As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I spent some time in Romania. I lived there, went to school there, spent my pre-adolescent years there. This was the early nineties. A lot of shit went airborne in those days. [...]
But I kept thinking about my grandfather fighting in the Pacific when this chick was born. My dad wasn't even ten years old when this motion picture was made. I was turned on and skeezed out at the same time.' [...]
Since I quit this place, I've been working a job that's very analytical. Very clinical. Things have loosened up the last few months and so I'm feeling the desire to write creep in again. [...]
The year before, the year of the boar, the zodiac of my birth, we'll that year was a doozy. It was drug fueled and not memorable in the way one remembers positive things.' [...]
I went to the grocery after work. Anybody that knows anything about me knows that I don't do the grocery thing. Maybe I go once every two or three months. And that's only because I haven't found a take out place that carries cat food. [...]
I wish I could say I took a trip around the world. I wish I could say I fucked all kinds of girls. I wish I had a story to tell, or some sort of mischief to unfold. [...]
So I go in and sit down. Woman mutters something about water pressure. Something about the weather. A Eucalyptus-mentholated blend and a quickie rinse. OK. [...]
I didn't do so well checking off items on last year's edition of the life list. Aside from a few key moments, last year was pretty much a wasted year. [...]
So, I was digging through some of my old work here, looking for some inspiration, and commiserating with memories and wallet photographs, etc., and then I remembered that I owe you folks an updated life list. [...]
The first time I fell in love with Wanda Sykes was in a basement exposed to the sniper's nest of a city called Perth. Below me the lights of Perth and the wind howling through the patio pergola. I was lonely, alone, and overlooking a city that kept me captive [...]
I turned 13-years-old in the emotionally empty year of 1996. Recently torn from seventh grade, my home in Vienna, and into an unwelcome adolescence, my mom was on what we all thought would be her death bed. [...]
But being paid for overtime is not to shabby either. That must be considered. On one hand, I'm doing my company a favor. On the other I'd rather eat razors. [...]
The only escape from this misery is to escape creativity. This generally calls for an unhealthy helping of narcotics. Sure, in some moments I am happy to oblige that craving. But then comes the rain. [...]
I know, I know: I keep promising a big reveal. A big "this is what I've been working on." I have so many projects I'm working on (and not completing) that my plans for a reveal are always being shelved. [...]
As 2007 buggers off stage right, I'm left standing here with a half dressed bottle of champaign and wondering what happened. “Dude: what the fuck?” says my worried boy mind. [...]
But yes. Yes! I danced for a bit in the dream. And maybe one day my feet will rock to the rhythm in mind. But until then, we'll just have to work things out in this space. I'm sure you won't mind. [...]
All this got me thinking about a project I've been working on for quite some time now. It's really got me thinking that I've got assets that are much too valuable for monkey shit like this. [...]
The most surprising thing, I remember, was how overtly un-sexual I felt despite the very sexual nature of the whole thing. I can't remember morals. I can't remember details. But I remember thinking this: [...]
Beginning to write again. Beginning to paint. Things are always beginning. It'd be nice to show you folks something ending for once. One day I suppose. [...]
You know where I'm going here. I suppose it's a bad sign when writing about vacuuming and hair turns into sexual back story. That's just the way it's been. [...]
Though, as I write I'm struck with the desire to be wrong. On all accounts. Here, there, German or in English, as long as I am companion with myself I should strive to pleasure myself. At least, work to find pleasure. [...]
Crisp autumn air fills the flat and I feel the same type of kinetic mojo one feels when winter breaks. If I were a dog, I'd mount every leg that approached. I've got a stroll in my step. Things are good. [...]
Summer's not too bad and we can't do without the hard reset of winter. But these two have a habit of keeping one indoors. And summer is worse. How can you avoid the toxic breath of the air conditioned atmosphere. [...]
One would think that after yesterday's subtle reminder, I would pick up a broom and do something about the remaining fragments. One would think that, wouldn't they? [...]
