Here, in this perfect word
Of course, I'm talking about this little monkey. Not me. He's open, but confused. It's obvious. It's not like he really has anything to be confused about. It's not like anyone is going to allow him to have any choices beyond, "Which side of the cage'" [...] 
Oooh baby, this title sets up all sorts of punchlines. Punchlines, punch lines. What's the relationship there? Someone needs to spike the PBR for you to laugh at my next sentence: If I had a wiener, I'd never keep that (wince) thing in my pants. Now' [...] 
Dear 2AM. There are many nights I enjoy seeing you far more than this, but here we are, non-bedfellows again. This is what happens when I fall asleep scratching The Genius's back at 9 PM, and then wake up hungry at 12:45 AM. I'm just waiting [...] 
Here is my contribution to this week's Flash Fiction Friday
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Leonard Cohen The Movie 
Alright. Alrighty, then. A mere thirty minutes ago, I was posting some blatherings and then said, "Hey, them's crappy blatherings," and low and behold, they were gone. The work of the Lord or some strange subconscious slight of hand? The world may never know, but nevertheless,' [...] 
It's times like these I am very happy to have this here blog-ma-bob. Tonight, I fell asleep scratching the genius's back at 8:45, but then I woke up with my mind spinning at 11:00 and still come 12AM, it's time to surrender to the fact that' [...] 
Because I Care About Your Safety (and Scoring)
Crap. Crap. Crap. and more Crap. If I don't go ahead and declare this day to be a 2009 Tender Egos Momentâ„¢ Official Day of Surrender, I'm going to have to declare it the First Annual Bang Your Head on a Velvet Covered Brick Wall Celebration [...] 
Internetutia, I don't have anything new, but let this here picture serve as not-so-subtle contradictory innuendo. Color, pizazz, who-de-who, ain't nothing new. I would have preferred to have said that a few more times this week, and there is a half-written Flash Fiction Friday post that [...] 
Dear Diaretic Blog,
I went to the my children's school Halloween festival yesterday and had a great time. My children have been moving up through this same school for 10 or so years and I've probably been to seven of these deals, but this was the best one yet. [...] 
Ok, thank goodness this hiatus is probably not going to stick. When do I miss my blog the most? When I'm last-minute studying for a test the next day. What I am looking at is hopefully my last test before my last final in my college' [...] 
Well, I decided, after the last time I said I was leaving here only to change my mind and had to come groveling back, that I won't do that again. Remember when I shut things off and went "private," which was a big ol' pain in [...] 
What books am I reading, you ask? Actually, nobody asks me that, but my son has to report which books he reads all the time, and incidentally, our list is identical.
Stop me before I date again. Please. I just can't take the pressure. Say the right thing. Be assertive, but not so much so as to usurp my femininity. Be thin, but curvy. Neither a prude, nor a slut be. I'm not quite sure how it [...] 
I know this is going to come as a shock to you both, but sometimes, just sometimes, I piss people off. I know. I know. It's hard to believe. I can scarcely believe it myself sometimes, but there it is. Out. On the table. Pick it' [...] 
Pitifully enough, I almost didn't write anything because I didn't find this picture in an expeditious enough fashion, and alls of a sudden I can't write a blog post without the pic in the left, and I have another mannequin pic, but can't put another of [...] 
Move along people. Oh wait, you just got here. I wasn't ready. Oh, there was this whole Jodie Foster/ Sandra Dee from Grease lesbian erotica piece that centered on Jodie's having an exceptionally good hair day I was working on, but then I was getting stuck [...] 
Sleeping on campus was a failed experiment, except that I got to satisfy my headless mannequin fetish. I almost started a new mannequin blog. NO!!! But, they do make lovely filler-- which attests to their proficiency at their usual niche.
Gosh. I don't feel very talkative, really. It's not really necessary though, because like all things pertinent, Modest mouse wrote the song. As they would also put it, it "fits like clothes made out of wasps." (Someone needs to go change out her iPod songs.) [...] 
