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the Daily Scoff

  • I Have a Dream

    Could happen. I'm just sayin'... [...]
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    Posted: November 02, 2009, 1:20pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • My Scariest Halloween Ever

    Number of comments: 6
    ...a number of the kids who came around that Halloween were from low-income families. Two poor kids came knocking at my place and yelled "Trick or Treat!" [...]
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    Posted: October 29, 2009, 3:26pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Scoff Rewind: Texting While Driving

    Number of comments: 1
    MADISON [ JG ] I made this graphic up some months ago for Kenosha’s futile effort to ban texting while driving: …and now that the ban is going statewide, I thought it deserved an encore… [...]
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    Posted: October 20, 2009, 2:33pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Geography Lesson

    My friends in New Berlin will, I'm sure, forgive me for this. Okay, maybe not. ' [...]
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    Posted: September 24, 2009, 2:49pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • I Need A Hole

    Number of comments: 2
    Here's the thing. Back when I was married, we had a house with a magic hole in the wall. [...]
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    Posted: September 20, 2009, 9:42pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Let’s Settle This Racial Thing

    Number of comments: 1
    Those of us offering criticism of President Obama's Universal Government Healthcare (or "UGH!") are accused of harboring latent White Supremacist tendencies... [...]
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    Posted: September 17, 2009, 10:03am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Sure, We All Hate the Vikings…

    [The Vikings] put nearly forty points on the board with the Gorton's Fisherman as their quarterback... [...]
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    Posted: September 14, 2009, 8:42am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Ah, Vukmir!

    Number of comments: 4
    I'm running through the list of other Leahs that I know or have known, and the answer is none. None more Leahs. Which makes it official: She's my favorite Leah. [...]
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    Posted: September 10, 2009, 11:27am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • From Barney to Biker Broads

    Number of comments: 1
    "Why is everybody wearing blue jeans, black sleeveless t-shirts, leather vests, chaps, and driving Harleys?" I grinned at the irony of the answer. [...]
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    Posted: September 07, 2009, 8:42am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Fat-Ass Friday : Episode 3

    Number of comments: 2
    ...if you ignore the headaches, mood swings, blurred vision, heart palpitations, and bleeding from my pores, I feel fantastic! [...]
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    Posted: September 04, 2009, 1:11pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Fatherly Advice

    Number of comments: 4
    "So", and I knew I was in trouble "if somebody rips my arm off, I'll be stronger?" "Okay", I conceded. "That which does not kill nor dismember us can only make us stronger." [...]
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    Posted: September 01, 2009, 3:15pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Pom-Pon-less Squad

    Number of comments: 1
    My son was understandably engrossed in the halftime show at last Friday's New Berlin West football game as the school's Pom Pon Squad gyrated to that rocky-roll music the kids are all wild about these days. [...]
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    Posted: August 30, 2009, 9:33pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Fat-Ass Friday : Episode 2

    Number of comments: 4
    Hell YEAH, I'm hungry... ' [...]
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    Posted: August 28, 2009, 10:56am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Water They Spending My Money On?

    I ain't autographing any more laptops. Or, for that matter, portable computers... ' [...]
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    Posted: August 27, 2009, 9:44am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Mercury Maroons

    Number of comments: 1
    What? More jobs fleeing the state is no laughing matter? You got that right... [...]
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    Posted: August 25, 2009, 10:27pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Good For You, IAMU!

    Number of comments: 2
    I'm proud to see the Mercury Marine workers staunchly (read: "stubbornly and stupidly") sticking with THEIR union... careers, economic reality, and feeding your families be damned. [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2009, 10:46am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Fat-Ass Friday : Episode 1

    Number of comments: 1
    Last week, I hit my peak fighting weight: 250lbs. Eff that, yo. [...]
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    Posted: August 21, 2009, 3:05pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Burress Apologizes to Burress

    Justice has finally been served, as nefarious gunman Plaxico Burress was today sentenced to prison for his savage attack against beloved ex-Giant football player, Plaxico Burress. [...]
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    Posted: August 20, 2009, 10:16am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Breaking Wind … and Maybe a Hip

    within seconds of feigning a concerned "Gosh I hope Steven Tyler's alright" you were, like me, singing "...livin' it up when I'm goin' dowwwwwnnnn!!!" to the delighted guffaws of your friends. [...]
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    Posted: August 17, 2009, 9:29am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Honest Sideline Answers

