Thursday, Barack Obama delivers a speech to a couple hundred thousand people in Berlin.
John McCain, meanwhile, was campaigning at Schmidt's Sausage Haus in some town in Ohio.
Satire is dead.
I couldn't find a video of President Dubya telling the pope, "Awesome speech," as mentioned in my Monday column.
Oh well.
But here is Smiley Virus and some other girl talking about Jesus. Skip ahead to the 6:15 mark for the funny part.
Jesus rawks!
Great video of an escaped chimp in Japan.
I liked the part where the chimp steals the zookeeper's gun.
Life imitates Lancelot Link.
It's not the title of Tom Waits' new record. It's this week's edition of What Have We Learned, a short episode because Jeff's on vacation and...well, that's our excuse and we're sticking to it.
In this week's edition, we talk about cadavers working for NASA, space zombies and Wall Street getting [...]
At least we have a park.
Now that the jury has decided that it's going to cost us -- the taxpayers -- a lot more money, at least $10 million more, for Highpoint, the county has to figure out how to pay for it.
Of course, the commissioners are going to have [...]
In this week's episode, we try to make nice with the horseshoe guys, who were apparently upset with Tom about a joke about them last week.
It doesn't go well. We'll never learn.
That and wisecracks about horse pain killer, Ralph Nader and Stephen Hawking.
[...]
This is state Rep. Sean Ramaley, D-Beaver.
Beaver is where he's from, not his nickname.
The Beav was among those indicted today in the House bonus scandal that's been going on since, well, apparently, since the Beav's birth.
The state Attorney General accused the Beav of holding a "no-work [...]
This report came to us here at the York Daily Record from state police:
"Pennsylvania State Police are informing York County residents of a possible scam involving people going door-to-door saying they are collecting money for a fundraiser.
"About 5 p.m. Thursday, two white males in their early 20s went to several [...]
This week's edition is our special third anniversary episode. It may or may not be our third anniversary, but it's time for our anniversary joke. So we figure, it's close enough.
What's the gift again for third anniversaries? We're thinking liquor and beer.
[...]Here is the Rev. Fred Phelps on the passing of comedy great George Carlin.
I think Carlin would have been pretty amused by it. Phelps always cracks me up. That mixture of craziness and rage is hard to top.
To honor America, Jimi Hendrix.
[...]Let's celebrate by blowing up some mannequins!
Have a safe one and remember, keep fireworks away from small children, pets and mannequins!
[...]Yes, we swore we wouldn't do it again, but we just can't help ourselves. By we, of course, I mean Tom. That's Tom Joyce. We're sorry, but we just can't resist Village People jokes.
That and a whole lot more about Mayor Brenner's "retirement" and Brooks' honor in this week's episode.
[...]
This story appeared in the York Daily Record Web site:
"For one night only, the National Museum of Civil War Medicine in Frederick will be displaying a rare original Civil-War-era contraceptive device. This artifact has never previously been displayed at the museum.
The 19th-century condom will be displayed Thursday during a 7:30 [...]
That's the video of a woman who died in the waiting room at an emergency psych ward at a Brooklyn hospital while the staff ignored her.
This morning, watching the news, the crawl reported that the hospital was planning "significant reforms" to prevent such things in the future.
You need "significant reforms" [...]
The New York Times reports that the soil on Mars could support plant life. The story leads with this paragraph:
"Stick an asparagus plant in a pot full of Martian soil, and the asparagus might grow happily, scientists announced Thursday."
Mmmmmmm...Martian asparagus...
Read the whole story here.
So there are signs of life [...]
By definition, an activist judge is one who issues a decision that you disagree with.
While I may not disagree with some aspects of the landmark decision in the Supreme Court case of District of Columbia vs. Heller -- I think it was proper to strike down the ban, but went [...]
Ira Tucker, the lead singer with the gospel group, the Dixie Hummingbirds, has passed away at his home in Philadelphia. He was 83.
The Hummingbirds were best known to a generation of music fans as the group that backed up Paul Simon on "Loves Me Like a Rock. [...]
This is from McClatchy Newspapers:
"Mohammed Akhtiar was among the more than 770 terrorism suspects imprisoned at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. They are the men the Bush administration described as "the worst of the worst."