As I walked down the street, I realized that I'd always expected things to come to this. A hastily selected assortment of my personal effects, a cell phone that won't close with a nearly-dead battery, my Real Analysis book, wearing some already super glued Tevas. I'd' [...] 
Not really.
I'm tired. There I said it! Seriously, I attended the newest consumer holiday event at the grocery store last night at waytoolate o'clock, and it weren't fun. The saddest part is that the only back to school items I bought were the disinfectant wipes I met' [...] 
Hey, ya know, I was doin' some stinkin' thinkin' and I just solved the health care crisis:
Well, huzzah. I gots my baby Bees back. What a nice cuddly day I've had. Snaggletooth showed me how his Nintendo DSI backward masks. As soon as we buy the chip we need to transfer data back and forth between it and our computer, we are' [...] 
You know what my other pet peeve (besides pets with people names) is? It's being fucking freezing in AC when it's summer outside. I hate that. It's the epitome of unnatural. I'll avoid this becoming a rant about how I like to have the house warmer [...] 
When I woke up this morning, I wasn't quite sure how I'd gotten there. Isn't that the way this always starts? Typical, trite, unoriginal. It's all been said. It's all been done. No new colors under the sun. No sex position our Lord and Savior Jesus' [...] 
You know what makes me hot under the collar about myself? I'm fuckin' fickle. Oh sure, it's cute when it comes to taking too long to order something off a menu (the first 12 times). It's even tolerable when all four of my kids really really [...] 
There was all this stuff about going to the beach I was going to write and then I didn't, but there was that poem. Remember? The only things the poem doesn't capture about my recent Whirlwind Tour of the Best Barbecue Joints of Texas on the [...] 
I touch myself in the Gulf of Mexico,
Wanna Make Somethin' of It?â„¢ is my newest series wherein I, a not famous person, tell you, a not famous person, what famous people are talking about on Twitter.
When I first started taking Zoloft in the spring of 2008, I did it most willingly. I had suffered a series of back to back anxiety attacks and just about anything seemed better than that. I read all I could about it and talked to my [...] 
Yep, this is about the point where I go back and reread what I’ve written, decide it’s a bunch of crap, chuck it all and start over again. Maybe, it's a form of perfectionism, but the stack of boxes with old papers and our dirty toilet' [...] 
Just the other day, Kelly, my new therapist, said there is a link between OCD and ADHD. I'm not gonna cop to ADHD just yet, but cannot deny the OCD I've got goin' on. It made it easier to suspect after my mother told me she' [...] 
If only I could be certain the things M says about me aren't true, this whole thing would be easier. It's not like I love him anymore or anything, not in a non-platonic way. Sure, in that way I do, but that never counts. He even [...] 
Tryin' to figure out how it all got like this. That's all I can seem to focus on anymore. There was this book I was gonna write about myself, but I realized that even just the way I was gonna start it out was just a [...] 
Catchy title. Check. Fetching picture. Check. Cheeky content. So far so good, but things are gonna go downhill from here fast. I'll try my damnedest not to write a post about how little I have to post about. I also hate posts that call themselves lame' [...] 
Let's just kiss and make up now, okay. I know you were feeling sad and introspective, but I know just what you need to feel better. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to begrudge you your moods. You can just sit over against the wall' [...] 
When I stepped out of the shower this evening, I noticed that my skin was looking prettier than usual. Some days are just like that. I might have a tendency to wonder why, on this particular day, it looks more smooth and even than on others. [...] 
It hasn't been able to rain ever since I left that propane camping stove out in the yard. 
I've been having a terrible case of the said-too-much-didn't-say-enoughs. I have two poems I've written that have some good elements mixed in with a bunch of crap, and I can't discern between the two. I've been quite irregular and not in a digestive way, sleeping late,' [...] 
gfeuyr23bt
I got home at midnight last night with The Future President. We made a pit stop on the way home to eat Bush's Chicken (and, no that is not some sort of crude euphemism I would put in the same sentence as a reference to' [...] 
Sometimes I just get into a space when I can't handle any stimulation whatsoever, like acutely. I've been in that kind of space today. It's sort of ADHDish and I am just completely overwhelmed by the simplest of things. Fortunately, it has worked a few times to' [...] 