    GREEN BAY [JG] This is going to seem like I’m picking on Jessie Garcia, sideline reporter for tonight’s Packer game, but she’s not the only gal I’ve seen doing this. She’s just the one who made me snap. Too often, mini-interviews are conducted during the course of a game. Worse than [...]
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    Posted: August 15, 2009, 8:48pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Non-Existent Provision Dropped

    WARSHINGTON, DC [ AP ]  Obama’s claim that there was “no Death Panel” provision in the Healthcareless Bill was re-emphasized yesterday when the Senate removed that non-existent clause from the pending legislation. “See?!” chided his O-liness.  “Told’ja it’s not in there!  So nyeeeah…” Now if we can get His minions to remove [...]
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    Posted: August 14, 2009, 8:13am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • It’s Official : I’m in Love

    Number of comments: 3
    GERMANTOWN [JG] I’ve got to have her. She’s 2/3rds the age of my ex.  She’s got sensual curves and lives life in the fast lane. The first time I saw her, I gave her the once over, top to bottom, front to back.  Impressive headlights and not too much junk in the [...]
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    Posted: August 13, 2009, 8:22am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Drinking Right : Aug ‘09 Synopsis

    Number of comments: 3
    [ JG : Milwaukee ] Nick Schweitzer usually takes it upon himself to capture different snippets of the conversations that take place at the monthly “Drinking Right” gathering of us area conservative wing-nuts, loons, bloggers, pundits, and ne’er-do-wells. But he couldn’t be there last night, so I’m happy to fill in. [...]
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    Posted: August 12, 2009, 9:31am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Relax! It’s ONLY the Swine Flu

    [ AP : STORY ]  It’s nice when the government writes this stuff FOR me: “…schools should only close this fall if large numbers of students have swine flu…” Or if the teacher’s union says so… If you can quantify “large numbers”, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for [...]
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    Posted: August 11, 2009, 1:34pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Add Her To The List: Gabrielle Anwar

    Number of comments: 2
    When sound came to the movies, it ended the careers of many silent-film stars. Likewise, HD (high-definition) is NOT friendly to a number of hitherto attractive women. I’ve already written about this in regard to Brooke Shields, Holly Hunter, et al. Add to the list one Gabrielle Anwar. I’m the first to [...]
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    Posted: August 10, 2009, 11:13pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Beckham to Replace Abdul?

    [STORY : Calgary Herald] Victoria Beckham’s qualifications are obvious to anybody who examines them. Stock Tip: With Paula Abdul out of a job, I’m shorting Pfizer… If you can hook me up with her pharmacist, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: August 06, 2009, 10:00am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Money for Microwaves

    I have a Cheap-Ass Microwave Oven (that’s the brand name, not an insult). When I turn it on, the lights dim. In the entire neighborhood. It cooks food that’s on the shelf above it. It shows up on my buddy Vince Condella’s weather radar. I’ve gotta cut We Energies a four-figure [...]
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    Posted: August 05, 2009, 1:31pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Flight 2009 … Prepare For Crash Landing

    Just be happy I didn’t illustrate Joe Biden as the stewardess. Sorry, that’s politically incorrect: I should have said “Flighty Attendant”… If your seat is in the full upright position, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: August 04, 2009, 9:48am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Give ‘em Back Their Pot!