"But Akhtiar was no terrorist. American [...]
Tom's on vacation this week and we have to take care of his apartment. Tom, sorry about the cat. It was an accident.
That and Scarlett Johansson sings Tom Waits. You have to see it to believe it. Seriously.
Here's a video of Scarlett singing [...]
In this week's episode, we learn things about Chinese food. Or maybe not. And we discuss ShotSpotters, Ron Paul and feral hogs. Not in that order.
[...]Bo Diddley has died.
The rock'n'roll legend was 79.
Here's one of my favorite tunes of his, Road Runner, from a live performance in 1972.
[...]Turn that frown upside down with GOPEXOR!
NEWS ITEM: House Republicans, stinging from losses in previously safe seats in Louisiana and Mississippi, introduced a new campaign slogan: The Change You Deserve. The Republicans thought they would cash in on the change agenda that's been so successful [...]
Our only president went before the Knesset the other day and talked about appeasement, equating those who would try to talk to our enemies with the people who tried to deal with Adolph Hitler and the Nazis before World War II.
Finally, the president is talking about something he knows about. [...]
Our own U.S. Rep. Todd Platts voted Wednesday against motherhood.
Really.
Sort of.
Here's what happened: The House of Representatives voted on a resolution honoring Mother's Day, one of those waste-of-time, nonsense things our Congress is so good at. After the resolution passed unanimously, the Washington Post reported Rep. Todd Tiahrt, R-Kan., asked [...]
Watch this interview with the guy who sets gas prices in York County, speaking from his secret, undisclosed location in Manchester Township.
var inlinePlayerParameters = {"f":"PAYOK","mk":"en-ap","containerId":"inlinePlayerContainer","type":"ByUUIDS","prop1":"fefbaed8-adbb-4eaa-b896-d90b4d1669b8","prop2":"PAYOK","skin":"0","headlineColor":"#AB0110","borderColor":"#666666","padding":"8","sort":"Default","sortdir":"Descending"}; [...]The What Have We Learned team skipped the podcast this week. It was a scheduling thing, OK?
That's our story and we're sticking to it. It had nothing to do with that incident involving Tom and the fairies. Seriously, it didn't.
Anyway, here are this week's jokes, featuring a cast [...]
It's the Indian Baby Drop.
It's weird and disturbing and kind of funny in a twisted way.
It's a 500-year-old ritual. The people who toss the babies off the tower believe it makes them stronger and brings them luck in life.
All righty then!
[...]Much has been made of Barack Obama, a man raised by his grandparents and a single mother, being an elitist. It's a ridiculous issue, even by the ridiculous standards set by this campaign.
But check out this exchange between Bill O'Reilly and Hillary Clinton.
O’Reilly said, "I'm not middle class, I'm a [...]
My Friday column is a follow-up to the Intown Motors story.
It seems that, at one time or another, Intown Motors has towed away just about every car in York County. The other night, at the town meeting I attended with WGAL's Janelle Stelson, among others, it seems everybody in [...]
Here is the crazy minister who supports John McCain, pontificating about Catholicism and Hitler and other fun stuff.
Enjoy
Here, he advocates attacking Iran.
Here he is saying that Katrina was God's wrath on New Orleans and gays.
Here's Keith Olbermann reporting on John Hagee's endorsement of John McCain.
[...]Remember this?
How's that working out?
As a bonus, here's John McCain on the topic. As you can see, he's been wrong about, well, everything, and then later denies that he was wrong. And he has a crazy preacher supporting him.
Last Sunday, I wrote about the necessity of eliminating Punxsutawney Phil -- with extreme
And the guy made me an honorary member of Punxsy Phil's Fan Club. (Shouldn't that be "Phan" club?)
Oh, well.
As Bill Murray once said, so I got that going for me.
WHTM-TV (Channel 27) got around to doing a story about the billboards around town touting an upcoming gun show at the York Fairgrounds. The billboards depict a blond woman holding targets.
Gives new meaning to the phrase "gun rack."
Just saying.
A colleague said, "I guess guns aren't the [...]