Ladies and gentlemen in a hurry,
Aw shucks, that picture of them stairs is so cute; I shoulda took a picture of 'em, too..., but I didn't, so I've stolen this and the other pics in this post, though they are, indeed, exact replicas of the pictures I coulda/shoulda/woulda taken of my' [...] 
Scene I
It's not like I hate my blog or anything. I don't. In fact, we're like this. I have started two posts in the last few days, just to have them fizzle like the cheap fireworks I typically buy four of each year, and say, "Woot." I [...] 
Mr. Bee and I have had a surprisingly unromantic first two days of our Half-Summer of Loveâ„¢. I just woke up with Copsâ„¢ on the telly infiltrating my psyche and this water-in-the-ears sensation I've had ever since I had Swine Flu the week before finals. What's water [...] 
Some people are more ambitious than others. I accomplished something yesterday that I haven't been able to do for quite some time. I was able to get my Google Reader down to 0. Today, after watching only two more episodes, I will have watched the entire' [...] 
Wednesday was the last day of public school here, and come Thursday I had my baby bees ready to go to their grandparents' house. I would have preferred that it not be so soon, but as it ends up, it's probably for the best. Mr. Bee [...] 
Sometimes I feel guilty for my lack of political prowess. Other times I feel guilty for feeling guilty. Usually, I just feel remorse, a deep and abiding remorse. I should be more pretty, more friendly, more perky. That might make someone happy. As it is, no [...] 
Lest it be thought that I hate America, I've decided to take a briefly political detour.
Has any one noticed that this blog has really been going downhill, fast? I mean really, it should be, "Has any one noticed that this blog has really been going downhill, quickly?" And, I don't really give a shit.
Does anyone think this is as hot as me? (Of course, that's a truely loaded question.) If not, I imagine the ads I have so fruitlessly allowed to invade my blog will never be of any consequence to anyone, but those who have recently googled:
I'm a very busy woman, it seems.
For certain, it wasn't me.
See the one in the black shirt? Yeah, the pretty one in the back row. No, not the one with the half-shirt! The one with the dark hair. Yes. Yes. The one with the green shorts.
Some people read classics. Some read contemporary women's fiction. Some read Scientific American. Some people even waste their energy reading pseudo-pithy blogs. Some read The Sun or The Enquirer or TV Guide. Some stay glued to The Weather Channel and yet still others stalk a police' [...] 
If you can even read my blog again, rather than just look at the dirty pictures now that I've crossed that irrevocable line (unless I remove them), you may or still may not notice a new little evil which has worked it's way into this little [...] 
After I applied a thin layer,
More of what remains to be seen, but in rare form, I don't know wtf this is going. But, I am loaded up with pics acquired from a blog search of "wtf." May Sarah Lee be with us on this, our epic, imaginary journey down memory' [...] 
Now tha' ah done spilt tha beans 'bout me an' Jesus bein' lovers, ah might as well start writin' in mah diary again. First off. This here picture shows Jesus in she's true form, an' so you gots ta call her Mona now, k? She's [...] 
Boy howdy. Â Here we go. Â In real-time. Â You may think it's in slow mo, but I assure you, this is precisely how slow I work. Â Appreciated in some realms. Â In others- not so much.
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Oh. The crazy excitement. I have been in this, the quietest library on campus (I discover a month before my hopeful graduation), for 3.5 hours and have not accomplished one iota of studying. It's nice, but my guilt is kicking in. I have nothing to show' [...] 
This here's me an' Jesus. We's lovers. When she approached me in tha street askin' me iffin' ah could help her make change, I din't know ezactly what she had in mind. Ah told her all's we gotta do is to get we's selves on [...] 
I have been having the biggest fucking pity party ever. You were invited telepathetically, but you didn't show. You didn't miss anything anyway. The band sucked, someone spiked the punch with Diet Coke (so it had a nasty aftertaste), and the police came and handcuffed everyone, [...] 
Have a Happy Thanksgiving! 
Sure!
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...not only did I find a sock with a bunch of change in it;