    Say what you want about sixties pot-smoking radicals, but dollar-for-dollar, they were a helluva lot less expensive than today's clear-eyed, suit-and-tie-wearing socialistas. [...]
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    Posted: August 03, 2009, 10:57am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Resumed

    Okay, I still didn’t fix the scanner, so I’ve got no visual. But I did manage to hang a good deal of the collection over the last week.  I’m trying to maintain logical groupings, but I put my favorites closer to the desk. As a result, there’s one section of wall that [...]
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    Posted: August 02, 2009, 4:53pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Puppet Show THEN Spinal Tap

    Number of comments: 1
    Barely room for her hand up there next to Biden’s head… If you understood the headline, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: August 01, 2009, 7:41am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Welfare on Wheels

    Where Have All the “Clunkers” Gone?  Back to where they came from:  bargain lots and junkyards. I used to drive a tow truck, and I used to race at Lake Geneva and Slinger.  As such, I have more than a few contacts in the used-car/auto-parts game.  Here’s the buzz from that [...]
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    Posted: July 31, 2009, 7:00am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Don’t Do Drugs, Kids

    In retrospect, I was probably lost. I found myself in the fruit and vegetable section of my neighborhood Sendiks’ supermarket.  Organic food isn’t food (or they’d just CALL it “food”), so I don’t know why I was in the friggin’ produce section to begin with.  I must have overshot the Pop [...]
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    Posted: July 29, 2009, 9:20pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • If Catherine Zeta-Jones Wants Me…

    …to buy a T-Mobile phone, then by god, I’ma get me one. Sadly, I wouldn’t need any extra minutes And for that matter, if she wants me to cram it in my eye socket, I’ll prob’ly do that too. We just won’t discuss her &(#$*%! husband… If that picture gave you an extra bar, please [...]
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    Posted: July 28, 2009, 8:50am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Slower Traffic Keep Right…

    …or we get to shoot out your tires. Traffic engineers use the laws of “fluid dynamics” to calculate traffic capacity.  Water fills a pipe from the bottom to the top.  (Some Googlers searching for “fill your water pipe” are going to be disappointed by this article, I’ll bet.) Multi-lane roads, it is [...]
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    Posted: July 27, 2009, 8:39am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Of COURSE She’s Topless…

    Enclosure: [download]
    … Georgia Jagger is modeling those JEANS, not a blouse: As an American, I’m not legally allowed to make this joke until her 18th birthday, so unless you’re European, don’t laugh at this observation ’til next year: Can’t wait ’til she does an ad for shoes… If you’re as disgusted with me as [...]
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    Posted: July 25, 2009, 9:17am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • THIS… is CNN

    Enclosure: [download]
    Hard core journalism… -jjg [...]
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    Posted: July 24, 2009, 1:09pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Charlie Sez…

    Number of comments: 6
    ...I happened upon my friend Mr. Sykes, who was gracious enough to say he missed my writing. Upon reflection, I do too. [...]
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    Posted: July 23, 2009, 9:33pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • New Interrogation Techniques

    Number of comments: 1
    Ev’ry body talkin’ ’bout this water-boardin’ torturin’ the ter-o-rists Glad nobody told ‘em what I’d do to their scrotum That’s my interrogative… If you think waterboarding is worse than decapitation, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: April 25, 2009, 8:57am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Tax Revolt

    Hat Tip: Parker & Hart If you’re in this picture, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: April 19, 2009, 8:59am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • You Say You Want a Revolution

    Enclosure: [download]
    You ask me for a “contribution” Well, you know We’re all doing what we can Click the map to sing along… If you were at one of these Tea Parties, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: April 15, 2009, 10:17am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • It’s Never False Advertising

    …when the government does it. MADISON, WI [ JG ]  I wasn’t surprised, nor should YOU be, that Wisconsin has released another “Public Service Announcement” that talks to us like we’re complete morons. Their lastest radio commercial comes on the heels of a paternalistically putrid PSA campaign ballsy enough to claim that [...]
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    Posted: April 13, 2009, 9:41am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • I Voted For You

    Number of comments: 1
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Not that I wrote you in as a candidate.  I mean, I voted on your behalf (for about 80% of you anyway, and I sincerely applaud your lethargy). I don’t buy into the canard that voting is “your civic duty”.  It’s a privilege, and one I’m [...]
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    Posted: April 07, 2009, 7:48pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Chronic Pains

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  People often think I’m being facetious when I brag of the pride I take in living in the sixth free-est country in the world.  In a way, I guess they’re right. Since we’re actually closer to eighth. And that’s just in terms of economic freedom.  In terms [...]
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    Posted: April 01, 2009, 12:23pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • We Need More Government