The urge has returned. I began feeling it about a week ago and tonight I could resist no longer. And though its climax here has not been as satisfying or steady as I had hoped, it can only get better. [...]
I'm in awe of women: their seemingly effortless toweled bee's nest head wrap. The king towel tucked under armpits. The wrap remains perched like a waiting songbird on the moving breasts, this despite the silent tugging from my eyes. [...]
For too long I've thought things a slow decent to an inevitable climax of some sort or another. But now I know that my life, my time will be marked by multiple throws. [...]
These are all things I seek with a sort of reckless desire. I have a need to lay my lips on that first bit of nectar. And it is that need, that very recklessness that bestows a cost, a price on all matters of this kind. [...]
I realized that my stated disgust for jobs related to journalism was an artificial construct. When I burned out the first time in Perth, I was working on a journalism degree and at a newspaper and I decided I needed to drastically change my life to pull myself out. [...]
So the bastard children got the best of me. Again. Last time wasn't so bad. All they got was a six-pack of Gatoraid. This time it hurt. They got over $3000 worth of stuff. [...]
I'm on the defensive, sure. When someone pulls the rug out from under you for suspect reasons, that's where you go. The only one I can depend on is me and this will probably never change. [...]
I suppose you've decided not to talk to me anymore. I know you're busy too, but I can only conclude that there's purpose behind your silence. Am I wrong? [...]
They come from the bowels of governmental office buildings, and the headquarters of some major defense contractors. They come from the private sector, staffing agencies, and public schools. [...]
What I seek may be elsewhere. Maybe this much is clear. I haven't found it here. At least not yet, not that I know of. What I have found I'm not too fond of. Call it charity work. The clean-up crew. [...]
And I sat there alone thinking about being alone and all the aforementioned stuff. I was frustrated and so I left. Again, party construes this as an unspoken slight. And maybe this time it was. [...]
And here's another problem. Let's say my fortune changes suddenly and I finally start seeing some interest from employers. Say I get a nod for an interview. Who says they must make up their minds any time soon? [...]
Which brings me to tomorrow: this Web site's fourth complete year -- ages in www speak. Retrospection is where it's at now, and there is much to be said for sticking around this long. [...]
A mother's inquiries into prospective Mrs. De Soto's turn quickly to the virtues of No Child Left Behind. The merits of foreign diplomacy and the wars in Sudan and Somalia, Lebanon and Chechnya. [...]
That's not what you mean, I think, but then I don't know which way is up and which way is down anymore. Because when you disappear, retreat within, I'm the one left standing here alone. [...]
So here I am: pieces of a man and in double trouble. Emotionally drained and physically mute. I'm in such a need for some kind of intimate contact that I find myself wondering what a lifetime without would be like. [...]
Here we are today, nearly four years since I established this Web site in my Perth, Australia bedroom. It is a milestone I never expected to make. [...]
For what? For being powerless and knowing that I'm powerless and knowing that the only thing I can do is keep my hand extended until she wants to take it. There is nothing else. [...]
Now I don't care if I pay $3 a gallon for gasoline. But I sure as hell wish I didn't have to. Not to make rich men richer. Why not grow the company 10 percent, put 5 in your pocket and put 5 in the mouths of hungry black kids? [...]
I don't really think about it except in the general feeling that I'll go before them. I don't know how it came to be this way, but I know it's how I think when I do think about such things. [...]
Stumbling down and out I find a record to put on the jukebox. It fills the big empty space I find myself in. I lay on the couch and cover me with a blanket. I breathe deep and listen. [...]
But I don't know. That much I do know. Despite all my reassurances, the idea of vulnerability seems to be the trump card. And for now I am at a loss. But here I'll stand. [...]
The nostalgia, the longing to make my return abroad warms as I tell the stories. And it's not that I am not happy here in humble Richmond of the South, but that I long to be free. To roam free. [...]