    Number of comments: 3
    WARSHINGTON, DC [ JG ]  I have to paraphrase Obama. Not because I want to put words in his mouth, but because reading/listening to his precise arguments for bigger government can make me bleed from my eye sockets and earholes. In essence, his campaign stance (and to his credit, and my bereavement, [...]
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    Posted: March 27, 2009, 2:40pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Rat-a-tat Tax

    WARSHINGTON, D.C. [ Story : PoliticsUSA ] If know who the REAL Untouchables are, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: March 23, 2009, 3:20pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Blowing Smoke

    Doyle hopes Wisconsin never fixes its budget problems [...]
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    Posted: March 19, 2009, 8:44am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Precocious Dope

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Yes, I watch American Idol. I know.  I know.  Yeah.  I know.  Shut up. Look, if there was no off-season for football this might not happen.  I realize that my tenuous 51.0000001% heterosexuality quotient is in peril every time some dude in mascara makes me misty, but [...]
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    Posted: March 18, 2009, 1:11am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • Wisconsin : A Big Fat Zero

    MADISON, WI [ JG ]  Call it truth in advertising: The steering wheel, one imagines, symbolizes the last thing one clutches on their way across the border in the flight toward less taxpayer/businessman-hostile climes. I’ve lifted the graphic from the state D.O.T. (note the zero in the middle of that abbreviation… a [...]
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    Posted: March 12, 2009, 8:11am EDT
    by Gravelle

  • A Young Man’s Guide to Getting Old

    Number of comments: 2
    Listen up, boys. There are things they teach you in school when you’re young that you’ll never need to know when you’re old, like: how to say “This pen is blue” in Spanish; what the capital of New Hampshire is; and the proper way to drink tea. There IS however, a decent chance that you’ll [...]
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    Posted: March 09, 2009, 1:17pm EDT
    by Gravelle

  • No Naked Young Asian Girls

    Number of comments: 5
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Yesterday I wrote that I didn’t know what to scoff about any more. Not because of a lack of material, but because the S.S. Obama has run us full steam into an iceberg (they apparently haven’t ALL melted) and any complaining I do is going to [...]
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    Posted: March 04, 2009, 8:36am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Comfortably Numb

    Number of comments: 2
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  They say if you have a backache, you should hit yourself in the head with a hammer, and you won’t notice the back pain any more. The thing about composing a “Daily Scoff” today versus last year is that we’re in such dire economic and social [...]
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    Posted: March 03, 2009, 8:55am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Knodl… Do the Knodl Dance

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Ahh.  I love the smell of hate mail in the morning. Not too long after I lamented that my last Journal-Sentinel column hadn’t generated any complaints, one impassioned reader made up for the deficit.  My response follows their letter: Sent: Friday, February 27, 2009 2:35 PM To: J@gravelle.us Subject: [...]
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    Posted: February 28, 2009, 8:20am EST
    by Gravelle

  • A Day Without Hate Mail…

    …probably means I’m not trying hard enough.  The feedback from yesterday’s Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel piece was 100% positive. You might accuse me of blowing my own horn by reproducing some of the nicer comments here.  My only defense is “Well, yeah.  Duh.”: Finally, at last, an entertaining community columnist writer! Great job - looking [...]
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    Posted: February 26, 2009, 9:33am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Snipped, But Not Snippy

    Number of comments: 10
    My buddy Dan makes people take off their shoes when they come over to his house.  I do it, because it’s his house. Likewise, whenever the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel invites me over to write, I agree to bend to their editorial decision making, because it’s their newspaper. I’ll reiterate:  I support the [...]
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    Posted: February 25, 2009, 6:25am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Bah. Who Needs Data?

    Number of comments: 1
    VANDENBERG AFB, CA [ Story : CS Monitor ]  If Al Gore’s cartoon polar bears aren’t proof enough of global warming, then what good would satellite imagery do anyway? If there’d been room, the headline for this piece would have been “Global Warming Satellite Gets Real Warm Then Crashes Into Globe, [...]
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    Posted: February 24, 2009, 1:29pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Six Degrees of Se-parishoner

    Number of comments: 2
    MILWAUKEE / NYC / VATICAN CITY [ JG ]  As you know, I sometimes write for Kevin Fischer, who fills in on WISN radio, where Bob Dolan used to sit behind a microphone and tell us about his brother, Archbishop Timothy Dolan. If I remember my catechism correctly, this sort of [...]
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    Posted: February 23, 2009, 12:49pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • I Blame the New Math

    Number of comments: 1
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG]  Okay, “New Math” is like fifty years old now, but that’s not the point.  Besides, I’M like fifty years old now, and people still blame ME for stuff. Some people have whined that “the Daily Scoff” isn’t always “daily” any more.  Again, I blame math, and here’s [...]
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    Posted: February 20, 2009, 1:12pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Baby Won’t You Drive My Karma?

    Number of comments: 1
    Might as well do it this way. This week’s weather has our meaty urologists perplexed. Saw a guy ditch his SUV near Mukwanago on highway 43 yesterday.  I thought he was grabbing his head in frustration during the ride in.  Nope. Talking on the cell phone alllllllll the way. It was beautiful, man… If you’d [...]
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    Posted: February 19, 2009, 2:01pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • True Obama-niac Story

    LAKE GENEVA, WI [ JG ]  She was the template from which her ilk was cut, though I doubt she does (or ever will) realize it. Coming back from lunch today, I found myself behind a car with Illinois plates, proudly festooned with Obama campaign bumper stickers. I don’t know how many [...]
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    Posted: February 18, 2009, 3:38pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Como Se Dice “Wink Wink”, Senator?

    WARSHINGTON, D.C. [ Story : eWEEK ]  The Senate (YOUR Senate) voted down a provision to ensure that the money earmarked for stimulating the American economy goes to Americans. This vote pretty much ensures that piles of federal contract money will end up in the pockets of illegal immigrants. An exasperated Caroline [...]
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    Posted: February 17, 2009, 2:15pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Monday Guest Scoffer: Chuck Norris

    Mr. President, I’m doing my best as a patriot and a conservative to support you. But if your present choice of leaders is reflective of “the most sweeping ethics reform in history,” then I respectfully would say, sir, you’re sweeping in the wrong direction. Due to constraints on my time with [...]
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    Posted: February 16, 2009, 8:38am EST
    by Gravelle

  • R U ROTFL?

    Number of comments: 1
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Comedian Steven Wright once observed that: “The abbreviation for July is J-U-L.  You’ve gotta really be in a hurry…” So too with people too lazy busy to spell out “y-o-u” in a text message.  That makes me all, well all this:  Fortunately, my favorite ten year-old blogger [...]
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    Posted: February 14, 2009, 1:45pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Happy Vernal Equinox Day

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Hello, I’m J. Gravelle, and there’s nobody else here to introduce. If you’re old like me, and not yet senile, like me, you might remember the Bartles and Jaymes television ads that featured Bartles, and his partner Jaymes.  On television. The ones without any feathers are Frank [...]
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    Posted: February 12, 2009, 3:33pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Heyyyy Michelinas

    Number of comments: 1
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  They are the frozen food company that refused to let “the Macarena” die the quick, painless, pop culture death that it (and we) deserved. But years have passed since the last of those insipid commercials have aired, so I thought I’d give ‘em a try. Their “food” [...]
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    Posted: February 10, 2009, 1:11pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Vicki Lawrence

    Number of comments: 4
    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Shaddap.  I know it’s Monday.  I had stuff to do. Despite the starry-eyed activism dripping from her hit recording “the Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia”, and even though “Mama’s Family” was television at it’s most insipid, I wanted Vicki Lawrence’s autograph: …because she… um… because… Well, [...]
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    Posted: February 09, 2009, 9:10am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Death by Snuggles

    (Only in) AMERICA [ Story : SixWise.com ]  Our ancestors strode across the plains and forests, hoping to survive each new encounter with nature’s elements and hungry wildlife. They probably didn’t imagine that their progeny might one day have little more to fret about than the dangers of friggin’ fabric softener, [...]
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    Posted: February 06, 2009, 4:48pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • 40 Republicans Join the Democrat Party

    WARSHINGTON, DC [ Story : Chicago Tribune ]  In an ideal world, all Republicans would be conservative, and all Democrats would be … I dunno… packing material, maybe. But we’ve got two major parties, sort of.  Many (too many) members of today’s G.O.P. insist upon crossing party lines.  That assumes there [...]
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    Posted: February 05, 2009, 1:38pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Oh No! Not… Kyrgyzstan!

    OVERSEAS SOMEWHERE [ Story : Reuters UK ]  It pains me that my spellchecker always wants to change my name to Gravelly, but it recognizes Kigyrz… Kurdlezsh… that country name I pasted up in the headline. I keep trying to rearrange the letters.  There’s not a single decent anagram in Kyrgyzstan.  [...]
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    Posted: February 04, 2009, 8:46am EST
    by Gravelle

  • From Beijing to Bonging

    No need to type anything, I reckon: Click to enlarge.  Or maybe YOU just get SMALLER.  Whoa.  Yeah.  Maybe. Seriously dude, think about it… If you ever owned a lava lamp, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: February 03, 2009, 5:37am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Gone Fischerin’

    I’m filling in for Mr. Fischer today, so either: - Write your OWN Daily Scoff; or - Go read what I wrote on the big guy’s Franklin Now / This Just In blog Incidentally, I spotted my shadow this morning, so you’re in for at least six more weeks of scoffing. Starting tomorrow… If you’re [...]
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    Posted: February 02, 2009, 3:19pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Jim Nabors

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  It seems fitting that I’d pair Gomer up with last week’s entry, Ruth Buzzi. The pair starred, respectively, as “Fum” and “Fi” in Sid and Marty Krofft’s “the Lost Saucer“, making this the only complete cast-photo/autograph set in my collection: Click on the image for a larger [...]
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    Posted: February 01, 2009, 8:56am EST
    by Gravelle

  • How Many Websites Does It Take To…

    …revitalize the middle class economy? WARSHINGTON, D.C. [ Story : WSJ ]  It sounds like the setup for a joke.  It’s not. It’s an entire joke. Barack Harold Obama needs Joe Biden to stay out of his hair.  Tired of relentless pant leg tugging and being deluged with insipid pleas of “NOW what’cha [...]
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    Posted: January 30, 2009, 3:46pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Record Cold vs Record Warm

    USofA [ JG ] And the winner is… Click image to enlarge This comes as little surprise to anybody with a thermometer, or for that matter, eyes. Of course, those eyes have to be wide open… If it’s still too warm out for ya, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks [...]
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    Posted: January 28, 2009, 9:55am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Obama Regime : the New Feminists’ Paradox

    WARSHINGTON, D.C. [ Story :  Gawker.com ]  From the Obama girl to the Maxim girl, militant feminists can’t mill around the White House without rubbing… um, let’s say “elbows”, at the very least, with hotties who are so enamored with our new Emp-O-rer that they can’t keep their shirts on. It’s [...]
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    Posted: January 27, 2009, 8:13am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Bad Eyesight - Episode Two

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  At least, I think I’m in Germantown. My regular readers (and for that matter, even the constipated ones) know that my previously 20:10 eyesight has begun to fluctuate with the periodic highs in my blood pressure.  You also may have read about the last mishap that [...]
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    Posted: January 26, 2009, 12:53pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Ruth Buzzi

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  My wall of glamour girls would be incomplete without uber-hottie Ruth Buzzi nestled snugly in between plain-Janes like Morgan Fairchild and Tea Leoni: Go ahead, laugh. She’d want you to.  Joking about her appearance was often Buzzi’s forte, and she was triumphant with the gag: Though the [...]
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    Posted: January 25, 2009, 9:30am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Saturday Pop Quiz

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  Quite simply: Who is this? Take a moment, then click the image to see the answer. Bonus question: What Maurice Chevalier song is now stuck in my head for the rest of the day? Yes, I AM that old… If you knew the answer, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If [...]
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    Posted: January 24, 2009, 8:15am EST
    by Gravelle

  • The “H” Stands for “Hairy”?

    SOUTH FLORIDA [ Story : Biz Journal ]  If I had mocked up this Chia Obama in Photoshop, libs would be jumping all over me: Heretofore, we’ll refer to His O-liness as “Barack Harold Obama”. “Hairy”, for short… If you’d like Obama’s head, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks [...]
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    Posted: January 23, 2009, 11:01pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • The Presidential Oaf of Office

    WASHINGTON, D.C. [ JG ] The debate about whether the blundered swearing in ceremony of president Barack Harold Obama was John Roberts’ fault or that of His O-liness will likely continue throughout the ages. While video of the stumbling oath has been viewed countless times, few have had a glimpse of [...]
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    Posted: January 22, 2009, 9:31am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Sunshine, But No Lollipops

    U.S.S. of A. [ JG ]  As promised, the sun broke through the clouds this morning on this, the first day of the Obama presidency. See my weekly featured Fox6 Politics article: A Presence I’ve Not Felt Since… on the coronation of our new sith lord But I was disappointed to find that it [...]
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    Posted: January 21, 2009, 2:01pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Falling Interest in Rising Unemployment?

    WISCONSIN [ JG ]  45% of the societal Google™ searches in Wisconsin involve the term “unemployment”. Optimists will focus on the downward slope of this trend, which might suggest a declining interest in the topic: But long-time readers know that the mission of the Daily Scoff is to lift the veil of [...]
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    Posted: January 20, 2009, 8:19am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Who Needs TOY Guns?

    Wii do. But we don’t. [ Story : CrunchGear ]  Even the gun-banning, funny-talkin’ Australians and Europeans are embracing Sega’s new gun shell for the Wii: But you can’t get one in the U.S. Maybe one day you will, but I’m guessing it’ll be bright orange with a big banner that pops [...]
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    Posted: January 19, 2009, 10:15am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Tea Leoni

    Born Elizabeth Téa Pantaleoni, she split from husband David “(se)X-files” Duchovney when it became public knowledge that he preferred to see other women’s pantaleonis. What’s weird about this autograph is that I thought there was something that I used to watch her in all the time.  But looking over her bio [...]
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    Posted: January 18, 2009, 8:20am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Until Homeland Security Rules it Out

    …don’t dismiss MY theory: “Yes, great Osama… we have their flight plan…” I’m just sayin’… If you’ve got a better theory, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: January 17, 2009, 10:19pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Exposing Oprah’s Big Crack

    …scandal. CHICAGO, IL [ Story : PerezHilton ]  Which answers the question I always want to ask anybody who proudly announces “I supported and voted for Barack Obama”: “What were YOU smokin’?” From the headline, you probably feared that the content of this story would turn out to be replete with tasteless imagery, [...]
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    Posted: January 16, 2009, 8:16am EST
    by Gravelle

  • There Oughta Be a Law

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  I hate that phrase.  There are enough laws. But, I mean, if we insist on enacting new legislation, I’d like to submit this bill: Heretofore, hitherto, and hence, these two items should not, cannot, and must not, be packaged in such similar containers ever again: I wouldn’t have [...]
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    Posted: January 15, 2009, 9:42am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Victims Pay Sex Criminal 1/2 a Million Dollars

    ALASKA [ Story : CNN ]  At first glance the story seemed little more than incredulous fodder for our collective ironic bemusement. Upon reflection though, a sexual predator getting rich off his victims isn’t too far removed from a candidate winning the presidency by securing votes from the impoverished electorate that [...]
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    Posted: January 14, 2009, 8:59am EST
    by Gravelle

  • “Obama Is Our Moses”

    SLEDGE, MISSISSIPPI [ Story : CNN ]  Just when I thought I had my hyperbole-ometer properly re-calibrated, CNN comes along and pegs the needle again, by promoting His O-liness as the Moses of a new age. While cleaning the coffee and spit off my monitor, I had the opportunity to re-consider [...]
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    Posted: January 13, 2009, 8:55am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Hot Foreign Chicks Who Like to Play

    WORLD OF WOMEN [ JG ]  - Take a look at these women: (Yeah, like I really had to tell you to do that.  It’s likelier I’ll have to tell you when to STOP looking.) Okay, stop looking. Men all over the world (and even certain kinds of women) want to do something [...]
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    Posted: January 12, 2009, 8:17am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Florence Henderson

    At the height of my autograph collecting frenzy, I began accumulating quite a pile of the self-addressed, stamped manila envelopes that (some) celebrities generously returned with their autographed photos. During my regular housecleaning (and by “regular”, I pretty much mean “annual”) I was disposing of those envelopes, pulling them off the [...]
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    Posted: January 11, 2009, 9:50pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • You Have to Burn the Rope

    Click it.  Play it.  Embrace it. You can’t beat my high score. Nobody can… If that was the best game ever, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click twice) Thanks for helping to support the Daily Scoff! [...]
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    Posted: January 10, 2009, 9:43am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Analysis : L.A. Earthquake 2009

    LOS ANGELES [ STORY :  LA Times ]  It was an unintended (yet not unexpected) consequence of California’s determined effort to surpass Wisconsin in dairy production: Reportedly, nobody was hurt during yesterday’s tremors. Still, I mean, the humanity… If that looks like your fault, please click whatever ad shows up here–> (If not, please click [...]
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    Posted: January 09, 2009, 6:47am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Laid or Laid Off

    RENO, NV [ Story : Inquistr.com ]  Annnd now I’ve got “Lay Lady Lay” stuck in my head.  Swell. See my Fox6 Political Feature BAILING OUT UNCLE SAM …where I offer the government $150,000! Think they’ll take it? Ever wonder why pimps and hookers tend to skew Democrat?  (I said “skew”.) It’s because the lousy economy [...]
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    Posted: January 08, 2009, 8:05am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Easiest Book Ever Written

    How to get a man’s attention, by Whitney Casey. HARSH REALITY, USA [ Story : Houston Chronicle ]  I can’t read anything about this woman without making all sorts of exasperated gutteral noises, a la Don Martin or Bill the Cat (e.g. “Hrrrumpth”, “Phhhht”, “Aaaack”). Wanna know how to get a guy’s [...]
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    Posted: January 07, 2009, 7:31am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Terminator’s Term Termination

    COLLIE-FOR-KNEE-YA [ Story : WashingtonPost ]  The next Republican governor of the Golden State might actually be… *GASP* a Republican. Left coast voters may get the chance to elect a state leader who can lift the economy instead of steel plates:  former eBay CEO Meg Whitman. Sure, it’ll be tempting to elect [...]
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    Posted: January 06, 2009, 7:29am EST
    by Gravelle

  • So Obama Won … It’s Not the End of the World

    …or IS it? EARTH [ Story : PostChronicle.com ]  A lot of things come together at the end of 2012: It’s the end of the Mayan calendar.  They apparently thought (or knew) that there wouldn’t be any days after that worth keeping track of; The galaxy comes into some sort of alignment on [...]
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    Posted: January 05, 2009, 7:49am EST
    by Gravelle

  • Autograph Sunday : Dick Van Dyke

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  A few readers complain that they can’t read “the Daily Scoff” at work because of the content filters applied to block certain words and phrases. I wonder if you can search for this guy at school or work without getting expelled or fired: You can’t not like [...]
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    Posted: January 04, 2009, 9:31am EST
    by Gravelle

  • I Do Love the Hate Mail

    GERMANTOWN, WI [ JG ]  One of my New Year’s resolutions was to “be a nice person”.  That quickly got amended to “try to be a nice person” and, in its final draft, I resolved to “try to be a nice-er person”. The first major test of my character came when [...]
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    Posted: January 03, 2009, 5:56pm EST
    by Gravelle

  • Asher Roth : Jewish Rap Star

    BROOKLYN, NY [ Story : NYBlueprint.com ]  It is perhaps a sign of the apocalypse.  If so, the world cannot end soon enough. Asher Roth is billed as “the Jewish Eminem”, and his stardom has been proclaimed as imminent.  Or Eminemiment, if you prefer. We moshed Rosh Hashannah and we said “Oy [...]
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    Posted: January 02, 2009, 8:19am EST
    by Gravelle
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